marriage without sex
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Men (Brothers)
Forum Description: Groups : Men (Brothers)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38797
Printed Date: 25 April 2024 at 2:23am
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Topic: marriage without sex
Posted By: hamzakhan79
Subject: marriage without sex
Date Posted: 10 January 2017 at 2:13pm
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We have been married for 10 years, have two children together. Since the birth of my youngest, my wife has lost her sex drive.
I gave her time, spoke to her about my desires and have been patient. She understands that I have needs that need to be fulfilled. And it is not in my nature to force myself upon her. Ours is not yet a hopeless situation, there is always hope for everything. Here's my concern, I recently listened to an Islamic lecture part of it was concerned martial relationship and why it has been ordered for Muslims to be married. So that they can act out their sexual urges with their Halal partners. So given the biology of a woman, menopause or hormonal changes after child-bearing etc., she loses her interest in sex. What is the husband to do? I understand that therapy or medication might be needed. But until that point what is man supposed to do when he has those urges. I understand that at the time of the Prophet pbuh, they had slave girls and the spoils of war which men could use to satisfy their urges. But times have changed, that is not an option. And neither is masturbation. What is a man supposed to do in such a situation? On a side note; would the wife be punished for not letting her husband have intercourse with her? |
Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 January 2017 at 6:57am
| Hamza welcome! Just curious, when was the last time you arranged for childcare in order to take her on an evening or day outing? Have you considered hiring help for her inside your home? Do you help her with chores at home? If she lives away from her family, how often are you arranging for her to visit her parents? If she doesn't work or have personal wealth, are you providing funds for her to purchase new outfits for dressing up at home? Are you making sure you have proper hygiene and grooming, as well as allowing for proper foreplay prior to relations? Does she have interests that aren't being fulfilled because of the children that you can help her realize? Are you taking walks with your wife as a form of exercise and enjoyment? Are eating habits not healthful and balanced? Are there any causes for underlining resentments in this relationship? Perhaps something you have said or didn't say. Are you overly critical, and not sufficiently praising her for all the good qualities she possesses. |
Posted By: hamzakhan79
Date Posted: 11 January 2017 at 8:17am
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Thanks for reading, I realize that the answer to most of your questions is yes but I�ve broken it down anyway.
when was the last time you arranged for childcare in order to take her on an evening or day outing? Last time we visited our home country, we got plenty of chances to leave the kids with grandparents and aunts while we went on date nights. Have you considered hiring help for her inside your home? Living in the States, it�s not cheap to hiring help. Plus, then she wouldn�t have much to do in the free time. Do you help her with chores at home? Yes, I help her whenever I can, doing dishes, cleaning meat etc. If she lives away from her family, how often are you arranging for her to visit her parents? When we used to live in our home country, she would go visit her parents every week. Living abroad, and by the grace of Allah being able to afford it, I arrange for her and the kids to visit our home country almost every year. If she doesn't work or have personal wealth, are you providing funds for her to purchase new outfits for dressing up at home? Yes, she can purchase shoes and outfits whenever she pleases. I also tend to buy her expensive perfumes and outfits as gifts. Are you making sure you have proper hygiene and grooming, as well as allowing for proper foreplay prior to relations? Yes. I am all for foreplay. In fact, I like foreplay better than the actual deed. Does she have interests that aren't being fulfilled because of the children that you can help her realize? Her main interests have become raising the children. Other than that, I always encourage her to bring back the old interests she used to have, art, books etc. Are you taking walks with your wife as a form of exercise and enjoyment? We do go on hikes along with the kids on weekends. During the week it�s not possible. Are eating habits not healthful and balanced? She�s has a very healthy diet. Are there any causes for underlining resentments in this relationship? Not that I am aware of. I try to be very communicative and always inquire if there is anything that is bothering her in our relationship so that we can work together to fix it. Perhaps something you have said or didn't say. Are you overly critical, and not sufficiently praising her for all the good qualities she possesses. She gets conscious of the weight she put on after our youngest was born. I always try to convince her that that�s not really true, that she�s not gotten fat or anything and that I really find her the most attractive woman ever. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 12 January 2017 at 8:56am
| Allah bless you with good for your efforts. Perhaps the issue of weight and postpartum anxiety following delivery of the youngest child has some bearing on this problem. Perhaps you can discuss this with her, and suggest she speak with her doctor. Hang in there and be patient, Insha'Allah a satisfactory resolution may be close. Du'a! |
Posted By: hamzakhan79
Date Posted: 12 January 2017 at 10:55am
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Agreed. And like I mentioned earlier, I just need to be patient.
