Dear Hadi,
Assalamu 'alaikum,
I am research scholar doing my PhD in History. There is a girl in my department whom I like and want to marry. She is also doing her PhD in the same subject and we both are under the same supervisor. She is a very nice girl and a Sayyida by lineage. I have conveyed to her my feelings and have talked to my guardians regarding this. She has also conveyed the same with her mother. The girl also likes me and wants to marry me alhamdulillah.
I want to proceed in this issue in a halal way and am constantly seeking the help of Allah in this matter. However, the problem is whenever I try to make dua for our marriage (Normal Du'a or Dua of Istikharah), my madhi gets released and it affects my purity. I feel very frustrated after this. I don't know why is this happening. Is this a sign from Allah or is it normal?
Please guide.
Dear Reader,
Our dear young brother, we thank you for your question. We sincerely appreciate your piety and care for your faith. Normally, we try to tackle all angles of a question and present various views and alternatives.
In this case, however, we would like to offer you, in the most respectful and loving way, a gentle criticism: you are making Islam way too hard for yourself, for your future spouse, and possibly for others with whom you have shared this dilemma.
Let us remember, first and foremost, that the religion is intended to be one of ease. That is why the Quran says: “God wants for you ease not difficulty,” (Quran 2:185) and “He has chosen you and has not placed upon you in the religion any difficulty,” (Quran 22:78).
We understand your issue, that whenever you begin to think about the woman you love and want to marry, even when intending to pray about the issue, you become so excited that your male secretions begin to flow and that it invalidates your ritual purity and that you cannot complete your salat al-istikhara (the Prayer of Seeking Counsel). Regarding this, let us make the following points:
- There is no obligation, including for tahara (ritual purity), beyond a person’s capacity. As the last verse from Surat al-Baqara states, “God does not impose an obligation on a person beyond his limits.” Therefore, for example, men who have a prostate issue and are constantly dribbling urine can do their wudu at the beginning of prayer and complete their prayer with that wudu, since the urine dribbling is beyond their capacity. You can consider yourself in the same category, and so do your ghusl or wudu and then complete your prayers as is, even if your secretions are flowing, since you have no capacity to do otherwise.
- We said that there is no obligation beyond capacity, and now we would like to point out that salat al-istikhara is, in and of itself, not an obligation in this situation or in any other. It is a sunna that you can avail yourself of or not. Therefore, there is no dilemma here. If you do not want to pray as we suggested in point 1 above, then simply do not do salat al-istihara.
- With all of our reverence for the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh), and for all the types of prayers we have been taught, be they obligatory or supererogatory prayers, we respectfully point out to you (and God knows best) that this is not a situation that needs salat al-istikhara to begin with. Salat al-istikhara is meant to be for a situation where you simply are unable to choose between two alternatives, and you ask God to help make the decision for you. This is not your situation. The Prophet (pbuh) advised early marriage. You know a woman that you want to marry, and she wants to marry you. When you think of marrying her, even in prayer, you are so excited that your secretions begin to flow. Therefore, there is no dilemma here.
- We are not saying that you do not need to pray to Allah SWT to guide your footsteps and bless your intentions. Of course, you should do that. However, this can be in the form of du’a. As you know, a man or a woman, not in a state of ritual purity, can make all of the du’a they want and can recite the Quran that they have memorized. So even with the situation you describe, you are fully capable of making du’a to Allah SWT that this is your intention (to marry this woman), and that if there is good in it for you, to bring it to fruition and to bless it, and if there is not good in it for you, to keep you away from it.
That is what we meant when we said we believe you are making things too hard on yourself and potentially on others. We understand that it is from an excess of piety and caution, but the Prophet (pbuh) has warned us not do this in his hadith when he said “O people, beware of exaggeration in religion, for those who came before you were ruined by exaggeration in religion.” (sunan ibn Majah).
Proceed with your intentions to marry your beloved, with full trust in God’s mercy and full hope in His blessings insha’Allah, and we wish you all the best.
In peace.