Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
You ask an important question that nearly everyone struggles with. Thank you for asking it.
Before trying to answer it, it is important to understand that feelings of desire, or shahwah, are part of human nature. Having feelings of attraction or lust is not, by itself, a sin. Human beings were created with desires, and Islam does not teach that a person must eliminate desire entirely. Rather, Islam teaches that desire should be disciplined, controlled, and directed toward what is lawful and pleasing to Allah.
The Quran states:
“Beautified for people is the love of desires: women, children, heaped-up treasures of gold and silver...” (Qur’an 3:14)
This verse shows that desire itself is part of the human experience. But what a person is accountable for is how he responds to those desires: whether he follows them into what Allah has forbidden, or struggles to control them for Allah’s sake.
The Prophet (pbuh) also taught that a person is not held accountable for involuntary thoughts or feelings as long as he does not act upon them or deliberately speak of them. He said:
“Allah has forgiven my ummah for what crosses their minds, so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
So a person should not despair merely because he experiences temptation. The struggle against temptation can itself become a form of worship when a person restrains himself out of fear of Allah and hope for His reward.
One of the first practical steps is lowering the gaze. The Qur’an gives this instruction directly to both believing men and believing women. The Quran says:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them.” (Qur’an 24:30)
And immediately after that:
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts.” (Qur’an 24:31)
Lowering the gaze is not only a physical action; it is a spiritual discipline. It means not feeding the desire, not staring, not returning again and again to what excites the self, and not allowing the imagination to dwell on what is unlawful. The Prophet pbuh is reported to have said to Ali ibn Abi Talib:
“O ʿAlī, do not follow one glance with another, for you may be allowed the first, but not the second.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
This is a very practical teaching. A person may see something unintentionally, but he should not intentionally return his gaze or continue looking. The first accidental glance is different from the deliberate second glance.
In order for this practice to be helpful, a person must be honest with himself about what makes him vulnerable. He should ask: Is it certain media? Is it social media? Is it being alone with a phone late at night? Is it particular conversations, images, websites, shows, or relationships? Once those triggers are identified, he should take practical steps to reduce or avoid them. Allah SWT says:
“Do not even approach zina. Indeed, it is an outrage and an evil path.” (Qur’an 17:32)
The wording is important. Allah SWT does not only say, “Do not commit zina.” He says, “Do not approach zina.” This means that a believer should avoid the pathways that lead toward sin: private conversations that become flirtatious, images that awaken desire, unnecessary seclusion, pornography, and any situation that weakens self-control.
Another important protection is marriage, for those who are able. The Prophet pbuh said:
“O young men, whoever among you is able to marry, let him marry, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. Whoever is not able, then he should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
This hadith gives two major remedies. The first is marriage for the one who is able, because Islam does not condemn desire but directs it toward a lawful and dignified path. The second is fasting for the one who is not able to marry, because fasting weakens the impulsive power of the lower self and strengthens taqwa.
A person should also keep himself busy with what is beneficial. Idleness often gives desires more space to grow. Exercise, good company, work, study, reading, service to others, and increased worship can help redirect a person’s energy. Free time, when it is not filled with good, can easily become filled with temptation. For that reason, a person should build a life that leaves less room for secret sins and more room for worship, responsibility, and healthy activity.
Good company is also essential. A person who is surrounded by people who normalize lust, pornography, flirting, or casual sin will find it harder to control himself. The Quran says:
“O you who believe, fear Allah and be with the truthful.” (Qur’an 9:119)
And the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look carefully at whom he takes as a close friend.” (Sunan Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi)
A person should also make sincere duʿa to Allah, because the heart is in Allah’s control. No one can purify himself without Allah’s help. Allah says:
“If not for Allah’s favor upon you and His mercy, none of you would ever be purified. But Allah purifies whom He wills.” (Qur’an 24:21)
Among the beautiful supplications of the Prophet pbuh was:
“O Allah, I ask You for guidance, taqwā, chastity, and self-sufficiency.” (Sahih Muslim)
So the believer should ask Allah repeatedly for chastity, purity, and strength over the lower self.
At the same time, it is important not to confuse having a temptation with choosing to act upon it. A person may struggle with desires throughout life. That struggle does not mean he is a hypocrite or that Allah has abandoned him. In fact, resisting temptation for Allah’s sake is one of the signs of faith. Allah SWT praises the one who restrains himself from unlawful desire:
“But as for the one who feared standing before his Lord and restrained the soul from desire, then Paradise will be his refuge.” (Qur’an 79:40–41)
This is a powerful promise. The person who struggles against his lower desires is not wasting his effort. Allah SWT sees that struggle, and Allah SWT rewards it.
Finally, if someone does fall into sin, he should not give up or think that repentance is useless. Satan often tries to push a person from sin into despair, but despair is itself another trap. Allah SWT says:
“Say: O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.” (Qur’an 39:53)
The Prophet (pbuh) also said: “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)
Therefore, the path is not to pretend that desire does not exist, nor to surrender to it, nor to despair when one struggles. The path is to lower the gaze, avoid the pathways to sin, keep good company, stay busy with what is beneficial, fast if needed, seek marriage when able, make du'a, and return to Allah SWT whenever one falls short.
A believer should remember that Allah SWT is not unaware of his struggle. Every time he turns away from something impermissible for Allah’s sake, every time he closes a door to temptation, every time he restrains his gaze, and every time he repents after weakness, Allah SWT knows. The struggle itself can become a means of drawing closer to Him.
In peace.