Asalaamu’laikum! I have a question...

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   Salaams, brothers and sisters, I am new to this community and am here to gain more knowledge about Islam. I reverted in October 2007, and have been struggling with this new beautiful faith.
So far, I have hidden my reversion from my parents, although the younger people in my family know including my cousin, with whom I live with. I have wanted to tell my parents, but my cousin knows that there will be a horrible eventual fallout (my mother's family are very very Catholic and hold very prejudiced views against Islam), and she says that if I tell the rest of my family, we will not be able to live together because they will create so much stress for her, she doesn't think she can take it. 
She wants me to wait until October of this year to tell them, because that is when our lease ends and we will be able to go our separate ways and live our lives without having to share condemnation from our family. I promised I would wait until then, but my Muslim friends say that it is bad for me to wait. I told them that the only reason I don't tell them immediately is because I will have nowhere to live and I don't want to put my cousin in a bad situation where she has to immediately figure out where she can live as well. 
My friends tell me this hesitance to tell my family marks me as almost a kaafir, or disbeliever, especially since I do not wear the hijab around my family. I honestly do believe in this faith, but I know that this is not the proper time to tell. I have read that some scholars and imams say it is okay to wait to reveal your reversion to your family until you are in a good safe place to openly practice (although I do pray privately, am trying to go to Masjid and read the Quran), but my friend's opinions have left me confused. I know this is a test from Allah (swt) and it has left me very conflicted. What should I do?

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zahirahg Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 28 January 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote zahirahg Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Asalaamu’laikum! I have a question... Posted: 28 January 2008 at 11:13am
	Salaams, brothers and sisters, I am new to this community and am here to gain more knowledge about Islam. I reverted in October 2007, and have been struggling with this new beautiful faith. So far, I have hidden my reversion from my parents, although the younger people in my family know including my cousin, with whom I live with. I have wanted to tell my parents, but my cousin knows that there will be a horrible eventual fallout (my mother's family are very very Catholic and hold very prejudiced views against Islam), and she says that if I tell the rest of my family, we will not be able to live together because they will create so much stress for her, she doesn't think she can take it. She wants me to wait until October of this year to tell them, because that is when our lease ends and we will be able to go our separate ways and live our lives without having to share condemnation from our family. I promised I would wait until then, but my Muslim friends say that it is bad for me to wait. I told them that the only reason I don't tell them immediately is because I will have nowhere to live and I don't want to put my cousin in a bad situation where she has to immediately figure out where she can live as well. My friends tell me this hesitance to tell my family marks me as almost a kaafir, or disbeliever, especially since I do not wear the hijab around my family. I honestly do believe in this faith, but I know that this is not the proper time to tell. I have read that some scholars and imams say it is okay to wait to reveal your reversion to your family until you are in a good safe place to openly practice (although I do pray privately, am trying to go to Masjid and read the Quran), but my friend's opinions have left me confused. I know this is a test from Allah (swt) and it has left me very conflicted. What should I do?

Aminah07 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 17 March 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 219	Post Options Post Reply Quote Aminah07 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 1:00pm
	WaAlaikum'Asalaam Sr, I know someone will respond to this with much more knowledge than me I'm taking a few minutes while the kids eat an early dinner before they go to maktab. But first of all you are not required to cover your head with your mahram or those men in your family that you couldn't marry. Second, your friends need to understand your situation. Have any of these sr's offered you a home to live in if the heat gets turned up to hot and your cousin is getting too stressed out by being the middle-man? It sounds like you are already doing a lot of things a good muslimah does like being concerned for your cousin. She has been honest with you at what she predicts her toleration to family stress will be. I think it is very good that you are taking her feelings into consideration. Remember in Islam we are not supposed to distance ourselves from our family that supports us and that does not speak out against Islam. Long-term you will need to speak with your family down the road and explain. I converted to Islam 20 years ago it took my extended family about 12 years to fully accept my decision and my beliefs. It took my parents and brother several years to just get over it... and accept that I was happy. Short-term you need a place to live and so does your cousin and it sounds like you might be living on your own in October so you are going to need time to build up your savings to cover the other 1/2 of your rent. Ask Allah(swt) what you should do...he will never give you a burden too great to bear. In the end your decision is what matters. Got to run but if you need any extra support feel free to PM me anytime.

zahirahg Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 28 January 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote zahirahg Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 1:34pm
	Sister, Thank you so much for your words! They really help and give me insight.

