Dear Hadi,
May ALLAH S.W.T bless you and have mercy upon you.
I want information regarding etiquette for interacting with my stepmom. My mother died when I was 15 and my father has since married another woman. I am now 23, so as a young person, I would like to maintain proper hudud in Islam. I hope you understand.
Dear Reader,
Thanks very much for your question. Firstly, we applaud you for wanting to observe appropriate Islamic limits in your relationship with the opposite gender. Not many young adults your age are as keen on doing so, and you should be commended for that.
In answer to your question, our understanding is that, in Islam, you would be considered a “mahram” for your stepmother. All four major Sunni schools of thought agree with this, as does Shi’i jurisprudence. This is based on verse 22 of Sura An-Nisa: “And do not marry those (women) whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. Indeed, it was an immorality and hateful (to Allah) and was an evil way.”
This prohibition establishes a permanent mahram relationship between a man and his stepmother (i.e., his father’s wife), even if his father later divorces her or she becomes widowed.
For those readers who may not be familiar with the term “mahram,” this means a person with whom marriage would be permanently forbidden e.g. aunt and nephew; uncle and niece; brother and sister; stepson and stepmother. In a “mahram” relationship, the man and woman can more freely interact, but of course, in a way that remains Islamically appropriate. So, in your situation, there should be no qualms for example regarding khulwa (being in seclusion with someone of the opposite sex who is not a mahram). You and your stepmother could be in your parents’ home without your father or others present, just as you could be with your sister. Another example would involve hijab - if your stepmother wears hijab, she could comfortably remove it in your presence if she wants.
The Quran’s wisdom in making the stepson or stepfather a mahram is clear. It defines permissible social boundaries while realistically providing for easier interaction in a changing family landscape.
In peace.