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Why men cheat?

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Tahiyyah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tahiyyah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2008 at 12:49pm

As Salaamu Alaikum,

               My  Dear Sister, I don't know if we can actually call it cheating. As Muslim women we know that Allah(swt) has given men that right over us. The tricky part is, are these women they are going to see are women they intend to marry. If so there are also guidelines they need to be following. Now if these women they are involved with are women they are just fooling around with it's basically haram relationship. That is how Allah(swt) has created them. Whether they are Muslim or not, they just have to have more than one woman. It happened to me a lot when I married my 1st husband and we  weren't Muslim either. That is just how men are. Alhamdulillaah lots of the brothers can control themselves.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2008 at 5:17am

Tahiyyah,

Well just ot clarify.. I don't thnik many of us are talking about men who are looking for another wife. But are doing haram things.

I have no idea where it was implied that these men are looking for 2nd, 3rd wife etc. If you sleep with any woman, outside the bounds of marriage, and you are married, that is cheating. Period.

 

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Israfil Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 March 2008 at 9:11am

Humans aren't genetically monogamous creatures period says so the biologist........

Want a man, or a worm?

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Among mammals, expecting monogamy tends to run against the grain of nature.
By David P. Barash
March 12, 2008
As an evolutionary biologist, I look at New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's now-public sexual indiscretions and feel justified in saying, "I told you so."

One of the most startling discoveries of the last 15 years has been the extent of sexual infidelity (scientists call it "extra-pair copulations" or EPCs) among animals long thought to be monogamous. It's clear that social monogamy -- physical association and child rearing between a male and a female -- and sexual monogamy are very different things. The former is common; the latter is rare.

At one point in the movie "Heartburn," Nora Ephron's barely fictionalized account of her marriage to reporter Carl Bernstein, the heroine tearfully tells her father about her husband's infidelities, only to be advised, "You want monogamy? Marry a swan." Yet thanks to DNA evidence, we know now that even those famously loyal swans aren't sexually monogamous.

One species that is, and, significantly, perhaps the only one that could be reliably designated as such, is Diploz�on paradoxum, a parasitic worm that inhabits the intestines of fish. Among these animals, male and female pair up while adolescents; their bodies literally fuse together, whereupon they remain sexually faithful until death does not them part.

One of the most important insights of modern evolutionary biology has been an enhanced understanding of male-female differences, deriving especially from the production of sperm versus eggs. Because sperm are produced in vast numbers, with little if any required parental follow-through, males of most species are aggressive sexual adventurers, inclined to engage in sex with multiple partners when they can. Males who succeed in doing so leave more descendants.

A story is told in New Zealand about the early 19th century visit of an Episcopal bishop to an isolated Maori village. As everyone was about to retire after an evening of high-spirited feasting and dancing, the village headman -- wanting to show sincere hospitality to his honored guest -- called out, "A woman for the bishop." Seeing a scowl of disapproval on the prelate's face, the host roared even louder, "Two women for the bishop!"

On balance, the Maori headman had an acute understanding of men. He also reflected a powerful cross-cultural universal: Around the world, high-ranking men have long enjoyed sexual access to comparatively large numbers of women, typically young and attractive. Moreover, women have by and large found such men appealing beyond what may be predicted from their immediate physical traits. "Power," wrote Henry Kissinger, "is the ultimate aphrodisiac."

Power-as-pheromone is pretty much the default among mammals. Elk, elephant seal, baboon or chimpanzee, in a wide array of species, females eagerly mate with dominant males while disdaining subordinates. And they do so, more or less, in harems.

Not surprisingly, before the homogenization of cultures that resulted from Western colonialism, more than 85% of human societies unabashedly favored polygamy. In such societies, men who accumulate power, wealth and status gain additional wives and consorts. In avowedly monogamous cultures, successful males accumulate a wife and often additional girlfriends. Even if, thanks to birth control technology, they do not actually reproduce as a result (and thus enhance their evolutionary "fitness"), they are responding to the biological pressures that whisper within men.

Part of being successful, moreover, is a tendency to feel entitled and often to be uninhibited -- in part because one outcome of our species-wide polygamous history is that successful men have been those who took risks, which paid off. The losers were mostly found among the unsuccessful bachelors who, by definition, did not contribute very much to succeeding generations of men, or to their inclinations.

All of which contributes to the apparent sex appeal of such less-than-stunning physical specimens as Kissinger, Woody Allen and Bill Clinton, not to mention the persistence of sex scandals among the popular and powerful across the political and ideological spectrum, including Thomas Jefferson, JFK, Hugh Grant, Newt Gingrich, Larry Craig and a long list, receding almost to the infinite past as well as likely into the indefinite future. For men at the top -- rock stars, successful athletes, politicians, wealthy CEOs, the jet-set glitterati -- such opportunities are exceedingly numerous, not so much because they have insatiable sex drives but because they are dominant males in a biologically randy species.

