First Wife in Polygamy

"To say that women must NOT be happy if they ar ein polygyny is like saying no one can be happy in monogamy.. "

We can't speak in absolute terms, however it is safe, in my opinion, to generalize women's feelings with respect to sharing their husband.  Therefore, most are NOT happy.

�Gulliver, nowhere does it say that a man must love his wives equally. That is not anywhere in the Quran. He must provide for both his wives and spend equal time. (Unless a wife forfeits those rights by her choice) The affairs of the heart are a mystery.  And it is possible to love different people in different ways.�

I am beginning to see something here I had never noticed before, cause it never caught my attention or interest.  Marriage as �sacrament,� and �social contract�.  Interesting.

Yes, the affairs of the heart are a mystery as we all know Hayfa. We can love people in different ways. If society reached a point where there were not enough caring and loving heterosexual people. Would Islam allow homosexual persons the right to love, care for, and raise children ? Or would it be better for the dogs in the to street attempt that ?  Hypothetically speaking.

Again, I am talking about the �ideal� situation in this relationship business. Looking at it from different perspectives � albeit it very subjective ones for the most part.  In ALL freedom, what the woman might freely choose.  I can understand how in certain societies/cultures, the socio economic implications, and the survival of the species are core components in all of this � that being raised in those societies, women may indeed feel it is perfectly normal and fulfilling for them to live in polygamous relationships, and they may indeed be truly happy in them.

I did say, IF it works, and the woman is truly happy � every blessing to her, and her marriage and children.  I wonder though, if they could experience life outside those societies/cultures that they�d feel/want the same. East or West is irrelevant. I am not saying either that the socially constructed monogamous relationship is the ideal, or what will best make people happy. Though, at least some evidence does seem to suggest that children flourish best in a home with two parents, mother and father who are committed to and love each other. Maybe there is such research on polygamous relationships around the world too.

I am only giving perspectives on what I know myself as a human being, and have seen and known in others in various kinds of relationships.  Most people like the security, at all levels, of loving and being loved as a couple.  Not threesomes, foursomes or orgies.  Though there are a lot, men and women, who do fantasise about such things.

The times I have had to dish out bromide and slap butts with fresh nettles � the dirty bastes. You�d be shocked ;-)

Would you be happy with to be one of two or more wives, Hayfa ?

That�s really what I am interested in knowing. What each person here feels personally about this. Would you rather have a one to one loving relationship � one man and one woman. Or be one wife of two or more to one man ? IF there were no pressures/influences from society or religion.

It seems that Muhammad did truly love one woman for many years, his first wife. And from what I have read, it would seem that Aisha was his �favourite� wife after that. I can understand how he married other women for a variety of reasons, and accept that. What the intent was there � the greater good, saving women from lives as outcasts or being left destitute. 

What kinds of societies create such women in the first place though. I am NOT saying Islam did or does. Muhammad obviously made an attempt to change the status of women in this regard too � that they were not just property and concubines.

This is not a religious issue as far as I am concerned, here. It�s irrelevant whether I believe in God, or not. I am just wondering what the average human being, woman, or man, would like �ideal�ly.      And YES, Hayfa, we all know this world is far from ideal.  If a woman could support herself, be content in herself, and her relationship with God, would she need to become a second or third wife to some man at all.

�Polygyny provides a solution to some of life's problems. When there is a shortage of men, for example after a devastating war, many women will be unable to find husbands. Most women in that situation, given the option, would rather be a co-wife than no wife.�  Interesting. 

http://www.angelfire.com/me/ummnurah/islam.html

Love your neighbour, as you love your self.

Love for your brother/sister what you love for your self.

From a purely religious perspective. If believing in God.

I don�t believe any human being satisfies us wholly anyway � or can do so, not indefinitely.  I have to agree with Augustine, �the heart is restless Oh God, till it rests only in You�.  Even the greatest love in this life it seems is just a taste, reflection, image of what the relationship with the Creator might be like in its fullness. It�s like these experiences can �point� us to that highest kind of relationship � where we relate with God every moment, at every level, every day � always.

IF a woman has that � what need has she of any man.  If they come lookin� any oul hanky panky � beat them out the door and buy them a blow up rubber doll for their birthday ;-) lol  I am gonna get barred.

I need to have a look at the Qu�ran to see what it does say on this matter, Hayfa. I am not doubting you at all. But to �meet the needs� of any human being, especially someone as close as a spouse � would imply meeting their deepest, corest need to be loved and cherished for who they are alone. Something �sacred� in that methinks.  Though again I may be wrong. These are just thoughts.  And NOT a criticism of Islam or any religion per se.  I keep battling for women �priests� in Catholicism ;-) lol   Those male �priests� couldn�t run a headless chicken coop, never mind a home, and even less a �church�.

Interesting thoughts folks.