should men ask their wives to marry a second woman

Assalamu Alaikum,

2 That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of. Rather, it is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed.

 

Permission to practice and what�s �associated with� is different from placing legal conditions on the practice of polygamy.  In other words, a man can legally, according to Islam, marry a second wife for much of the same reasons he married his first wife, i.e., love, attraction, family status, wealth, etc.

With respect to widows and orphans certainly it was commendable in some case to marry widows, but the ayah concerning orphan girls and �fairness� was that men were marrying wealthy orphan girls under their care for the less than altruistic reasons, but to enrich themselves, thus the admonition came warning them.

That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other peoples at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives.

Other than limiting the number to four, what evidence is there for �far more restricted than normal�.�  Wives must be treated fairly, but even this is only what one has the ability to control.  In other words, his wealth and time are within his ability, but his emotions and love are a different matter.  He will likely love one more than the other.

 

abuayisha wrote: 2 That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of. Rather, it is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed.   Permission to practice and what�s �associated with� is different from placing legal conditions on the practice of polygamy.  In other words, a man can legally, according to Islam, marry a second wife for much of the same reasons he married his first wife, i.e., love, attraction, family status, wealth, etc. With respect to widows and orphans certainly it was commendable in some case to marry widows, but the ayah concerning orphan girls and �fairness� was that men were marrying wealthy orphan girls under their care for the less than altruistic reasons, but to enrich themselves, thus the admonition came warning them. That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other peoples at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives. Other than limiting the number to four, what evidence is there for �far more restricted than normal�.�  Wives must be treated fairly, but even this is only what one has the ability to control.  In other words, his wealth and time are within his ability, but his emotions and love are a different matter.  He will likely love one more than the other.

Edited by peacemaker - 19 August 2010 at 4:24am

I think the best way for already married women to deal with the "possibility" of sharing their husband with another is not to obsess about it. I think if a wife constantly fears/worries that her husband might do something like that - she is going to lose all her trust, self-confidence and self-esteem.... and when that happens, she is going to worry all the time. This is going to effect her mood, humor, temper, personality and emotional connectivity. If that happens, even if the husband wasn't planning such a thing - he is going to find her less interesting or attractive. So even if he never marries, it still ended up destroying the marriage relations. (this applies to all women in all relationships who may obsess about the possibility of their partner cheating or straying)..not only muslim 2nd marriages)


So Muslimahs should be strong and confident. We can only manage/control things to an extent, beyond that its no longer in our control, so its better not to try and take on burdens that were never meant for us i.e. don't fret about something that you have no control over - and leave the rest to Allah. 

But still... don't be a door-mat and let your husband get away with anything while leaving it to fate - like Abuayisha said, be proactive and make it clear that such an event would make you unhappy. (in a nice way, or humorously perhaps). Sometimes husbands need their wives to step up and show a bit of strength... (right?)