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From time immemorial to the modern world in which we live, it has been widely accepted by a large section of humanity that the home, our sweet home, is regarded as the first school (madrasah al-awwaliyyah). For every individual, the home is a very special place and carries deep sentimental value.
Just as an individual who travels to distant lands for business, in pursuit of knowledge, or even for holidays longs to return to their country, those who are away from their home, even for several hours, yearn to return. Considering the sentimental value our homes hold for us, there is an old saying: the home is the place where the heart belongs.
How many times have we noticed our children, or even ourselves, returning from holidays and eagerly rushing to our rooms or to a special corner of the house, simply to express how much we missed them?
With this understanding of what home means to us, it becomes clear that an ideal home is defined not merely by its structure, but by the emotions and relationships it nurtures. In light of this, allow me to share my humble reflection on what a true home is:
"A home is never just bricks, tiles, or walls. It is shaped by the love, care, and deep sense of belonging shared by the members of a family. It becomes a sanctuary where peace, security, and comfort reside."
Within the home environment, children learn not only through the knowledge imparted by members of the household but also through the mistakes they make in early childhood when they fail to abide by the rules and regulations set by the family. In the process of growing up, they strive, by all possible means, to avoid repeating such mistakes later in life. Traditionally, in many societies, parents serve as their children's first teachers.
Whatever children learn during their tender years becomes deeply ingrained in their psyche. Regarding children as an amanah entrusted by Allah, Imam al-Ghazali (1058-1111) once remarked that a child is like an uncut gem or diamond in the hands of the parents. Just as a craftsman works to bring out the brilliance of a raw diamond, parents, too, should invest their time in educating and nurturing their children with religious and moral values that will eventually bring out the best in them.
As a result, a well-guided child should be able to demonstrate good behaviour, attitude, and personality. During childhood, a child's mind functions like a sponge, absorbing everything that is taught and experienced. Psychologists believe that what is learned during childhood has a profound impact on a person's adulthood. Lessons learned early in life are difficult to erase or forget and often accompany the individual throughout their entire life.
In all possible ways, the father may serve as a role model to a child in areas such as discipline, time management, goal-setting, and assertiveness. In a complementary manner, the mother may symbolize love, passion, compassion, patience, perseverance, and persistence for her children. Under normal circumstances, by inheriting the good qualities of both parents, children experience healthy development in body, mind, and spirit.
Conversely, when a divorce or a death occurs, the ideal development of a child can be hindered. Separation affects not only the parents who choose to end their marriage, but also their children. In many cases, children of divorced couples experience emotional and psychological distress. If they are unable to manage their emotions or cope with the situation, they may encounter difficulties that could affect their academic performance and overall well-being.
It is common for such children to struggle with low self-confidence, lack of motivation, and limited social interaction. In more serious situations, some may even become involved in deviant behaviours or develop unhealthy habits. In many instances, a household managed by a single parent is bound to face many challenges.
In the case of a single mother, she normally finds it difficult to discipline her kids, especially boys. The absence of a father figure may cause a boy to think that he is the man of the house. With such a belief, he might not want to listen to what his mother communicates to him.
In contrast, a single father is also bound to face problems of his own. The absence of a mother figure in the house makes life difficult for a father who is trying to cope with his responsibilities, putting food on the table, schooling his kids, doing household chores, and looking into matters related to their moral and spiritual development. Handling toddlers without the help of a wife can be extremely challenging.
Too often, we hear that households with a missing father or mother figure are full of tension and chaos. As a result of such situations, the whole family may suffer from various mental health issues.
At the initial stage of a crisis, both spouses can engage in a heart-to-heart conversation or seek guidance from a counsellor or therapist. For those who have lost a spouse due to death, a second marriage can be an option, or they can seek advice and assistance from siblings, relatives, and friends in tackling all household challenges. Languishing without seeking help is never a good approach.
The views expressed herein are those of Dr. Mohd Abbas Abdul Razak of the Department of Fundamental and Interdisciplinary Studies, AHAS KIRKHS, IIUM, and do not necessarily reflect the views of IslamiCity.
Parents and Their Children