My main concern/question was that what is the husband to do while going through such a situation until the matter is resolved. Allah has created man this way; and to curb urges, marriage has been made the solution. But what if the marriage is not the solution for some situation. What then? |
Posted By: muni36
Date Posted: 14 November 2017 at 12:46pm
| become a Celibate brother |
Posted By: muni36
Date Posted: 09 December 2017 at 11:48pm
| You sweet brother, your story made me sad, such a nice man you seem, I know how you feel I am a divorced women |
Posted By: Jatinpatel
Date Posted: 13 June 2018 at 7:51pm
| I salute you brother. Even I can't wait such a long time without sex. |
Posted By: LeoCasta
Date Posted: 19 March 2020 at 1:50pm
| I am sorry to read that. You are a very strong and patient man. I can't even imagine what you're feeling. Your sex urge is absolutely normal. Sex is a very important part of any relationship, it simply cannot exist without that. You won't last long without sex. I think that you should try some substances like https://ed-oesterreichische.at/kamagra-kaufen/" rel="nofollow - kamagra kaufen that is going to improve your wife's sexual drive. It looks like the only solution. I hope that it's going to help, friend. Everything is going to be fine, you just have to be patient. |
Posted By: MIAW
Date Posted: 06 April 2020 at 12:39am
Islam, through our prophet Muhammad ﷺ, has answered all questions and issues that we may encounter in our daily lives. We have been given a very good solution for this particular issue: FASTING. Until the issue is resolved, you need to occupy your mind with other (highly rewarding) pleasures, such as getting closer to Allah SWT and striving to please Him. This is illustrated in a hadeeth that was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5066) and Muslim (1400) from Ibn Mas‘ood, who said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), young men who had nothing of wealth. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield (restraint) for him.” https://sunnah.com/bukhari/67" rel="nofollow - https://sunnah.com/bukhari/67 A little whisper: Having said this, you must show patience and keep trying gently... but don't ever be tempted to look at other women and compare them to the mother of your children, no matter how pretty and glamorous they seem to be!... remember: Iblis/Satan will always show you that the 'grass is greener on the other side'. Brother Abuayisha has given some excellent advice above, Jazahullahu Khairan. |
hamzakhan79 wrote:Posted By: Capik27
Date Posted: 29 May 2020 at 8:29am
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Nooo. I don't like to have a wife that doesn't want to ***** me. Actually I prefer more to have relationships with a woman that want me and more of that eats me! I really like it when a woman looks on me with a passion and if I gave her green light, she instantly jumped on me. Actually, I thought that my wife would love me soo much, however, we got divorced and have decided to find a new partner who will love us in a way that we don't know how to do. However, a lil later, my wife gave me a tip about the http://www.babesoflondon.com/" rel="nofollow - Agency of escort babes of London . She said that there are girls that can teach me a lot about sex. All of those ladies are hot, so I think I should try this chance. How do you think guys? |
Posted By: HottieOH2020
Date Posted: 05 October 2020 at 11:22am
| Well I am a guy but I would give you oral all night and I have a young naive that would be so tight you would orgasm all night |
Posted By: Egotus
Date Posted: 29 January 2021 at 3:08am
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I think your problem is a very common one, and most families break down because of it. The reasons why your wife no longer wants you can be many. Maybe from a psychological point of view she has started to feel a repulsion towards your sexual relations or maybe everything is simpler, and she has a lover. You can never be sure of anything. I think you should discuss this issue and solve the problem together. You can enter this site https://breakupangels.com/page/10/" rel="nofollow - https://breakupangels.com/page/10/ , to have some tips about how you could rebuild your relationship with your wife. |