divorce away from home-Please help |
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herjihad
Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473 |
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Posted: 06 November 2007 at 4:47pm |
Salaamu Alaykum, If you own anything, like the home for example, or helped pay on the mortgage, these are other considerations for you besides these discussions. But when you say that he asked you to leave, ignores your calls, and pronounced divorce on you abruptly, this is additional information that clarifies things. Still, if YOU want to return, then you have the right to do so. I think that is something that everyone is stating clearly and is Islamically correct a hundred percent. But do so now if you are going to. If you don't want to return, then talk to a sheikh or a counselor if you can't find a sheikh, to help you through this difficult time. Please be very aware that the local Imam or even an Imam in a big city is not necessarily a sheikh, and very often isn't. The Imam may just be the prayer leader and may not have the skills or degree or even the authority of the mosque to counsel you. May Allah, The Most Loving, be with you. |
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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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minuteman
Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1642 |
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Walid has given good advice. Before that Herjihad had also said the same thing. It is a funny thing. Divorce on telephone. You sure have recognised the voice I hope. Please make a note of the date that he proclaimed/ announced it. Time is running out. You can easily go back to your home for the reason that you want to spend the period of Iddat at home, if he permits you. Also to make sure that what you heard was from your husband and to confirm that he said something. Tell him not to worry. You will be there and won't harm anything. There is no harm in living together for a short time and parting in a good manner. Convince him in some way that it is better (rather best) that you spend the Iddat period at your home with husband. That period is about three months. Try to be as good as possible. You may be having few items at the previous house which you may need to collect. Also, you may have some papers there too, such as Nikah Nama etc, or bank books. You have mentioned his family. Does he live with parents or what type of family? Who is there with him?? Which city you are in Westcoast (if you do not mind)?? You may not tell all that I ask. Please forget what I have written. Thanks. Prayers are most important. Are you a prayer monger?? Speak to Allah right now. Seek His help. May Allah help you save the marriage. |
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Walid
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 58 |
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Sister, In a nutshell, you are divorced for one talqa within the range of iddah (three period or three months after he utters the first talqah). You should go back to your home until you finish your iddah. If there are other preventive reasons then you should stay at your parent place until Iddah is finished. Remember your husband has right to take you back during this time without your consent unless you have valid Islamic reason that dictate otherwise. May Allah bring back your husband to you and keep us all on right path.
Abu Mujahid |
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zmsg
Starter Joined: 28 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2 |
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Thank you to all who took the time to answer my questions. Let me clarify a few points noted above. I do live in the West (USA), and so does my husband and family. I left my husband's home after a quarrel and per his request to go to my parents home, for one month. We did not speak for a month, and I gave him the space he & I needed. After the month past, i tried to reconcile, however he made no attempts to speak to me or my family. I tried to call, he would not answer the phone, nor answer any messages. These attempts to reconcile was during the holy month of Ramadan. Then he called me and uttered the words "... you are divorced" and hung up. There was no other discussion during the phone conversation. He called said those two words and hung up. Also I'd like to add that this was during Ramadan, when he said this to me. And as of this moment, I have not heard from him nor his family, and almost a month and half has passed by. I am being told by family members that I should return to my home during this waiting period of divorce. However, I don't feel convinced, and this is why i'm seeking a second opinion..Also I wanted to add that its been 3 months that we have not spoken nor have I returned to my home. So that is why i was asking how long can a wife be away from her home?? In addition, this is the first time for my husband to utter the words divorce..
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aka2x2
Senior Member Male Joined: 12 September 2006 Status: Offline Points: 446 |
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Religious divorce does not need the approval of a sheikh. However, legal divorce in some Muslim countries may have such a requirement. As I said before legal divorces are subject to the laws of each country. A man who breaks his wife�s arm has done wrong. The society they live in needs to deal with such an issue. The However, in the |
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Respectfully
aka2x2 |
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minuteman
Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1642 |
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May be you are personally affected or you are asking for some one who is affected by divorce. The reply by aka2x2 is a good one. In this case it is difficult to determine who is at fault, e.g. How long the lady had been at parents home before pronouncement of divorce on telephone. If it was soon after her going to parents then husband can be at fault. But if the lady had gone to live with parents and did not return to her husband then the lady maybe at fault. Now to turn to the actual question. Divorce (religious) has three stages to become complete. It is never legal to terminate marriage in just one sitting (one announcement). But according to Hanafi belief (and others too) the divorce becomes effective if announced thrice at once. The right way to divorce is to announce it once while the wife is living with her husband and she is not menstruating. They should live together, i.e. continue to live together and not to separate. If ever the husband tries to approach his wife for the sexual purpose, then that divorce is cancelled automatically. Or, the husband can verbally withdraw the notice of divorce and it will be cancelled. If husband is not satisfied and wishes to inforce his previous decision then he should, after a month of living together, pronounce the second notice of divorce in a similar (clean period of wife) way as the first notice. That is the last thing because if another (third) notice is given in a similar manner then divorce becomes final and binding upon the two. They are then separated. This appears to be the intention of the Shariyat. But in the modern world where the western people have abondoned the marriage system, it would appear odd to describe the Islamic system. The end result is whether the person has pronounced the divorce once or three times, (The three time pronouncement is ( can be) considered only one pronouncement) the wife should be living and continue to live with her husband at his place. Specially if the husband has asked her to return to him. This is most important. So, I feel that I have answered the first part of the two questions. The answer to the second part, how long the wife can remain away from husband, is a bit difficult. If an answer is known then it will be posted. But it is never wise to go away from home at all. The wife must return to her husband. I will post about the rights of the ladies in these matters later on. Please note that I am not any Mufti or a man knowing the intricacies of the Islamic law. |
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herjihad
Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473 |
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If you don't want a divorce, just go home and act like he didn't say it. If however, you'd like to have complete honesty and open communication, that's another story. That needs counseling. |
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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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herjihad
Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473 |
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Bismillah, Trying to get a sheikh to approve a divorce is like trying to -- well, nevermind the metaphor. It's just nearly impossible. Like the sister who's husband broke her arm. He had given her black eyes and not brought food home to her -- she didn't speak English -- and cheated and gambled, but that broken arm, that did it. They paid her ticket back to her country too. But just because a sheikh won't grant it, doesn't mean that a divorce wouldn't be Islaamically correct for a Sister. Where does it say that in the Holy Quran, Brother? That has become common practise, but law? From the Blessed Quran? |
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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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