Unfair behaviour? |
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-Nyd-
Starter. Female Joined: 05 March 2015 Status: Offline Points: 4 |
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Posted: 05 March 2015 at 6:22am |
I am in a (long distance) relationship with a Muslim man from Turkey. I have a hard time understanding him a lot of the time. To me his behaviour seems unfair. He always says everything he does is in Islam. But sometimes I am not sure. I believe in God and I have begun to study Islam...and to me his behaviour seems ungodly even bad at times. But maybe there are things I don't understand and I would be grateful if anyone could shed some light on this.
(FYI , I converted to Islam) 1. He uses trickery and disguises his real intentions so I will feel safe and be close to him and then come out with what he really wants. 2. He uses my own feelings against me, as in threatens to leave if I don't do X. That is called blackmailing. 3. He tries to manipulate me slowly. First he says I don't want hijab. Just no mini skirt. Then he keeps changing and wanting more, more and more. And the more I compromise the more he wants. 4. He starts a fire and then runs away...as in he starts fights....and then does not want to talk! Usually he will critisize something I do. 5. He jumps to conclusions always. He acts before thinking. 99% of the time nothing is wrong but he gets upset before asking and making sure. 6. He will tell me to "s*****p". He does often not want to talk about problems (usually when he is upset) He does not give me one chance to explain. Not one sentence. 7. He "punishes" me with silence. If he thinks I did something wrong he will ban me from chat and say "if you have questions email me. Don't talk to me on chat or elsewhere". The first time he did that I walked away eventually because I felt he must not love me. After three weeks he contacted me and said I made my decision. He thinks I should not walk away no matter what. Like he wants a confirmation of my love. Overall I get the feeling he wants a woman to worship him at his feet while he does nothing and misbehaves and is cruel. I am always expected to email or talk to him first too. 8. He suffers from extreme jealousy and distrust. He openly says he doesn't trust me and that is why he wants me to stay at home and not talk to any man. Not even for handling day to day things. I am really not the type to cheat, at all and I don't like my honor insult by his low trust. 9. He breaks his own rules. I have agreed to some compromise...but then he changes his view and gets upset...when I did exactly what he said. That is lieing basically which supposedly he doesn't do. I am inclined to take him by his word, meaning what he originally said bc otherwise I would assume he is a liar and changes things around as needed :). 10. He does not compromise. He does not give just receive. He says nice things of course...but as far as actions...he is lacking. Compromise is not something he knows..his way or no way. I said we come from different backgrounds, so we need understanding and compromise. But no. I have a feeling he sees women as only giving and men as receiving. The man always knows best, even if he is wrong. His behaviour is hurtful, impulsive. He tries to get his way with force and threats and not with love and patience. But what does he tell me? It is all in Islam. It is in your best interest. As far as I'm concerned, he is on the best way to hell too and he has jinn attached to him even. He is not happy as he confessed to me and I think he is suffering torment on earth already for his behaviour. I have refused his conditions so far and from my western point of view his behaviour is horrible. But I still want to understand what is going on before I draw a line. We stopped talking for a month because of these problems and ever since he stopped pretty much all of it. But I don't know if that is real change. And now he banned me from talking again because I went out to a Music Event with my sister when we weren't talking. On top of that this did not even go against any of his "rules". He said it is okay for me to go out with my sister. Last time he did not have a problem. So how would you judge this? Are these faults of this that he needs to change? If so are there quotes from the Quran or any good advice in Islam I can pass on to him so he can understand he needs to better himself. Or am I seeing certain things the wrong way? Feel free to explain his viewpoint to me, I want to understand. |
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Abu Loren
Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1646 |
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Leave him.
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La Ilaha IllAllah
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-Nyd-
Starter. Female Joined: 05 March 2015 Status: Offline Points: 4 |
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That is not so much the question. I want to understand what really is in Islam of what he says and what isn't. Or what information I can pass on to him to be a better Muslim. If I don't see willingness for change, I will move on. But his claims still puzzle me :) |
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semar
Senior Member Male Islam Joined: 11 March 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1830 |
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Salaam/Peace, In Islam, the Prophet Muhammad said " The best among you is the one who best to his wife, I am the to my wife".
So from your story he is not the best man for his woman. Definitely it's not a god start for serious relationship. So like Abu Loren said leave him. Edited by semar - 08 March 2015 at 12:30am |
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Salam/Peace,
Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
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Nausheen
Moderator Group Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251 |
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I think person is suffering from some kind of personality disorder - I could be wrong.
But dont try to understand Islam using his behavior as your parameter. |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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