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URGENT: marriage question

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samer1 View Drop Down

Joined: 29 January 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote samer1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: URGENT: marriage question
    Posted: 29 January 2008 at 1:24pm

Assalamu A3laykum Wa Rahmatu Allah Wa Barakatuh.

I'm in a very bad situation, and I'm in need of Islamic advice please. I live in the U.S. and there's this sister back home in Tunisia which was with me in class in middle school that I liked. In 2005 I asked my blood sister to find out if she's married or not, she wasn't. I sent my mom and my sister to their house to talk to her family. Ladies talked and everything was ok. I started talking to the sister over the phone every now and then to make sure we're compatible and get ready for marriage. I was supposed to go back home last October to talk to her father to engage her, and I was going to come back again within a 6-8 months period to get married and bring her here to the U.S.

Last September, the sister told me we have to postpone the engagement because her dad is sick (he has heart problems, blood pressure....), her brother is in the army, so they're going to send him for training in early October, so we can't do anything now. I had to postpone my vacation and plans. A couple of months later, we agreed that June will be the best time for engagement, since everybody will be on vacation in Tunisia. I agreed, and I just scheduled my vacation for July. Yesterday, after a phone conversation with the sister, she said that her father didn't approve, and they're still talking to him. I asked why? she said because he thinks that when we get married, the U.S. embassy will not approve her paperwork to join me here in the U.S. and she'll be stuck there, which is a total bogus reason. Her father probably talked to his brother whose sons live in the U.S. about this subject, and he told him the bogus info. Then she said he probably doesn't want me to live far away from them, which is a selfish reason on their part because we love each other so much, we can't live without each other, and that they're standing in their daughter's happiness way. I'm a Muslim also, educated, have a good job, able to support a family, and I don't smoke, drink, use drugs, or anything haram.

The sister obtained her degree last year, and we agreed that she won't work, and he father asks her to get a job which she will not do. She asked me to give her sometime to try to get her mom and sisters to convince her dad otherwise, they don't want to pressure him so much due to his health, and I agreed.

My question is, don't you think that her dad excuses are ridiculous, and selfish? I even told the sister, even if he thinks hey won't give her an immigrant visa which is unlikely, I'm a U.S. citizen. I'm willing to move back home and live together there. What do you think I should do in this situation. I was just told this yesterday, and I am so much in love with her, and she's too. I don't know what to do, my thought process is all mixed up now. I couldn't report to work yesterday or today, I can't touch any of my textbooks. Her father is a religious man also. Can you please offer advice?

Jazakum Allah Khayran

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minuteman View Drop Down
Senior Member
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Joined: 25 March 2007
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Points: 1642
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote minuteman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 February 2008 at 7:26am


 Why do you call her your sister all the time?? Why not just an old friend?

Edited by minuteman
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mowgli View Drop Down

Joined: 22 February 2008
Location: United Kingdom
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Points: 12
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mowgli Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 February 2008 at 6:28pm
Not very useful reply there minuteman.

Assalamu'alaikum brother - I suggest you wait, and give her time to try to
bring her father round. Also, ask her if she thinks it will be helpful for your
family to go round and talk to them - they may feel more comfortable if they
know your family better?

Also, see if she can find out what the real reason is that her father is
objecting, and then deal with the problem from there...

Insha'allah, given time and gentle perseverance, he will come round.
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Rukia View Drop Down

Joined: 28 July 2008
Location: United Arab Emirates
Status: Offline
Points: 9
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rukia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2008 at 1:07am
Assalam Alykum,
I hope you finally found a wise solution to your problem, i believe that everything happens for a reason and at times God creats situations to help us make a wise choise maybe God was testing your patience.Hope you succeeded.
God bless.
Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil-akhirati hasanatan waqina adhaban-nar.
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