Are sex toys ok?

Dear Hadi,

Dear Reader,

Thank you very much for your question.  We know that asking such intimate questions is difficult, but this is exactly why we created the Dear Hadi site and made it totally anonymous, so that brave people like you could feel comfortable asking about topics that they would not broach personally.  So, once again, thank you for setting the example.

Now, onto your question, with our usual caveat that we do not give fatwas, but try our best to offer thoughtful (we hope) opinions to help you make decisions.

With that in mind, we would give you an unreserved “yes,” that sex toys between married couples are definitely allowed, and if they mutually enhance your sexual pleasure, can be seen as a fully positive thing. 

We base our opinion on two things:

1.  As we have stated in earlier columns (from which we will quote directly), our approach to questions of halal and haram is guided by the general principle of Islamic jurisprudence that the basic nature of things is that they are halal (allowed) unless explicitly prohibited. We noted that this general principle was nicely summarized by Islamic scholar Yusuf Al-Qaradawi at the beginning of his book Al Halal wal Haram fil Islam (The Lawful and Prohibited in Islam). His first chapter heading is titled: “The Basic Asl’ (Principle) Refers to the Permissibility of Things.”  In that chapter, he states: The first asl, or principle, established by Islam is that the things which Allah (SWT) has created and the benefits derived from them are essentially for man’s use, and hence are permissible. Nothing is haram except what is prohibited by a sound and explicit nas (either a verse of the Quran or a clear, authentic and explicit sunnah) from the Law-Giver. If the nas is not sound, as for example in the case of a weak hadith, or if it is not explicit in stating the prohibition, the original principle of permissibility applies.”

The only explicit prohibition we have received regarding sex between a husband and wife is the prohibition of anal sex from Prophetic hadith.

2.  That being said, the guidance of the Quran, the sunna and scholarly opinion makes it clear that within the confines of marriage, there is broad sexual license, and that intimacy and pleasure in the sexual relationship is a positive thing which should be nurtured and encouraged.

Thus, the Quran in Surat Al-Baqarah (verse 223), states:

“Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe.”

This verse was revealed in Medina, addressing questions from Muslim men about permissible forms of marital intimacy. Various scholars have explained that this verse refers to freedom of manner and position in intimacy.  The modern scholar Sayyid Qutb writes that this verse liberates intimacy from guilt and superstition (as existed in some earlier cultures), while still grounding it in consciousness of God. The modern scholar Abul A’la Maududi adds that this verse corrected misconceptions among early Muslims who adopted restrictive or imitative practices from other communities. Islam, Maududi says, neither shames nor idolizes sexuality. The modern scholar Yusuf al-Qaradawi explains that the verse permits a variety of sexual approaches that mutually satisfy both partners, emphasizing that Islam celebrates sexual pleasure within marriage as a blessing — not a taboo.

While not dealing directly with your question about vibrators and other sex toys, the above makes it clear that sexual pleasure between husband and wife, as long as it is consensual, is a positive thing that should be cultivated, and is considered one of God’s blessings.

This is made quite clear by the hadith of the Prophet (pbuh), “In the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” The followers asked, “O Messenger of Allah, is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his desire?”  He said, “Do you not see that if he were to satisfy it unlawfully, he would bear sin? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he will have a reward.” (Sahih Muslim).

This hadith complements the ethical tone of Qur’an 2:223, showing that marital intimacy is not only lawful but spiritually meritorious and that even physical acts, when moral and mutual, are rewarded by God.

With that preface, let us try to address your question more directly.  Across all four Sunni schools, three guiding rules apply to any sexual practice between spouses:

1. Permissibility is the default (al-aṣl fī al-ashyā’ al-ibāḥah) in private marital acts — unless there is a clear prohibition from Qur’an or Sunnah.

2.  Prohibitions apply where there is physical harm, anal intercourse, or involvement of third parties.

3.  Mutual consent is a must: both partners must agree and be comfortable. Coercion invalidates permissibility.

So how would these guiding rules apply specifically to your question?

While some of the more conservative Muslim websites and fatwas state that sex toys are not permissible, there are a good number who feel that they are, with certain conditions.  For example, Darul Ifta Birmingham states:

“From the various forms of pleasing one another, the usage of sex toys, such as vibrators, dildos, lubricants, etc. has become (or is becoming) a common phenomenon. Islamically, there is nothing wrong with using such toys provided the following conditions are met:

1) The toy must not be harmful in any way to the spouses, for inflicting harm upon yourself is unlawful,

2) The toy must not have an animate figure to it,

3) It should not be inserted into the inner-private part of the women; rather only such toys should be used that stimulate the outer private parts, such as the clitoris.”

Similarly, Darul Ifta Chicago states:

“Adult toys, including vibrators, are permissible to use subject to the following conditions:

The toy should not be used to cause harm;

The toy should not be in the form of an animate figure; and

The toy must be used by one's spouse, not themselves.”

We agree with the opinions that allow the use of vibrators and other sex toys.  More specifically, we have no problem at all with vibrators being used either internally or externally so long as this is done by mutual desire, since there is no explicit prohibition.  However, we also agree with the expressed by various scholars that these toys should enhance sex and not become the dominant sexual practice.

While we are here, let us touch on some related topics that other readers might wonder about.

For example, some couples are excited by watching themselves have sex in front of a mirror.  This is generally considered permissible, as it falls under the scope of permissibility of seeing your spouse naked.

Another topic of interest is erotic speech, or “talking dirty,” between a husband and wife, to make sex more exciting.  A broad range of both classical and modern juristic opinions find this permissible, so long as it remains private, viewing affectionate and stimulating speech within marital intimacy as part of muqaddimāt al-jimāʿ (the preludes to intercourse).

Hopefully, these thoughts will allow you and your husband to have another discussion on this topic, and make you both comfortable that Islam provides broad leeway in marital intimacy, viewing sexual pleasure between husband and wife as a blessing to be enjoyed.

In peace.