need advice, marriage problems

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   hmmm
This can be very hard.. Being strict is fine.. but we all need to be reasonable, practical and such. 
And your husband can leave you home with someone and yet tells you not to open the curtains.. (sun is really good for mental health let alone Vitamin D :))
One thing if he wants you not to do the stuff to maintain the home in a timely fashion, if you have a leak call him and he can arrange it to be fixed. .. I am not being pig-headed.. but that is what he has left you..  And then he needs to be home to take you out.. etc. 
Another thing is to make women friends. Women tend to be "VERY" focused on certain things. This makes it obsessing and with nothing else to think about. Having women friends, doing stuff keeps us balanced. Never neglect. But Muslim women in the west can get isolated. Ask his permission.. join a sewing club (if you like sewing). 
I liken it to my boss.. she is very good (my teacher in karate). And worknig for her, I asked her permission for this or that when making a decision. Over time she relaxed and knows that I'll do what she wants. If you ask before you do, then you get the way he thinks and he feels head of the household. (It is like reverse psychology ) 
And also, I would tell him in the super case it is important for you to know him and he knows you. This is gor practical and safety reasons. What if you are facing an emergency or such. Maybe next time you can be home and you both meet him when he comes for repairs? I know living in apartment, I knew Raul well. And it really helped. Its good to knowe who is around you, men and women alike. 

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Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 January 2008 at 5:04am
	hmmm This can be very hard.. Being strict is fine.. but we all need to be reasonable, practical and such. And your husband can leave you home with someone and yet tells you not to open the curtains.. (sun is really good for mental health let alone Vitamin D :)) One thing if he wants you not to do the stuff to maintain the home in a timely fashion, if you have a leak call him and he can arrange it to be fixed. .. I am not being pig-headed.. but that is what he has left you.. And then he needs to be home to take you out.. etc. Another thing is to make women friends. Women tend to be "VERY" focused on certain things. This makes it obsessing and with nothing else to think about. Having women friends, doing stuff keeps us balanced. Never neglect. But Muslim women in the west can get isolated. Ask his permission.. join a sewing club (if you like sewing). I liken it to my boss.. she is very good (my teacher in karate). And worknig for her, I asked her permission for this or that when making a decision. Over time she relaxed and knows that I'll do what she wants. If you ask before you do, then you get the way he thinks and he feels head of the household. (It is like reverse psychology ) And also, I would tell him in the super case it is important for you to know him and he knows you. This is gor practical and safety reasons. What if you are facing an emergency or such. Maybe next time you can be home and you both meet him when he comes for repairs? I know living in apartment, I knew Raul well. And it really helped. Its good to knowe who is around you, men and women alike.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Mrs. Sallah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 17 January 2008 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4	Post Options Post Reply Quote Mrs. Sallah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2008 at 10:37am
	Asalaam Aleikum, Sisters your advice has been an enormous help. I have faith that Allah SWT will not leave me stranded and return my husband to me or give me the strength to continue with my life. Sometimes when your stuck in a situation for a long time , you can't see anything else until you get out of that situation. I see my mistakes and my faults and am willing to compromise and work with him. I just hope that in his heart it is not too late. May Allah bless those who Have given me advice and continue to include me in your duas. Ma salaam.