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Help for a friend |
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Fear_Allah 
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Female Joined: 24 August 2006 Status: Offline Points: 217 |
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 Topic: Help for a friendPosted: 12 August 2007 at 7:03am |
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Assalam alikom,
It's a problem of a friend of me.I just need advice to know what to do with her. Actually I knew that girl from the net.She is muslim and lives in Uk.She was born muslim. While I was speaking to her.I firstly asked her if she wears hijab.She said"No". I asked her why.She said that she just doesn't and seemed to be angry.She also said that she prays nearly five times a WEEK. I was bothered to hear that.I said that I have to help her.I'm not a scholar but I said that I may try.I try to be good with her and speak gently. Later,she told me that she has a christian boyfriend.Of course I told her how bad it was.I asked her to leave him immediately.I tried but in vain. The thing that made me post here is that when I told her that we must be good to please Allah"swt" and for a good life in Paradise inshaa Allah,She answered strangely and said that most of us "even muslims"will go to hell. She said that she is Sunni and Sunni believe so.I replied that I myself is Sunni alhamdulellah but It was the first time to hear that.I told her that if she did the good and was away of sins,She'll go to Paradise inshaa Allah. Unfortunately she wasn't convinced.She still knows that guy. Sometimes I think of leaving her.I don't want her to affect me.But I say again that I have to advise her again and again.I feel a bit responsible of the things she does as I don't try my hardest to convince her. I really don't know what to do with her. Please make dua' that Allah"Swt" guides her to the right path.Ameen.. |
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Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 11:12am |
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She really sounds like a confused woman! Its almost like she is "lost." I think her saying that is to justify her actions.. "well I am going to hell anyway..so" She may be "angry" cause you may not be the first person to question her actions. And sometimes anger is "defensive" casue she "knows" she is not doing right. How old is she, do you have any idea? She sounds about 16. If you feel that she is negatively affecting you, then give yourself a break. We all need "space" to recharge our batteries. Also, maybe talk about other subjects as well. If she see you as a "friend" then you can help her more.
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Fear_Allah
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Female Joined: 24 August 2006 Status: Offline Points: 217 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 8:56pm |
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Assalam alikom,
Thanks sister Hayfa for help. About her age,She is 24... I really try to befriend her first.But you know,I always ask myself "till when??" I don't have much times as my university will start in 15/9 inshaa Allah. Then,I'll be nearly unable to speak with her. I just feel frustrated when she says to me:"Tomorrow,I'm gonna meet my boyfriend". I feel that I've to speak.. I know her problem,She-unfortunately-nearly doesn't have muslim friends.She has none to influence her well.Even her family.She always says that she is much better than her sister. I felt it was good to know each other.But her negative reactions don't help me. Sometimes I feel it may be my fault as I'm not a good adviser.If you know a good way or a good start,please do tell me. Finally,I want to know.Will I be guilty if I abandoned her as I know that she has none else to help her?? Again,please make dua' for her. |
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Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
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Salams_wife
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Joined: 31 July 2007 Status: Offline Points: 296 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 8:57pm |
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You and your friend are in my prayers. I can't tell you for sure what is best for you to do in your case. The best thing I can say is for you to pray for her and make it known you do not accept what she is doing, but that you will be there for her if she needs guidance or help.
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ak_m_f
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Joined: 15 October 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3272 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 10:34pm |
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She has every right to be angry, you should stop interfering in her personal life.
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Fear_Allah
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Female Joined: 24 August 2006 Status: Offline Points: 217 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 10:59pm |
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Assalam alikom,
I'd never speak to her again before I think of hearing of her stories and saying nothing.. Have you ever heard that who keeps his mouth shut on the right is a dumb Satan??? Moreover,I'm not that person who asks and asks.She herself likes me to speak with her about her secrets but my problem is that she justifies her actions strangely and doesn't like to be said wrong... May Allah help her and me as well.. Edited by Fear_Allah |
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Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
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rookaiya
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Joined: 04 May 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 385 |
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Posted: 12 August 2007 at 11:55pm |
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asalamu alaikum we cant be held accountable for the actions of other people. some people are just too stubborn and no matter how hard you try to tell them the truth, they remain on the wrong path and find every petty excuse to justify their behaviour. i have a similar friend too, whom i care for very much but i dont agree with some of her behaviours. when i questioned her a few times, she felt that i was over reacting and she made me realise that in the end, Allah SWT is the ultimate judge. for the sake of peace, i no longer comment on her lifestyle. she knows that im against some of the unislamic things that she does and we opt not to talk about it anymore through my discussions with her, she made me realise that i too am lacking in so many areas islamically, and instead of picking on her faults, i should rather make myself a better muslimah first. its very hard not to judge those we care for, but who are we to judge. how perfect our our lives and practices? |
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"so surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surah 94. verses 5 and 6
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Her_Husband
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Joined: 13 August 2007 Status: Offline Points: 10 |
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Posted: 13 August 2007 at 1:09pm |
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Bismi allah al-rahman al-raheem al-salam alaikum, well, I know this forum is only for sisters (women), I am sorry if I am not supposed to be here, but I just want to support Salams_wife for what she said, I completely agree with what she has said, to pray for her (though you all know that our prophit Ibraheem asked God to help his father and guide him to bilieve in one God, but I think you all know what God did answer him) God said in qura'an that he will not change what is going on with people until those people change what is inside them, so it is really depend on us and on what is inside us, sometimes people choose the easy way just because it is easy and it makes them feel different, but it doesn't mean it is the right thing, to please allah, it needs hard work from us though God asked us to do what we can and not to try to do what we really can't, Islam is easy and clear, I will tell you what our prophit Mohammed (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) has said in this topic: (if one of you saw something wrong then try to change it by his hands, if he couldn't then by his mouth, if he couldn't then by his heart and this is the weakest faith.) by his hands means: to change it immediately if he can by his mouth means: to talk, to tell, that this thing is wrong by his heart means: to refuse it inside his or her heart and soul, yes the prophit (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) said this is the weakest faith but it is still faith and it is better than doing nothing, specially sometimes when we are powerless to change the wrong thing by our hands or our mouth, So dear sister (the one who posted this subject), you did really great by trying to help your friend, and I am gald that you tried, and yes keep trying with the best you can , BUT BUT BUT, if you feel that this thing is affecting your life then leave it cause it means this thing is more bigger than your abilities or your power, your life is more important for you and for your family to keep it going on the right direction and path, you did what you can and you did your best and I am sure you can do even more but it shouldn't affect your life, never, there are always responsibilities in your life and they have priority, so do for that girl what you can but if it strats to affect your life then leave it, there is always God and other people, do as the prophit (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) has said: change it with your heart, refuse it dear sister and work hard that you and your kids will never be in that situation, and inshallah never. this is why I support what Salams_wife have said in this topic, and again I support her a lot in what she said and I am so glad for her nice selected words and idea and I am sure it came from her pure heart, May God bless and help and be with Salams_wife and all the sisters in this forum and all the good people in this world, and I hope he will guide us and all the people in this world to the right way and path that please him and open all the heaven doors for all of us, inshallah, ameen, Take care all of you and I hope to see more of those nice and good teaching discussions, good luck for the poster sister for this forum with her friend and most important WITH HER LIFE. |
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Salams_wife wrote: