asalamu aliakum

i would like to hear objective views on the above topic. i know a sister who is married for the second time. she has a seventeen year old son. each time the sister has a fallout withe her hubby, she moves out of the bed, and sleeps on the floor in the other bedroom. and when this happens, her seventeen year old son sleeps with her in the same bed.

her husband is very upset about this. apprarently this is a common practice in this area. in fact some married couples even share a bed with members of their extended familes. they see nothing wrong with this, according to them its an old practice and they are not acting in an unacceptable way

secondly, some single moms, may opt to share a bed with their young children. e.g u have a single mom sharing a bed with her 3 year old son. at what age should this practice stop. when does this behaviour become inappropriate?

then theres the issue of nudity? being a single mother of boys, at times it hard to know when to draw the line. often at night its so hot and u dont wanna wear too many items of clothing. yet at the same time, u dont wanna expose your children (especially males) to your nudity?

is there any ruling on these issues? what is the islamic position here?

Assalamu'Alaikum,

Insha'Allah I think the extended family thing would depend. Are you talking about a young child or sister-in-law etc...If it was a female member like your mother-in-law and you were sharing a bed with females or young children out of necessity if you were travelling or whatever the situation was I think that would be fine.....but the husband and other older male members should have their own seperate area to sleep.

About your own children...when my boys were very small and I was still nursing them I had a little moses basket/bassinet that I kept in the middle of the bed between my husband and myself so if they fell asleep and it was one of the late...late night feedings I'd just put them to sleep in their little bassinet on the bed....also it was large enough so I didnt' worry about the rolling issue during sleep....

I have older boys and when we travel we often end up sharing a large bed...I have no issues with it but I would also not dress in less than pajamas with top and  pant bottoms or house jilbab with full pant bottoms....

I think that if it's a temporary issue due to travels or maybe the child is ill and you want to watch them thru the night it's fine. But once they are weened they should sleep in their own bed or you and your husband need to find another area to have intimate realations to avoid the children from waking and viewing this type of activity. Or if you are living in a one room flat to hang a curtain across part of the room so that the children would not see.

Assalamu'Alaikum,

I forgot but in my last post I used the term "you" meaning in general to all muslimahs...I didn't want you to think I misread your posting as it was relating to your friends situation....Insha'Allah

rookaiya wrote: asalamu aliakum i would like to hear objective views on the above topic. i know a sister who is married for the second time. she has a seventeen year old son. each time the sister has a fallout withe her hubby, she moves out of the bed, and sleeps on the floor in the other bedroom. and when this happens, her seventeen year old son sleeps with her in the same bed. her husband is very upset about this. apprarently this is a common practice in this area. in fact some married couples even share a bed with members of their extended familes. they see nothing wrong with this, according to them its an old practice and they are not acting in an unacceptable way secondly, some single moms, may opt to share a bed with their young children. e.g u have a single mom sharing a bed with her 3 year old son. at what age should this practice stop. when does this behaviour become inappropriate? then theres the issue of nudity? being a single mother of boys, at times it hard to know when to draw the line. often at night its so hot and u dont wanna wear too many items of clothing. yet at the same time, u dont wanna expose your children (especially males) to your nudity? is there any ruling on these issues? what is the islamic position here?

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem

Assalaamualaikum

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: �Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten years old, and separate them in their beds.� Narrated by Ahmad, 6689; Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. 

wassalaam

Assalamualaikum Rookaiya,

Insha allah you are able to see things through. Though there is no problem in sharing a bed with a grown up son, when all other prorprieties are taken care of, but there is always a message of hikmah within all the hadith from our beloved prophet (saw) - in ref, to Amah's post.

If there is no necessity a mother should not share beds with her grown up children. Especially she should regard what is annoying her husband, and try to make efforts to please him.

Neither should a father sleep with his grown-up daughters..

definately hafya i agree. in some households the father helps around with chores and ive come across people who allow the fathers to bath thier daughters. to me this is unaccpetable. i know of a father who used to bath his 4 year old daughter, in an effort to help his wife. but when his mom learnt of this, she put an end to it, cos she felt it was rather inappropriate.

mothers on the other can should and can give their sons a bath. but up till what age? when does it become inappropriate for a mother to bath her son?

Dear Rookaiya,

Kids do not need to be bathed by their mothers after 6 at the most. Rather by this age, they come to love playing in water by themselves.

It is okay for a mom to supervise her sons before this age.

Not sure till what age this will be permissible, but I dont see any necessity after 6 yrs.

i bath my girls on weekends. all week my 9 yr old bathes herself and her six year old sister and 4 year old brother. but on weekend, i make it my duty to bath each of them. i give them a good scrubbing, cos i feel they too young to do a good job at this age.

thats how i grew up. my mom used to give me a bath on weeknds until i reached puberty. even when i was grown , she would still bath me, if i was ill or she felt i needed a good scrubbing to get all the dirt out.