I Keep Falling Into the Same Sin - Does Allah Still Want Me? - Light Upon Light by IslamiCity - Episode 30

Many of us have experienced it - that heavy, sinking feeling when we stumble into the same sin, again and again. We repent sincerely, we promise ourselves we will never repeat it, yet somehow, the cycle continues. With each relapse comes shame, guilt, and self-doubt: "Maybe Allah is tired of me. Maybe He doesn't want me anymore."

These feelings are natural, but they are also misleading. Islam teaches us that Allah's mercy is far greater than our failures, and no one is ever beyond His forgiveness - as long as they truly turn back to Him.

Understanding the Cycle of Sin and Repentance

Falling into sin repeatedly does not make you a hypocrite. It makes you human. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

"All the children of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent often." (Tirmidhi)

This statement reminds us that the measure of a believer is not perfection, but persistence in returning to Allah. Falling is part of the journey; what matters is that the heart continues to seek forgiveness.

The Heart's Remorse is a Sign of Life

Guilt and shame are often confused. Guilt says, "I did something wrong," whereas shame says, "I am wrong." Shame can push us to hide from Allah, while guilt can drive us back to Him. Feeling regret after sin is not punishment - it is a divine invitation to reconnect, a signal that your heart is still alive and capable of seeking Him.

Allah says in the Qur'an:

"Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)

Notice the words "O My servants." Even when we falter, we belong to Allah. He is not saying "O sinners" - He is calling us His own, inviting us back to His mercy.

A Powerful Story of Repentance

One of the most profound examples of Allah's mercy comes from a hadith about a man who had committed ninety-nine murders. Seeking forgiveness, he first approached a devout monk, asking whether repentance was possible. The monk, lacking knowledge, said there was no hope. In his despair, the man killed the monk as well, completing one hundred murders.

Despite his grave sins, remorse still stirred in his heart. He then sought a scholar and asked:

"I have killed one hundred people - is there any repentance for me?"

The scholar replied with wisdom and compassion:

"Who can stand between you and the mercy of Allah?"

He advised the man to leave his corrupt town and travel to a place where people sincerely worshipped Allah, dedicating his life to righteousness.

The man set out immediately but died before reaching his destination. Angels of mercy and angels of punishment disputed over his soul. Allah commanded them to measure the distances - between the land of sin and the land of repentance. By divine mercy, the earth shifted, placing him closer to the land of righteousness. Thus, the angels of mercy took his soul.

This story reminds us that no one is beyond Allah's mercy - even the gravest sinner, as long as their heart turns sincerely back to Him.

Practical Steps When You Keep Falling

1. Never Stop Worshiping: Even after a fall, pray, make dhikr, and raise your hands in dua. Your connection to Allah is your lifeline.
2. Replace Sin with Good Deeds: Small acts of charity, reciting Qur'an, or making dhikr can counteract your slip and redirect your heart toward Allah.
3. Identify and Protect Against Triggers: Change environments, habits, or relationships that make falling easier.
4. Trust in Allah's Mercy: Remember the hadith qudsi:

"O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you were to ask forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you."
(Tirmidhi)

Falling repeatedly into sin can feel discouraging, but it is also a reminder that you are alive, conscious, and capable of turning back to Allah. Each sincere return is a step toward mercy, and every tear of repentance is a knock on a door that is always open.

Allah does not love you for your perfection. He loves you for never giving up on Him.

So the next time you stumble, don't despair. Wipe your tears, say Astaghfirullah, and take one small step back toward Him. His mercy is boundless, and He is always waiting.