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Long accused of being a cult by its detractors, Microsoft has entered the field of religion. The new religion, called "MS Church," will base its belief systems on what Microsoft calls "commonly held values amongst the existing users of computer software."
"People often say that the individual choice of operating system is really matter of religion," MS Church spokesman J.P. Titheman explained. "We take that argument very seriously at MS Church.
Still, there are multitudes of issues in life that are almost as important as whether you use Windows or a Macintosh.
The spiritual needs of software users, programmers, and corporations are not being serviced by traditional religious sects. Just as Microsoft provides great support for our products, we now provide great support for your soul."
Being a religion, MS Church has some basic tenents for its followers, to help them lead a pious existence. "Life�s Operating System," as they call it, consists of 7 basic principles:
The fruit of the apple is forbidden.
No follower should ever wear a red hat.
Tardiness is a virtue.
Errors are divine.
Never invent something you can acquire.
A true believer need not check his work.
The greatest sin is getting caught.
MS Church expresses a deep belief in the concept of redemption, however their implementation of redemption differs greatly from Western religion.
Followers of MS Church are not required to pray and meditate on their transgressions. Instead, they buy a Sin Seat License.
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