Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
As we’ve noted in a previous column, the general rule (Sura Baqara 2:221) is that neither Muslim men nor Muslim women are allowed to marry “mushriks” (those who associate partners with God).
However, in Sura Al-Maeda (5:5), Muslim men are given a specific allowance to marry women of the Book (ahl al-kitab).
If the woman you want to marry is not among the People of the Book i.e. neither Jewish nor Christian, then Islamic jurisprudence would dictate that you cannot marry her.
If she is among the People of the Book, then the allowance provided in Sura Al-Maeda may apply to you. That being said, we strongly encourage you to not pursue this relationship but instead set your mind to marrying someone who is a practicing Muslimah.
If you are living in the West, we would like to point out something for your consideration that we raised in a previous column, and that we are quoting below:
We believe there is a severe marriage crisis for Muslim women in the U.S. This situation is often not discussed out of shyness or embarrassment, and so it has become a silent epidemic.
Because a sizeable minority of Muslim men (by some estimates, 10-20%, and in our experience, we believe the numbers are higher than that) exercise their allowance to marry non-Muslim women, there are not enough Muslim men to marry the available population of eligible Muslim women.
When this happens, it seems that very few people are willing to point out that many classical jurists have clearly stipulated that Muslim men living in non-Muslim societies should not marry non-Muslim women. They have classified this as “makruh” (“strongly disfavored”).
In fact, some classical and some modern jurists have even said that such marriages between Muslim men and non-Muslim women should be considered prohibited both because they leave Muslim women without a sufficient pool of eligible Muslim husbands, and because a Muslim man married to a non-Muslim woman in a non-Muslim society would have a hard time raising Muslim children. This is bolstered by data which show that children of interfaith couples are more than twice as likely to adopt the faith of their mother as the faith of their father.
Unfortunately, in our opinion and our experience with the American Muslim community, neither the parents of the young Muslim men who marry outside the faith nor the Islamic societies and imams who officiate these unions are taking a strong enough position against these marriages.
Hence the Muslim marriage crisis that we have today. We believe a concerted effort needs to be made to stem the tide of Muslim men marrying non-Muslim women. Specifically, Muslim parents need to raise their Muslim sons with an understanding that they are part of a larger community, and have responsibilities toward that community – i.e., being part of the solution and not part of the problem of the marriage crisis.
So, while Islam may give you an allowance to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, we believe, for the reasons noted above, that you should instead determine to marry a Muslim woman.
One of the most beautiful and powerful statements in this regard has been made by Khaled Abu El-Fadl, a highly respected modern scholar and professor of Islamic law, and we will end our advice with a quote from him strongly advising against marrying a non-Muslim:
“This is based on a sociological reality that children who grow up with parents not sharing the same faith grow up in a state of confusion, which they resolve often by being faithless. Or if they have any faith, it tends to simply be agnostic. In my over 30 years in the West, working in case after case, all stories begin with love, dreams, and high hopes. Ten, twenty, thirty years later, from my experience and the experience of so many that I have dealt with, the ending is not happy…
There is a quintessential and fundamental question that every man and woman should ask himself/herself. Personally, I cannot be married to someone with whom I cannot pray, fast, celebrate Eid, and perform all my other religious duties. My faith is of such importance to me that I must be able to share it with my partner. In a marriage, you share your body, money, heart, and perhaps your soul. The question you must ask yourself is: Is religion less important or more important to you than all of these things? To me, Islam and its practices are more basic and fundamental than my money, body, heart, or soul. I cherish it more than these things. If I am married to someone with whom I cannot share what I hold the dearest, I feel that I am cheating them, and that the relationship is superficial and insincere. Add to this the position in which the children will be placed as they try to navigate the issues of truth and lack thereof in our modern world.
The only advice I can give you is to ask yourself what role does your faith play in your life? Will you be happy if you are unable to submit to God with your partner according to the teachings of Islam? And how important is it to you that your children are raised firm in their conviction about prayer, fasting, the shahada, and all the other essentials of the faith? Only you can provide the necessary honesty in responding to these questions.”
In peace.