Dear Hadi,
Asalamalaikum,
I going through a big dilemma in my life right now and I need some guidance.
A young man has proposed marriage to me. But my parents are preventing me from marrying him because they think he has been involved in the occult (black magic), specifically accusing him of putting some sort of spell on my mother. Instead, and because of the society we live in, they are now pressuring me to marry someone they have chosen for me. They even want us to have a “blind wedding” where the guy only gets to meet me after the nikah. I have told my parents I don’t want to do this, and now my mother is upset with me and is not speaking to me.
Kindly please help me to understand if I have the right to choose my partner or not.
Dear Reader,
Wa ‘alaikum assalam,
You are facing a deeply emotional and complex situation, and it’s important to approach it with both clarity and compassion—for yourself and for your parents.
From an Islamic perspective, your consent in marriage is not optional—it is essential. The Prophet (pbuh) explicitly forbade forcing women into marriage. In an authentic narration, a woman came to him complaining that her father had married her against her will, and he gave her the choice to continue the marriage or annul it. This establishes a clear principle: a valid marriage in Islam requires the free and willing consent of the woman.
At the same time, Islam places great importance on honoring and respecting one’s parents. However, this does not extend to matters where they overstep the limits set by Allah—such as compelling you into a marriage you do not accept. The balance here is delicate: you are not permitted to obey them in something unjust, but you are still encouraged to maintain kindness, patience, and respectful communication.
Regarding your parents’ concerns about the young man: accusations of involvement in black magic (siḥr) are serious in Islam and should not be taken lightly. At the same time, such claims require clear evidence. Suspicion, fear, or community gossip are not sufficient grounds to make such a grave judgment about someone’s character and faith. If there are genuine concerns, they should be investigated through reliable, knowledgeable, and trustworthy people—such as a qualified imam or community leader—rather than assumed.
As for the proposal your parents are pressuring you to accept, the idea of a “blind wedding” where you are expected to marry someone without even meeting him contradicts the spirit of Islamic guidance. Entering a lifelong commitment without this basic step is not in line with that guidance.
So where does this leave you?
You do have the Islamic right to:
- Decline a marriage you do not want
- Express your preference for someone you believe is suitable
- Be consulted and treated as an active participant in your own marriage
At the same time, it would be wise to:
- Continue speaking to your parents with gentleness, even if they are upset
- Seek mediation from a trusted third party (an imam, scholar, or respected family member)
- Perform salat al-istikharah, sincerely asking Allah to guide you to what is best
If the young man is of sound character and religion, and no credible evidence supports the accusations against him, then your parents’ refusal may be based more on fear than fact. In such cases, many scholars state that a guardian (wali) should not unreasonably block a suitable match.
This is not an easy path, but remember: Islam does not ask you to sacrifice your dignity, your consent, or your future in marriage. Nor does it ask you to abandon respect for your parents. The goal is to uphold both truth and compassion as best as you can.
May Allah grant you clarity, ease your heart, and guide you to what is best.
In peace.