rami Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Male Joined: 01 March 2000 Status: Offline Points: 2549	Post Options Post Reply Quote rami Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 3:31pm
	Bi ismillahi rahmani raheem assalamu alaikum My friends tell me this hesitance to tell my family marks me as almost a kaafir, or disbeliever, especially since I do not wear the hijab around my family. Alhamdulillah you have chosen this religion sister, please be carefull who you take knowledge from as your friends dont seem to know anything and confuse there own personnel ignorant opinions with that of Allah. Who is or isnt a kafir is based on one simple thing whether or not you believe There is only one god and that Muhammad is his messenger. There is absolutely no obligation in Islam what so ever to announce your religion to your family the choice is completely yours and it has no bearing on how good or bad a muslim you are. It is actually more advisable in Islam to keep you religion a hidden from your family if it will cause such a negative reaction becouse family ties and relationships are more important. Its actually a sin to break family ties. especially since I do not wear the hijab around my family. Dont listen to your friends when it comes to religion they seem to give opinionated answers rather than factual ones.
	Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.

The Guided One Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 20 November 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 101	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Guided One Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 4:30pm
	Bismilah, Asalamu Aleykum warah matulahi wa barakatuh, Rami and Aminah well said, I was trying to say the same, that is indeed great advice and guidance. I was bet busy and trying to wait til next time to say what you just said. but well said Aminah Rami shukran. SahiraG, Rami and Aminah said it well. I recommand Aminah Rami's advice. Also try to be independt, try to find a job and good people to live with incase your parents find it out in the future, Allah will guide you to a success and will make it easy for you Insha Allah. Allah alone we worship and ask for help! Asalamu aleykum warah matulahi wa baraktuh Edited by The Guided One
	A. Suleiman

seekshidayath Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357	Post Options Post Reply Quote seekshidayath Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 6:07pm
	As'Salamu Alaikum , Sister, i have nothing to say over this subject except that you read Br. Rami's post. But i would like you to CONGRAGULATE for choosing the right path. May Allah swt bestow you with His blessings and strong faith. Please do prepare yourselves for any kind of trials if at all. Do read the stories of companions of Prophet , Quran and seerah, that shall help you a lot. And try to be patient all the time sister, esp when dealing with your parents. May Allah swt ease your path. Ameen.
	Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

minuteman Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1642	Post Options Post Reply Quote minuteman Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 6:41pm
	The detailed advice from Aminah and rami is very accurate. Do not listen to your muslim advisors who are in a hurry and almost ready to accuse you as a kafir. That is not right at all. Nobody should announce or leak your conversion except yourself. You do not need to wear the hijab in a non Muslim country. It is not a must there. Never spoil with your parents and do not disobey them and do not make them unhappy. You are only allowed to disobey them if they tell you to leave your present faith. That is all. In all other matters, you should be obedient and gentle. And you should always pray to Allah for the welfare of your parents. Take your time and learn and enjoy till it becomes more easy for you. Allah loves ease and comfort for us. He does not like undue hardship for us. May Allah be with you. Wassalam.

rami Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Male Joined: 01 March 2000 Status: Offline Points: 2549	Post Options Post Reply Quote rami Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2008 at 9:20pm
	Bi ismillahi rahmani raheem You do not need to wear the hijab in a non Muslim country. It is not a must there. Br the hijab is a personnel obligation, what country you are in has no relevance unless you are under threat as personnel welfare in Islam is paramount. I know no one wants to say its ok to take of the hijab in front of your family mahram or otherwise since essentially it is wrong. This advice really depends on the situation, we have dispensations in this religion and taking the lesser of two evils if both of them are unavoidable is one of these. What the sister can do is wear modest clothes around her family for example arm length and ankle length dresses instead of the full hijab which is still only a personnel obligation that no one can force a person to wear. If you think about how the first muslims where when Allah made muhammad [salla llahu alaihi wa sallam] a prophet each one of his companions [with some exceptions] hid there conversion to islam from there family and tribe for many years until finally he commanded them to announce it in public. Also consider how allah sent down his commands to the new converts, it came down in stages over a 23 year period they didnt recieve all that was haram and halal in one night. If we do what allah himself did with the new muslim back then then we should introduce the tenants of the religion slowly to reverts, depending on there situation and how much they can handle, rather than overwhelm them with it all at once until they buckle under the pressure. Look for example how Allah made alcohol haram, first he said dont approach prayer drunk then some years after that he said dont drink altogether. He weened the muslims from depending on alcohol slowly, why are people who convert to Islam in this day and age and without the benefit of having allahs prophet with them any different. just to be clear i am not commenting on what is haram or halal which we all know and is very clear but nasiha on how to approach the situation. Edited by rami
	Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.