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First Wife in Polygamy |
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abuayisha 
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Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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 Posted: 14 June 2009 at 12:57pm |
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"...he who upsets her, upsets me."
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Pati
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Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 1:24pm |
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Really, I don't know what is the best for the children. It should depend on the situations. But I believe that lot of the cases where the husband is abusing, are coming from this situations where he is not pleased, maybe not feeling enough for his wife... and I am talking about general situations in the marriage, not only about muslims.
I will make an example: in old times, the women didn't say in public that their husbands where bitting them because the society where not caring about it, or, what is worst, the people reaction was to say "she should have done something really bad". The real problem, sometimes, is not what you want to do, you may have clear ideas, the real problem is the answer of the society.
Is the same with the hijab or other muslim traditions. I see everyday girls in the bus, coming back home and putting hijab, removing make up... why they don't have the chance to go this way at home? Because maybe their parents would not accept them.
But, anyway, I think we will never arrive to a common point in this thread, unfortunately, because I am talking about a marriage where the love is first, what is our idea.
Don't worry, Chrysalis, I know it
OK, but if the woman loves the first husband, why she has to renounce to him because he is sterile? Why the husband has the chance to have to wives because the first one cannot get children, but on the other side, the woman doesn't have the same choice? It's not fair, again. Don't you think?
Yes, normally the husband is maintaining the wife, but in the current times, it may be possible that the wife is earning more money... what about this situation where a woman can maintain two men?
Yes, but that example is supporting what I want to say: the second wife is a professional woman, independient... while the first one is depending on the husband.
My question is if two professional and independent women would accept to share their husband. Would they do?
Regards,
Patricia
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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
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Gulliver
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Joined: 12 September 2008 Status: Offline Points: 621 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 1:41pm |
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There may never be agreement on these issues Pati, as you say, cause it is very apparent how conditioned we all are by our societies, cultures and religions.
"But is it polygamy that caused the man to fall in love with someone else? Or was it his own individual action? (Which is exactly why Islam sets certain limitations on male-female interactions, so such incidents do not take place). Doesnt this sort of thing happen in non-polygamous situations as well? What would happen in a non-polygamous situation? The man would simply leave/divorce his wife and marry the other. If any children involved, or the woman doesnt want to let go - too bad!"
Yeah it does happen in non polygamous too.
Falling in love, beginning to truly love another human being is not the same as falling in lust. So separating the sexes does not necessarily prevent anything - least of all, 'falling in love'. Sex and love are confused all the time, in all cultures and societies.
I was talking to a friend of mine in London this afternoon, and he was telling me about the new breed of professional female sexual predator. 'It's coming over from NY', he said. Cesspit. Sorry to the folks in US here. But that country really has produced things that you'd be hard pressed to find in a toilet at times.
He is in his early twenties, very good looking, and said he feels like a male hooker sitting in a bar, the way some of those women 'hit on me.' Power dressed sluts that they are ;-)
I should not really say that about these women - mimicking the worst of male behaviour. They are victims of their own misundestood 'feminism'. Can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.
Has to begin at home, with the kiddies - teaching them, boys and girls, to respect their very selves, and each other - as human beings.
Where it all begins, and ends methinks.
Spank me !!! lol This Vit C is going to my head. Edited by Gulliver - 14 June 2009 at 1:46pm |
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Pati
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Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 2:13pm |
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Hi gulliver,
It's not only the American women... just come over the Spanish coast and meet the english girls there... or Ibiza!!! It's crazy how lost they are.
We are losing all kind of morality, and just looking for pleasure like animals (with "we" I am talking about the society, not about me
 ).The main problem is in the education received by the children: now, the way of forming the children is "on their own"... it's not usual to find a parents who are limiting the freedom of their children. It's a big mistake because the children don't give value to anything, for instance, the sex.
I had a neighbour in my town who was on 15 years old, and he was meeting girls through internet just for sex!!! I was giving him classes, and he was talking about his experiences (I was on 24 years old, and what he was telling me was getting me shocked!!). Actually, I had to stop giving him classes, because he started to "offer" me his goods as lover, and I decided to stop every contact with him. It was crazy!!
I hope that all this will change in a near future, and we will stabilise. Otherwise... I don't know what are we going to do
 Patricia
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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
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Gulliver
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Joined: 12 September 2008 Status: Offline Points: 621 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 2:35pm |
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Oh I know it's the same all over Pati. And the way the young are drinking is not helping matters at all. It is really bad. If it were possible to 'ban' it - I'd agree with banning it the way it's going here. Drinking now coming out of primary schools. Some before they even leave primary. They wanted Sunday openings, bars open to early hours or all night and access to off licences all under the guise of greater choice. Reaping the benefits now and it's not good, at all. It is all about sex, so much of it too. Animals don't treat each other the way human beings can do. So much sexual predation and abuse at so many levels - all supposedly under the banner of 'freedom'. It's a sure road to hell. It's not just today. It's always been there in some form or other, at times worse than others. It's not easy for children, younger people, when they are bombarded, fed diets of endless filth and garbage day in and day out from all fronts. Even they don't believe in God, or religion. Most people do want to be respected. And if they are shown respect, taught this from the youngest age - they will learn, show respect for others. You need to get those who've been down that road to talk to some of these young people. Let them see that a big free for all, doing what you want, having sex with whomever you want does not make you happy, but does most definitely strip you of every shred of dignity. Bit like taking youngsters into a hospital and letting them see someone after drink driving, or using drugs - the real horror of it. Or gasping their lungs out after years of smoking. Some say that would be an abuse itself. I don't know. Some times you really do need a good shock or you have to learn the harder way - doing it yourself perhaps. Dunno what the answers are. You look at the young children some times, and wonder what kind of world they are going to grow up in. You can only try your best to give them a real sense of self worth, and teach them that you really should not do to other people what you would not wish done to yourself. As me granny always said, "God save us all, from the bites of the cannibals." |
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Saladin
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Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 3:46pm |
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This mono vs polygyny is kind of like the veganism vs non veg debates......
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'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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Gulliver
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Joined: 12 September 2008 Status: Offline Points: 621 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 4:02pm |
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Like I said, culture and religion condition us all.
If it is a matter of diet - your taste and preference for one carrot or six, (are carrots allowed in a vegan diet ? not sure) - then yes that's about all this 'debate' - which I thought was more about human dignity - is worth.
Though considering, according to some beliefs, we have been carrots at one time or another anyway, or will be - then again you're right - vegan vs non vegan diet about sums it up.
Interesting that a 'male' member here puts it in that context :-) Kinda gives new meaning to, 'have your cake (vegan/non vegan diet) and eat it." |
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abuayisha
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Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Posted: 14 June 2009 at 6:22pm |
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"This mono vs polygyny is kind of like the veganism vs non veg debates......"
Wow, don't I wish it were that simple. We're talking major hurt and pain for the first wife - in most cases (First Wife Syndrome). |
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Chrysalis wrote: