Dear Hadi,
As-Salaam-Alaikum
I have some serious questions about my marriage. I became Muslim years before I met my husband. We got married in his country. We did not sign a Nikah. I did not have a wali and nor did we have any social engagement after we left the court. He gave me 100 JD but we never discussed this being my Mahr. He asked me what I wanted, I told him a Range Rover.
On the marriage document, he put that I was a Christian but I was Muslim before I met him. I was both hurt and confused by this. Before we married, he said he told his family about me and they approved of me. He told me to bring a wedding dress, and we would have a wedding. After I arrived in his country, it turned out his family didn't know about me and were very upset. He owns a home in his country but I have never been to his home even though I have been to his country several times. He is now in my country and doesn't pay any household bills and he refuses to support me. He laughs and says to me the mahr was 100 JD. He buys food for the home, but I pay for the rent and utilities. I am not able to work due to a illness, however he says I should get a job. He is convinced that I have money so I should pay. Also he says that my teenage daughters should get a job and help me if I need help because he won't pay when he is one person compared to me and my three daughters. He doesn't pray and I am concerned that if I continue with him, I will be sinning as well. I have encouraged him to pray, but he doesn't and tries his best to put me out of the state of wudu. I need serious help and have reached out to many masjids without a response. Desperately in need of help.
Dear Reader,
We are truly sorry to hear about the situation you are in. What you describe raises serious concerns both Islamically and practically. You are not overreacting, and you should not dismiss the confusion and pain you are feeling.
A marriage in Islam is meant to provide sakinah (tranquility), protection, honesty, mercy, and mutual responsibility. Instead, you describe secrecy, deception, financial neglect, spiritual disregard, and emotional harm. Those are not small issues.
Several things in your account deserve careful attention:
- You say there was no nikah ceremony, no wali, no witnesses mentioned, and no clear agreement regarding mahr. Depending on the circumstances and the laws of the country in which you were married, there may even be legitimate questions about the Islamic validity of this marriage. This is something you should discuss privately with someone experienced in family law and women’s issues, not simply someone who will pressure you to “be patient.”
- Your husband misrepresented your religion on the marriage documents even though you were already Muslim. He also appears to have lied to you about telling his family. Those are serious breaches of trust.
- Islamically, a husband is financially responsible for his wife’s basic maintenance according to his means. Food alone does not fulfill that responsibility if he is refusing to contribute to rent, utilities, and household security while expecting an ill wife and her teenage daughters to carry the burden. Your daughters are not obligated to financially support him or compensate for his refusal to provide.
- His neglect of prayer is also serious. No human being is perfect, and many Muslims struggle spiritually at times, but openly refusing salah while also undermining your worship and intentionally disturbing your wudu reflects a harmful spiritual environment.
Most importantly, Islam does not require a woman to remain in a situation that is damaging her faith, dignity, emotional wellbeing, or financial stability. Seeking separation is not a sin when a marriage becomes a source of harm. Allah did not create marriage as a prison.
Right now, your priority should be clarity, safety, and support.
Please consider taking these steps:
- Speak confidentially with a family law expert who can help assess the legal status of your marriage.
- Protect your finances and housing stability. If you are paying the rent and utilities, make sure you understand your legal rights in your country.
- Reach out to supportive family members, trusted friends, or a women’s support organization. Isolation often makes situations like this harder to evaluate clearly.
- Reflect honestly on whether this relationship is bringing you closer to Allah or steadily exhausting your faith, health, and peace.
You do not have to decide everything immediately. But you should absolutely explore your options seriously, including the possibility of leaving the marriage if the harm continues and there is no sincere effort toward change.
Allah is Just, and your wellbeing matters too.
May God grant you clarity, protection, dignity, and ease.
In peace.