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First Wife in Polygamy
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 June 2009 at 11:18am
The Case of First Wife in Polygamy
 
First Wife Syndrome
 
"Polygamy, though recognized by Islamic religion and socially accepted, is usually considered a difficult life experience which caused psychological reaction in the first wife."
 
Initial Reactions: 'Nervous breakdown, emotional upset or outbursts of anger, negative attitude toward husband and hostility toward new wife always exists.'
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Shasta'sAunt View Drop Down
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

The Case of First Wife in Polygamy
 
First Wife Syndrome
 
"Polygamy, though recognized by Islamic religion and socially accepted, is usually considered a difficult life experience which caused psychological reaction in the first wife."
 
Initial Reactions: 'Nervous breakdown, emotional upset or outbursts of anger, negative attitude toward husband and hostility toward new wife always exists.'
 
It's actually polygyny, I don't know why they can't get that correct.
 
I think polygyny would be extremely difficult and somewhat against the woman's basic human nature.
�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Originally posted by Shasta'sAunt Shasta'sAunt wrote:

 
I think polygyny would be extremely difficult and somewhat against the woman's basic human nature.
 
Yeah, so it's little wonder that polygyny causes in most women the above mentioned reactions.
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Gulliver View Drop Down
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How would men feel, if the women had multiple husbands I wonder. 
 
Like that whole concept of the 'open relationship'.  An absolute farce. I think most people, if they are really honest, like to be respected as human beings - women and men. Especially by he one who is supposed to be a spouse.
 
Bromide and nettles would help cure that particular affliction. If that doesn't work - send to the vet to be neutered.  
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Gulliver,

Question: in most places in the world there are more women then men.. a few places like China and parts of India where they kill female fetuses..  But most other places there are more women to men..

Now if you believe in the sanctity of marriage... what should these women do?  Then on top of it, I would say a good portion of the men should not marry... either cannot support a wife OR frankly are prettybad men you don't want your daughter to marry... the options for a good men have shrunk rapidly.

So yes, people DO abuse the system. All systems are abused. But really what should those single women do?

To me polygyny is a part of a system so that each and every person gets basic needs met. Is it for all no. But there are quite a number of women who don't really mind.  In fact many women resent sharing, not because they want their husbands so bad, but because they might have to split resources.  Thus a man should only do it if he has the resources to do it.

I am not going too much further into it.. as people who cannot see things through a different lens there is not much point.

But really where there are not enough good men to go around, what should those women do?


 
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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The Islamic approach to marriage is a solution to the social problems Hayfa outlined. For those who disagree - Any suggestions on how to solve these issues?
 
Abusing any system is wrong, and results in harm.
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Gulliver View Drop Down
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I am not talking about Islam here - or any religious 'system'. Such concerns are of little concern to me now. You can choose to believe what you want, as a matter of religion, folks.  No offense intended.  I have seen enough of religion to keep me off it for life, now. 
 
I hope I might still throw my thoughts about on various issues.  If it seems I am attacking or undermining or insulting - challenge me, and I will try and clarify.
 
I am talking here really, and simply about human beings. Men, or women.  Most people want to be respected.
 
Ideally, I'd imagine, any woman, or half decent man, would not want their spouse/partner shacking up with half a dozen others. Would any of you, the married ones, or those of you with partners, want your husbands or wives sleeping, being intimate with other partners/spouses ?   I do know in relationships such things can work. Where one partner maybe has lost all interest in sex for whatever reasons, he/she may be happy that the partner find sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Not an ideal situation - but it does happen. 
 
I suppose if it works for you, you are happy with it - then sure, go for it - a husband with umpteen wives, or vice versa.
 
Where there are not 'enough men' - there are other options. I'd be shot for mentioning them here though.  Not very religious. Maybe there is something wrong with the system/religion that creates a society where women feel they need to depend on a man in the first instance.  There's more to a relationship than breeding the next generation.
 
We need a few matriarchs in the world. Some women who really know how to 'kick' butt'.  There you go Chrys, and Shasta. I nominate you two. ;-)
 
Many people choose not to get married Hayfa, and can live quite happily/independently without a spouse.
 
I realise societies/systems are not perfect, and open to wild abuses.  But I wonder that in the 'ideal' 'system' - the human person - man or woman, would not ideally wish to truly love, be loved by, one spouse.  Course there are many who would disagree with that - give arguments against that being the 'ideal'.  That a 'stud' or a 'nympho' with mutilple spouses can work just as well. Sure - for him, her. Not so sure about all the spouses though.
 
Some people can love more than one spouse perhaps - and that might work.  I don't think you will find too many capable of such a capacity to love all the wifelettes or hubbys equally well, that all would be equally satisfied in the poly type relationship/marriage.
 
Course if it's that or dying in poverty and destitution - of course it will seem much better. Doesn't make it ideal though.
 
The green eyed monster is gonna raise its head there somewhere in those kinds of set ups. And those who say it won't are either fools or liars.
 
I've talked to  few people, men and women in those kinds of setups - and the mental gymnastics they go through to try and convince themselves they are happier is laughable.  
 
Just a little aside on the 'religion' thing.  I believe that IF God exists, then religion should unite people before God. If it does not, then it is not a 'true' religion. To date, I see all religions doing great good, but also being the greatest source of division between individuals, nations and societies, and it does more to instill fear, than love of God, IF God exists.
 
That's why I want to keep outside religious 'systems' from now on - but still like to relate to all good people of faith within them.
 
 


Edited by Gulliver - 11 June 2009 at 9:05am
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Gulliver View Drop Down
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Just as a matter of interest here.  Chrys and Shasta. Hayfa too :-)
 
Would you be happy in these kinds of relationships ? Where you were not the only wife ?
 
When might it be acceptable, and when might it not be ? What would you wish for yourself 'ideal'lly, and why ?
 
If you care to answer that is.
 
Don't make it about Islam or a defense of Islam. Forget religion for a while. As human beings, women - what would be your 'ideal' as regards marriage and spouse/s ?
 
Thanks
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