should i leave him? this is long

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   im with a 33 year old tunisian man, i am 18 now. november of last year we started to be together. it was like dream come true and we thought our happiness would never end. within the next month i was pregnant. we worked together at the time as well. in the begining he allowed me to be myself. he then told me to loose all contact with my friends and i used to be a very socialable person. i agreed just trying to give the one i love whatever he may ask. the night after i told him that i was pregnant we had a fight about people at work talking to me. i respected his request of me not talking to them but he still decided to get mad. he told me that the next morning we would go to the hospital and i should get an abortion. i was ready to leave that night but he begged me to stay and he told me he only said that to make me mad. constantly being at work with him was horrible he made me look at the floor and not say a word to anyone, again i was trying to make him happy i was miserable. then in december i went to disney world with my marching band from the high school. he tried to convince me not to go by asking me which is more important my family (being him and the baby) or going to disney world. i cried and was asking myself why would he do this to me. i ended up going and returned in a week. during the time i was there i got travelers sickness and he said he didnt want to be with me because i didnt take care of myself enough for the baby. when i returned in january he told me lets get married the muslim way. not because he loved me but because muslims cant have girlfriends with babies they must be married. so we got islamic married on january the 17th. then i told him i would like to become a muslim because i was watching our room mate and it seemed like a strong religion. he didnt hesitate for a second he took me to this store bought me a scarf told me to wear it on my head. keep in mind i didnt know one thing about islam at all. then he taught me how to pray. so the next day i went to work like usual he told me that i had to wear that scarf all the time. me not knowing anything about islam was confused i didnt even know how to say shahada(sp) or even what it was. i was like okay whatever to make you happy. i must admit i dont like to wear the hijab it reminds me when he told me that he is not proud to stand by me without it and how he forced me into islam without letting me learn about it first. allah understands. then he told me to quit my job. there i was 4 months pregnant sittin on a couch watching tv all day and not even allowed to open the windows. and then there was school. i had to wake up at 5 to get to school on time come home around 1 make him and our roommate lunch and iron his clothes and send him off to work then clean up his mess and our roommates then sit on the couch all night til he came home around 1am then make love to him and repeat the days all over again. and day after day was an argument. and then behind my back without any clue at all he was making plans for us to move to tunisia. he then told me a month before our tickets were scheduled and then he made me change schools. im really fat and pregnant at this time driving 30 mins to and from school and performing my duties at home is really tiredsome. the week before we were supposed to go my daughter decided to be an emergency c-section three months early. so we were stuck here for the last three months. also in the begining i had my own car he made me give that to my dad. and my cell phone he broke it and never got me a new one. but he bought me a car(which i never got to drive) and he says we have a house in tunisia that is all mine. he shipped the car overseas and he spit in my face but begged me to forgive him. and he took me on vacation for my birthday and he used to buy me little things like flowers and stuff i believe me loves me but doesnt know how to respect me at all but really after all this should i really travel to tunisia with him????????

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Al Malek Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 31 August 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1	Post Options Post Reply Quote Al Malek Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: should i leave him? this is long Posted: 05 September 2007 at 4:53pm
	im with a 33 year old tunisian man, i am 18 now. november of last year we started to be together. it was like dream come true and we thought our happiness would never end. within the next month i was pregnant. we worked together at the time as well. in the begining he allowed me to be myself. he then told me to loose all contact with my friends and i used to be a very socialable person. i agreed just trying to give the one i love whatever he may ask. the night after i told him that i was pregnant we had a fight about people at work talking to me. i respected his request of me not talking to them but he still decided to get mad. he told me that the next morning we would go to the hospital and i should get an abortion. i was ready to leave that night but he begged me to stay and he told me he only said that to make me mad. constantly being at work with him was horrible he made me look at the floor and not say a word to anyone, again i was trying to make him happy i was miserable. then in december i went to disney world with my marching band from the high school. he tried to convince me not to go by asking me which is more important my family (being him and the baby) or going to disney world. i cried and was asking myself why would he do this to me. i ended up going and returned in a week. during the time i was there i got travelers sickness and he said he didnt want to be with me because i didnt take care of myself enough for the baby. when i returned in january he told me lets get married the muslim way. not because he loved me but because muslims cant have girlfriends with babies they must be married. so we got islamic married on january the 17th. then i told him i would like to become a muslim because i was watching our room mate and it seemed like a strong religion. he didnt hesitate for a second he took me to this store bought me a scarf told me to wear it on my head. keep in mind i didnt know one thing about islam at all. then he taught me how to pray. so the next day i went to work like usual he told me that i had to wear that scarf all the time. me not knowing anything about islam was confused i didnt even know how to say shahada(sp) or even what it was. i was like okay whatever to make you happy. i must admit i dont like to wear the hijab it reminds me when he told me that he is not proud to stand by me without it and how he forced me into islam without letting me learn about it first. allah understands. then he told me to quit my job. there i was 4 months pregnant sittin on a couch watching tv all day and not even allowed to open the windows. and then there was school. i had to wake up at 5 to get to school on time come home around 1 make him and our roommate lunch and iron his clothes and send him off to work then clean up his mess and our roommates then sit on the couch all night til he came home around 1am then make love to him and repeat the days all over again. and day after day was an argument. and then behind my back without any clue at all he was making plans for us to move to tunisia. he then told me a month before our tickets were scheduled and then he made me change schools. im really fat and pregnant at this time driving 30 mins to and from school and performing my duties at home is really tiredsome. the week before we were supposed to go my daughter decided to be an emergency c-section three months early. so we were stuck here for the last three months. also in the begining i had my own car he made me give that to my dad. and my cell phone he broke it and never got me a new one. but he bought me a car(which i never got to drive) and he says we have a house in tunisia that is all mine. he shipped the car overseas and he spit in my face but begged me to forgive him. and he took me on vacation for my birthday and he used to buy me little things like flowers and stuff i believe me loves me but doesnt know how to respect me at all but really after all this should i really travel to tunisia with him????????

