Why (and how) women cheat?

Assalaualaikum Zaman,

First of all, you have said in one of your posts that you were justifying adultry, and then you go on to say that u were not ... confusing. I dont have time to uote everything, so this will be short and quick, pls excuse me for the haste.

You say, whne a man cheats he cheats only the other man (by soliciting a relationship with his wife), and in course he does not cheat his wife. This is not comprehensible. marriage is not just a contract on paper, it binds two ppl emotionally and spiritually. The love, the trust, the sharing that exists between two people, is mercilessly massacred in a cheating. There may not be a material harm to the wife, whose husband is cheating on her, but it does damage the bond.

The trust is lost. The woman may loose her self confidence, the joy and pleasure she takes in living and making his house .... and you are trying to say this is not cheating, not harm? or that it is a lesser harm?

Can you explain why  is the harm less? And why is the other man harmed more? Is it because his ego, his respect in the society marred when his wife is cheating on him? Is it not same for the woman whose man is cheating on her?

You said prophet(SAW) did not say much about men treating their wives in his last sermon. I suggest you read the last sermon. He said the best of you is one who treats his wife best. And he said you must treat your wives with kindness. Cheating is not the best treatment and it is no where even close to kindness.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

By the Way as sister Nausheen mentions when you justify infidelity and retack what you say later that is not only being hypocritical but contradictory...Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic. Unfortunately yor mindset is not Islamic in this case because Allah says in the Qur'an that all sin (save Shirk) is repentable hence all are equal since sin is a transgression of God's law. So if a man cheats the intensity of his sin is as great as a woman who sins.

BTW that little comment I posted earlier I also would like to add that if an engaged woman is also engaged to another man (two men mind you) she is committing adultry. Like I said its scary you can't tell the difference between transgression and fidelity. Scary

ZamanH wrote: Are you saying a man can sleep around but a woman mustn't? No, not at all. If a man has sex outside marriage, at worst, he can be deceiving another man, but not his own wife. I was justifying polygamy.

ZamanH wrote: I WAS NOT JUSTIFYING ADULTERY.Dammit.A man who commits adultery IS certainly wrong. The entire arguement is over the reason as to  WHY is he wrong. My point is, he is wrong because he decieves father/husband/family of the woman he commits adultery with,only. But he certainly does not betrays his wife by doing that.

I need to correct myself, you were indeed trying to justify "polygamy", not adultery.  but I dont understand how, where it looks like you are justifying the act of adultery.

can you please explain further, how you can justify polygamy,  in respect to a man who is actually "deceiving" a family?

Polygamy is not deciet. In fact the very idea of polygamy is to avoid so many other social evils which come into picture when there are relationships outside marriage, rather than within marriage.

The man who is commiting adultery is not only deceiving the father/husband of the woman, he is aslo deceiving his own wife and children. Why do u not want to consider the deciet in his own home as a crime?

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

ZamanH wrote: Israfil wrote: Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic. Ok, that was a mistake. Equating the hurt, which either of them (man/woman) receives when their spouse cheats them is a modern western concept (that is not realated to Islam).

What???? I'm sorry - I'm either losing my English language abilities, or you are implying that men and women are only treated equally and only have equal feelings because of the West.

Could you PLEASE explain what the above means? I am really, very, extremely confused.

Kim...