Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your question and for sharing your feelings so honestly about the struggle you’re facing. As we said in a previous column, hijab is one of those issues that people feel very strongly about. For your consideration, we will make a few separate but related points.
1. The thing most people focus on is whether the hijab is mandatory. We will state at the outset that the four traditional schools of Islamic thought all consider hijab to be a required part of a Muslim woman’s obligation to dress modestly. This hinges on the interpretation of the two sets of verses in the Quran which discuss women’s dress: Surat al Noor, 24:30-31, and Surat al-Ahazab 33:58-59. Please refer to our earlier column Struggling with Hijab for the verses and a discussion of their interpretation. This majority view (that the hijab is mandatory) is captured by the eminent scholar Yusuf Al-Qaradawi in his book Fatawa Mu’asira (Contemporary Fatwas), where-in he states that there has been a clear consensus among Muslim scholars on this, both across time and across the different schools of thought.
With the strong feelings of the majority duly noted, we also note that there is a minority view that the hijab is not mandatory, but rather the stress is on modesty, which is a dynamic concept based on the current social circumstances. This view is well-captured by the scholar Muhammad Asad in his commentary on these verses (fully cited in our earlier column linked above). In his commentary on the verses of surat al-Noor (which talk about the khimar, or head-cover), he says in part:
“Although the traditional exponents of Islamic Law have for centuries been inclined to restrict the definition of “what may [decently] be apparent” to a woman’s face, hands and feet – and sometimes even less than that – we may safely assume that the meaning of illa ma zahara minha (“what may [decently] be apparent”) is much wider, and that the deliberate vagueness of this phrase is meant to allow for all the time-bound changes that are necessary for man’s moral and social growth…. Hence, the injunction to cover the bosom by means of a khimar (a term so familiar to the contemporaries of the Prophet) does not necessarily relate to the use of a khimar as such but is, rather, meant to make it clear that a woman’s chest is not included in the concept of ‘what may decently be apparent’ of her body and should not, therefore, be displayed.”
As we said above, discussions about the hijab usually get very heated, and bogged down in the first point. We, however, believe that the focus of your question, and our answer, should be a bit different. Setting aside the issue of whether the hijab is mandated for Muslim women in the general sense, there would still be other issue to consider, that we will now tackle as our focus:
2. You have not mentioned your circumstances, such as where you live. Do you live in a place where wearing the hijab makes you stand out, drawing unwanted attention or possibly hostility? In that case, we abstract from the fatwa of Professor Abou El Fadl, an eminent modern scholar (On Hijab - Updated) where-in he says:
“In my view, it is an error for a Muslim woman to continue wearing the headscarf, or the hijab if doing so brings such a person undue attention, or puts her at risk of harm of any sort, or even stands as an obstacle to her ability to testify on behalf of God and to educate non-Muslims as to the truth of the Islamic message.”
We recommend reading this long and thoughtful article in full.
3. Once again, setting aside the issue of whether the hijab is mandatory, the choice to wear it must be yours, and it should not be forced upon you. As stated in surat al-Baqaraa "There is no compulsion in religion" (Quran 2:256). Therefore, whether you wear the hijab or not should ultimately be your decision. Of course, we must respect our parents and try to honor their wishes, but ultimately, as an adult, you need to make your choices about your faith practice. One of the interesting stories Professor Abou El Fadl relates in his book The Search for Beauty in Islam is about a mother who insisted that her daughter take off her hijab and go out for a walk around the neighborhood. However, this was not a stance taken to liberate the daughter, but was, paradoxically, a way for the mother to show her control, and that if she could control her daughter here, she also had the right to decide for her whom she will marry.
He discussed the attitude of some parents, saying:
“Some parents seem to think that their children are not a trustbut an extension of themselves without an identity or a dignity separate from the parents’ own…But if the home environment denies sons and daughters the the power to set their own boundaries and assert their own identities, according to their own understanding of the Divine Will, nothing remains of dignity. If parents do not affirm their children’s rights to be liberated by the search for the Divine Will, then these children will learn to succumb to human whim – whether their own whim or the whim of others.”
4. Our advice to you is to now decide what you want to do, but to first decide on what basis you want to decide what to do. As we said above, the question people ask is “Do I have to wear the hijab?” We suggest to you a different question, “Should I wear the hijab?” You may decide, for example, that you believe that in general it is mandatory, but in your current circumstances, you should not wear it (such as for the reasons noted in point #2 above). Conversely, you may decide that you do not believe it is mandatory, but that you should wear it. Do not take as a given that if it is not mandatory that you will not wear it, even if you don’t like it. We do many things that are not mandatory, and which may not be easy, because we should, like praying sunna or tahajjud prayers, fasting extra days, etc.
So, how to do all that? Talk to some trusted friends of yours who do wear hijab, and ask them their reasons for doing so, and see if those reasons move you or convince you, or if they do not.
One story that stands out in our minds (told to us by a young lady) is of an old Muslim man who, in the tense times after the tragedy of 9/11, saw a group of young Muslim women wearing their hijabs in a shopping mall in the United States. He walked shyly up to them with tears in his eyes, saying “Asalamu alaikum. I do not mean to intrude or to be inappropriate. I just wanted to say thank you. You honor us by wearing your hijab.”
If you find in the hijab, after talking to those who wear it, a sense of identity or honor, that may convince you to wear it regardless of the issue of mandates.
Either way, the decision should be yours, and we think that Professor Abou El Fadl said it best: it should be a considered decision, not one based on whims, either of your parents, or of yourself.
God bless you in your inquiry.
In peace.