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Asima
Starter Joined: 12 September 2007 Status: Offline Points: 6 |
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Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:17am |
Assalamu Alaikum Sisters
Just a little help needed....i live in a society where dating is like an essential part of your life style.. as being a muslim i kept my self away from all this. but recently i have met someone who was introduced to me by a very close friend of mine. and now we have intentions of getting married but our families aren't ready..but we don't want to lose each other. before meeting this person i did salat istikhara and had seen him in my dream as being someone very nice and inclined towards me. and i have been doing salat istikhara since i have met him...and in every dream i see a positive side of him..but for some strange reason my heart is not statisfied maybe b/c seeing my alone before marriage is not allowed in our religion..i have started to doubt him now..very confused abt what i should do..i don't want to leave him..but i don't want to see him either...plz guide me here |
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Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Salaams Asima, Welcome. So are you saying he wants to see you alone? (As the west does in its "dating" system.) Hayfa
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Asima
Starter Joined: 12 September 2007 Status: Offline Points: 6 |
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well..to get to know each other better...we do meet alone but with respectful intentions. and every time we meet i do istikhara prayer to(like to ask Allah whether it is okay for me to go)satisfy myself if everything is going to be fine and i end up seeing him in my dreams and i see something good which is related to both of us.
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marchfriday
Newbie Joined: 28 August 2007 Location: Pakistan Status: Offline Points: 39 |
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Have tawakkal on Allah, Inshallah things will be fine and never go too far in such meeting otherwise you will loose dignity, and specially you are saying that your famaily is not ready, so marriage is not yet confirmed so far it just association between two persons. Don't feer of loosing him, if that person is in your fate you will get him InshAllah I found many cases on forums that people loses each other respect due to un-controlled meetings. You cant look into future, to minimize risk give a full thought and get advised from your seniors and love one's. Quran mention one attribe of good muslim as that "They get advise". |
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seekshidayath
Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357 |
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As'Salamu Aalikum, Sis Asima, right now i request you forget all such stuff and concentrate over this auspicious month. This month doesn't mean to just hold up from eating but also to gain taqwa. Try your best to grab this oppurtunity. Stop speaking to him from right now, as its prohibitted to speak to non-mahrams. Even if u get any thoughts of him, recite lahowla wala quwwat --- and try to concentrate as much as u can over deen. I shall insha-ALLAH very soon send you a PM or post here. We have good panel of sisters. perhaps there are busy with this holy month. So till then please wait for there advices too. Hope u do not take it wrong. |
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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Asima
Starter Joined: 12 September 2007 Status: Offline Points: 6 |
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thankyou sisters for your words. they mean alot when one needs help.
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Alwardah
Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 980 |
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As Salamu Alaikum sister Asima From an Islamic point of view anything that is Haram is Haram irrespective of the society we are living in. You said you prayed Salatul-Istikharah and you have found only good omens so why do you wish to spoil it by starting the relationship the Haram way by dating. If dating, drinking, partying, adultery are all an essential part of our society do we take part in such activities. Audho Billahe minash Shaitanir-Rajim! Sori to be so harsh? When we start compromising on one principal, we start compromising on other till we find there is no difference between us and the non-Muslims. Below is a fatwa which I hope will help you. May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala protect us from our own whims and desires. Ameen! Wa Alaikum Salam |
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�Verily your Lord is quick in punishment; yet He is indeed Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (Surah Al-An�am 6:165)
"Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him is our return" (Surah Baqarah 2: 155) |
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Alwardah
Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 980 |
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As Salamu Alaikum Ruling on Boyfriend/Girlfriend Question: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
�� Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends�� [al-Nisaa� 4:25]
In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: �Muhsanaat [translated as �chaste�] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (�nor taking boyfriends�), Ibn �Abbaas said: �al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.� Ibn �Abbaas also said: �muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.� A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha�bi, al-Dahhaak, �Ataa� al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: �It means a (male) friend.� Al-Dahhaak also said: �wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy.
Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation���
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
�Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods�]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.� [al-Maa�idah 5:5]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: �Muhsineen ghayr musaafiheen wa laa muttakhidhi akhdaan (�desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends�). Just as Allaah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zinaa, so it is also imposed on men. The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musaafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes). Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdaan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Soorat al-Nisaa�. (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same. For this reason Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this aayah� We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
�Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.� [al-Noor 24:3]
Among the stories that show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah. There was a prostitute in Makkah, called �Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad�s. Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah. He said: �I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then �Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: �Marthad?� I said, �Marthad.� She said: �Welcome! Stay with us tonight.� I said, �O �Anaaq, Allaah has forbidden zinaa (unlawful sexual relations)� � I came to the Messenger of Allaah
Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman, so do not marry her.��
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 3101; he said: it is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth).
�Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: �Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.� So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married). The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life. A similar question has been asked under #2085. We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A question 1114 Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid Edited by Alwardah |
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�Verily your Lord is quick in punishment; yet He is indeed Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (Surah Al-An�am 6:165)
"Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him is our return" (Surah Baqarah 2: 155) |
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