Some readers may bridle at this characterization of Homo sapiens as EPC-inclined, but the evidence is overwhelming. That doesn't justify adultery, by either sex, especially because human beings -- even those burdened by a Y chromosome and suffering from testosterone poisoning -- are presumed capable of exercising control over their impulses. Especially if, via wedding vows, they have promised to do so. After all, "doing what comes naturally" is what nonhuman animals do. People, most of us like to think, have the unique capacity to act contrary to their biologically given inclinations. Maybe, in fact, it is what makes us human.

But even a smidgen of evolutionary insight suggests that maleness plus money plus political power isn't likely to add up to the kind of sexual restraint that the public expects. A concluding word, therefore, to the outraged voters of New York state: You want monogamy? Elect a swan. Or better yet, a Diploz�on paradoxum.

David P. Barash, an evolutionary biologist, is professor of psychology at the University of Washington.
 
 
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I've come to learn that monogamy is sanctioned by culture, not divine mandate. Although God in the Qur'an has established (by law) that we as practicing Muslims remain noble it is not established in the Qur'an that humans are SUPPOSED to be monogamous. In our own development of ethic we have established as advanced cultures that when a man (or woman) transgress the boundaries of an established and monogamous relationship we determine that such an action is wrong. Is this belief universal? Perhaps in the most general cultures it is wrong but some people don't see it as wrong. Look at Swingers etc where men and women share each other with strangers (or friends) and yet they do not see this as ethically wrong. Again, this Godforsaken thread shouldn't be about why men and women do this it should be about why people cheat period.
 
Regardless what statistics imply who does more what the bottom line is both human males and females cheat. It doesn't matter who does more. However I will say threads like this are the reasons why we have this division in sex relations. I myself as a male can create a thousand threads on the negative aspects of women and believe me there are over a thousand but we must understand that personality flaws are reality. I believe its better to focus on the positives that each sex has to offer and move on beyond why people do this. I just believe Nur was in a weird place when she created this. Come on she tried to argue for the purpose of FGM!


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restless View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote restless Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2008 at 11:06pm
I am surprised, no one has pointed out the correct reason yet! The actual reason is that, for better or for worse, men have higher level of testesterone in their blood. On average, an adult human male body produces about forty to sixty times more testosterone than an adult female body. Hence, men have stronger sexual desire than women which many of them find difficult to suppress.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Israfil Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 April 2008 at 10:24pm

Originally posted by restless restless wrote:

I am surprised, no one has pointed out the correct reason yet! The actual reason is that, for better or for worse, men have higher level of testesterone in their blood. On average, an adult human male body produces about forty to sixty times more testosterone than an adult female body. Hence, men have stronger sexual desire than women which many of them find difficult to suppress.

This is ridiculous! So what about women who have high sexual drives and high rates of sexual intercourse? Do they have an excess amount of estrogen? Besides, cheating is not always about sexual intercourse. cheating involves several things such as avilability demographics etc.....Cheating is not genetic.

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Tahiyyah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tahiyyah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2008 at 7:10am

As Salaamu Alaikum,

             My Dearest Sisters in Al-Islam. I am sorry for the answering the question about why do men cheat the way I did. I guess I was very hurt and probably a little angry upon read the sister's story. I assume it was an improper answer because the forum left me a message stating that they were keeping an eye on it. InSha Allah Allah(swt) will forgive me and have mercy on my soul and you all as well. Once again I am sorry to all of you. As Salaamu Alaikum.

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Tahiyyah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tahiyyah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2008 at 7:17am

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Dearest Hayfa. You are correct. I simply misunderstood the question. Please forgive me InSha Allah.  As Salaamu Alaikum.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote restless Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2008 at 10:08pm
Originally posted by Israfil Israfil wrote:

Originally posted by restless restless wrote:

I am surprised, no one has pointed out the correct reason yet! The actual reason is that, for better or for worse, men have higher level of testesterone in their blood. On average, an adult human male body produces about forty to sixty times more testosterone than an adult female body. Hence, men have stronger sexual desire than women which many of them find difficult to suppress.

This is ridiculous! So what about women who have high sexual drives and high rates of sexual intercourse? Do they have an excess amount of estrogen? Besides, cheating is not always about sexual intercourse. cheating involves several things such as avilability demographics etc.....Cheating is not genetic.

I can excuse you for your lack of education but I can't help it if you don't have common sense.

Bye.

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