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 06 September 2007 at 11:07am
	Asalam Alaikum, Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about this situation. No and I rarely say anything so strongly. There are all types of abuse. Mental, emotional and physical. People who are so controlling will not change. It will only get worse, especially if you move to Tunisia. Who will help you if you are stuck there? Who will give you support there? Do you know people? Do you know the language? If you go and decide to leave, would you be able to bring your daughter? I may be marrying someone in Pakistan and the ONLY way I would do it cause I feel 100% safe with him. I also have as a back-up in any case is good friends who would help me out. That is the security. You have to think of not only you but your daughter as well. "Love" is great. But you know, #1 is that is the man a good Moslem? Does he "get it?" His actions do not tell me that. Anyone who would spit in my face?? no no no. Edited by Hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Alwardah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 980	Post Options Post Reply Quote Alwardah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 September 2007 at 4:11am
	I agree with what sister Hafya said. I will not trust this person. No decent Muslim will engage in fornication. Everything you have stated points to one thing � get out from this situation before it is too late. These acts are forbidden in Islam. I am not sure if you are Muslim too because to me it seems you accepted Islam but not with conviction. If you do consider your self a muslimah sister, I advise you to refer to the link to the ebook here: http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10197&am p;am p;am p;PN=1 Peace Edited by Alwardah
	�Verily your Lord is quick in punishment; yet He is indeed Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (Surah Al-An�am 6:165) "Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him is our return" (Surah Baqarah 2: 155)

lovesakeenah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 13 June 2007 Status: Offline Points: 459	Post Options Post Reply Quote lovesakeenah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 September 2007 at 7:29am
	As-salaam alaykum I don't mean to sound harsh or unreasonable,but it seems to me that you already know what to do,but afraid to go ahead.My dear sister,don't be blindfolded.I wish you'd read a previous post a sister sent on"Love".I hope you're aware that God's love comes first&you'd love any man for the sake of God,not because he claims to love you(so much for his claims with the way he treats you).Marriage goes beyond love,I hope you also know that.And when you want to define love you do with everything sweet&harmless.A person who claims to love you would not hurt or treat you the way you've been treated.Okay let me just tell you that,a foreing land where you know no one(except the only reason you want to go there)isn't what you even want to begin imagining.And with communication barrier?Don't even think about it.You've listed the likely problems yourself,so what's holding you back?Love?Don't be confused.What you're experiencing is not the definition or meaning of love.may Allah guide you in making the right decision.Make a firm decision while you still can! All the best.
	"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".

Alwardah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 March 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 980	Post Options Post Reply Quote Alwardah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 September 2007 at 8:42am
	Sister Al-Malek I just wish to add that if you did accept Islam with full conviction and that you truly desire to be a Muslim then all your past sins are forgiven, even the sin of sexual relationships out of marriage. You are free of all previous from the moment you take the Shahadah. (bearing witness there is no God except Allah and the Muhammad is His Messenger) Take care Peace
	�Verily your Lord is quick in punishment; yet He is indeed Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (Surah Al-An�am 6:165) "Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him is our return" (Surah Baqarah 2: 155)

Aneesah Shabazz Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 12 September 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4	Post Options Post Reply Quote Aneesah Shabazz Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:06am
	my fiance he pray 3 times a day is there some one that said you pray 3 time in the quran Edited by Aneesah Shabazz