Dear Hadi

Dear Hadi,

As-salāmu ʿalaykum, I hope you are well. I’m reaching out to ask for some guidance regarding a relationship. I am a muslim (female 22), and have been getting to know a man (25) who has plans to convert to islam. we have known each other for almost two years now and have intentions of marrying soon. my father has begun speaking to us both about it. he comes from a very american family in the US, not very religious in background. Again he is wishing to convert inshallah. Him and i were speaking about potential plans for our wedding and i began explaining the nikkah and ceremony to him. He wants to incorporate some western traditions such as walking down an aisle and saying “i do” and reading vows etc. My question is, if we do the nikkah first and get islamically married, could we have a traditional ceremony and be married by the state? And are vows and “i dos” permissible? I am the first one in all of my family to want to marry someone from a completely different background so i don’t have much guidance from anyone else. I want to be able to incorporate some of his wishes while also keeping it islamically righteous. JazākAllāhu khayran for your time and guidance

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your question. So long as the Islamic marriage requirements are included (either in a separate nikkah ceremony or as part of one larger ceremony), we don’t see any problem with your fiancé’s desire to incorporate some Western traditions. We have seen this done in different ways – for example, a nikkah ceremony that includes the Islamic requirements could be done separately, followed by a more traditional Western ceremony and reception either the same day or on a different day.

Just to confirm, in Islam, most scholars believe that for a marriage to be valid, there should be witnesses, an agreed-upon mahr (dowry), and consent from the bride-to-be’s wali (guardian).

To address your questions about being married by the state - we definitely encourage all those getting married in Western countries to ensure that a marriage legally recognized by the state is done; i.e. not just an Islamic nikkah. This is primarily for the protection of the bride-to-be. As a matter of fact, to the best of our knowledge, reputable Islamic Centers and organizations require a legal (secular) marriage license before performing an Islamic ceremony for just this reason. For example, on the ISNA Canada website under requirements for marriage, you find: “Please be sure to acquire the Marriage License from the city hall of the municipality you reside in. You will also receive a Marriage Certificate.”

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The organization Muslim Wedding Service likewise states: “If you would like Muslim Wedding Service to perform your nikah, we do require couples obtain a marriage license before or at the time of their nikah. This serves to ensure that your marriage is not only Islamically valid but also legal in the eyes of the law.”

Just to summarize, so long as the requirements for an Islamic marriage are included, we do not believe there is any problem, and God knows best, to also have a Western style wedding/reception or including certain Western traditions like walking down the aisle, exchanging vows etc… And we strongly encourage you to complete and obtain a legal/secular marriage license for the place in which you live.

In peace.

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