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Arranged-Marriage Series |
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Hayfa 
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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 Posted: 19 February 2009 at 11:57am |
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i think it comes back to to some idea that parents in Muslim areas do not love and care for their children and want what is best and will make them happy. Of course this is not the case. The same percentages of people love and care for their children.
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Hyposonic
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Joined: 17 November 2008 Location: Scotland Status: Offline Points: 247 |
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Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:11am |
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"Nothing dirty or negative here... Maybe someone has a dirty mind??????"
Sigh* Now I see what I was previously warned about.
"Dating is a very intimate experience. "
If done monogamously.Dating can also be fun as well. You can meet a prospective mate with friends and/family and do fun things.
"As I wrote earlier: "I have dated western style and had an "arranged" marriage, ... and frankly arranged is much easier, less heartache, and there is a measure of safety because you know that both parties are serious and looking for marriage."
And as I said previously, these are YOUR experiences and not universal. You chose to have an arranged mariage but whatever your experiences were, does not necessitate any validity that it will be the experiences of others. |
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abuayisha
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Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Posted: 19 February 2009 at 7:11am |
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"We are still married and yesterday was our anniversary...." Mashallah! 
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 19 February 2009 at 12:30am |
I wrote nothing about sex: "Dating does lead to intimacy, that's the whole point. If you are going out with someone that might not lead to anything further that is called friendship."
Nothing dirty or negative here... Maybe someone has a dirty mind??????
Dating is a very intimate experience. You are spending time alone with a person, telling them about your likes and dislikes, your innermost secrets, and hopes for the future. It can be a heartbreaking experience if it turns out your partner doesn't have the same goals or expectations. With random dating you never really know, with an arranged marriage there is no doubt.
As I wrote earlier: "I have dated western style and had an "arranged" marriage, ... and frankly arranged is much easier, less heartache, and there is a measure of safety because you know that both parties are serious and looking for marriage."
We are still married and yesterday was our anniversary....
Edited by Shasta'sAunt - 19 February 2009 at 12:30am |
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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abuayisha
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Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Posted: 18 February 2009 at 1:50pm |
I once visited a small West African country and met a man with three wives. He said, 'my father forced me to marry one from his side of the family and my mother compelled me to marry from her side as well, and the third wife was my choice.'
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Chrysalis
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Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033 |
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Posted: 18 February 2009 at 12:23pm |
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To answer Hyposonic's query about how much of the ahadith are actually practised . . . . regarding 'forced marriages' . . . well, I can tell you that even the conservative culture of my country . . . women do have a say. Its not all that common for parents to 'force' thier daughters - yes there are instances when it does occur, but not as often as the outside world thinks. Women willingly contract marriages... sometimes it is the other way around, and men may be forced. (the case of Hasnat Khan and Princess Diana anyone?). But generally, both parties willingly accept/welcome the involvement of thier families.
Some will even take a stance and say no. I know atleast 2 female relatives who simply said no - and wanted to marry a particular person and did so. That was back in the 80s btw. I will not mention the status of the marriage, since that may be considered biased  If you (a young person) are making a decision all on your own, without consultation/advise . . you are likely to buy a dragster, not a family car. A dragster is initially fun - but not practical in the longrun. But If you consult ppl, you aremore likely to get a family car - may not sound all that glamorous, but it will be safer and more practical in the end.  |
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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savant
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Joined: 14 February 2009 Status: Offline Points: 98 |
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Posted: 18 February 2009 at 10:24am |
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Below is not complete answer hower; will complete it else time. As you see respectable mufti sb allowing to see each other; now it is need to discover that how this seeing will happen and what will be rulings of this short meeting. this is available in other fatwas will explor it and will share later.
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In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh It is not mandatory for potential spouses to see each other before marriage. It is however encouraged. Marriage is a life long relationship and one should be happy and content with the outer appearance of the spouse. If one did not see each other, there is a possibility that one may not like the appearance of the spouse. And Allah knows best Wassalam Mufti Ebrahim Desai Edited by savant - 18 February 2009 at 10:32am |
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 18 February 2009 at 10:21am |
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There seems to be two aspects to the discussion:
1.What is Islamically correct and what may or may not be happening by people today.There are guidelines and rules in Islam for finding a spouse. Being alone in not an option. 2. Yes Muslims are not perfect. There are issues because people will mess up. Some abuse and use. That happens even in dating relationships. Abuse of women runs through all societies. 3. in the end it is a difference of moral codes. Period. Dating as in the west is prohibited in Islam. |
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Hyposonic wrote: