Essentials of Friendship

A cardinal principle in the equation of human relationships is that all members of every human community should learn ...

• to care deeply...
  • about themselves
  • about others
• to act in ways that are supportive of the vital interests of...
  • ourselves
  • and of others 

Wise ones have said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life, is knowing how to get along with people.

Friendship is Necessary

Human beings are by nature social beings that interact, that are interdependent, and thus, in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives are spent in such social associations, and friendship is indeed an essential component in human relationships.

Friendship is ...

Friendship is a voluntary, reciprocal and interpersonal relationship that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard.

Friends are ....

Friends are people, who seek the company of one another; who like and wish to do well for the other, believing that the other party reciprocates these feelings with good intentions. 

In Islamic literature, the root meaning of the terms used for friend indicate some of the essential qualities necessary for friendship...

• sadeeq (truthfulness/honesty) 
• khaleel (associate/link)
• wali (protector/overseer)
• rafeeq (kind/caring)

Who You Choose as Friends and Why?

When choosing your friends, which qualities are most important ...

• Social status/Popularity
• Income level/Wealth 
• Looks/Appearance 
• Race/Ethnicity 
• Faith and/or Character 
• Political Affiliation 
• Intelligence/Education 
• Interest/Hobbies/Skills 
• Compassion/Care 
• Loyalty/Reliability

Kinds of Friendship: 

1. for pleasure - could be positive or negative
   when pleasure is gone, friendship is gone.
2. for usefulness/utility - could be positive or negative
   when usefulness is over, so is the friendship.
3. Proximity -  could be positive or negative
   when you move, gone is the friendship.
4. Common enemy - precarious
   The enemy of your enemy is your 'friend' until ...?
5. for virtue = friendship of character
   must be positive
6. natural friendships = between father/son, siblings...
   ought to be positive

Choose Friends Wisely

1. Prophet Muhammad advised that ...
   A person is influenced by the lifestyle of friends; So, be cautious whom you befriend. 
   If one is negatively influenced by those we associate with then the consequence could be disastrous. [Qur'an 43:67] Prophet Muhammad said; "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk compared to the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. As for the seller of musk; either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from his perfumes. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows; either your clothes could burn or you will get an offensive smell from the smoke of his fire."
2. Greek philosopher, Aristotle said: "Complete friendship is the friendship of good people similar in virtue; for they wish good in the same way to each other in so far as they are good, and they are good themselves. Such friendship last as long as they are good; and virtue is enduring." 
3. Sayedna 'Ali advised: 
   "Befriend the righteous, flee from the transgressors, avoid the hypocrites and do not associate with deceivers."

A-Z of Friendship

A Friend ...
Accepts you as you are 
Believes in you 
Calls you 
Doesn't give up on you 
Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) 
Forgives your mistakes 
Gives unconditionally 
Helps you 
Invites you 
Just in all matters
Keeps you close at heart 
Loves you for who you are 
Makes a difference in your life 
Never betrays 
0ffers support 
Picks you up 
Quiets your fears 
Raises your spirits 
Says nice things 
Tells the truth 
Understands you 
Values you 
Walks beside you 
Xtra caring to your concerns
Yearns to assist in everything positive
Zaps you back to reality when you lose focus

True Friends

• True friendship is ... based on trust, warranted loyalty, mutual respect and genuine care. "Remember that the best relationship is one in which your care for each other exceeds your need for each other." [Dalai Lama] Remember the response of the sufi sheikh to the man who wanted to marry his daughter and tried to impress him with his knowledge; "I do not care how much you know, I want to know how much you care." 
• A true friend .... warms you with his/her presence, trusts you with his/her secrets, remembers you in his/her prayers, is there before you know it, lends a hand before you ask for it, gives you love when you need it most; doubles your joy and shares your grief. That is why ...
• True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. [author, Amanda Kunkle]
• True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. [cleric and author, Charles Caleb Colton]

Are You a Good Friend?

• "A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be." [Author, Douglas Pagels]
• "The best friend; according to the estimation of Allah, is the one best to his/her friend." [Prophet Muhammad ]