Salaam Alaykum Sister:
I joined this forum because I like you am a revert to islam 6 years last March and I too am faced with the same racism at my masjid. I married my husband 5 years ago, this October and moved into his house and am attending his masjid that he belongs to. I find the sisters there to break off into their own clicks and aren't very friendly. But, it's about bonding with Allah and I don't let that deter me from attending the masjid. I go, say my salat when I'm able and leave.
Occasionally, like this past ramadaan, my husband and I cooked for the masjid for 15 days during ramadaan and the sisters were still stand offish with me. But, again, I'm there to bond with Allah and receive his blessings.
I'm right now faced with a new dilemma in my life. My husband told me he's taking a 2nd wife and I'm so hurt by that. I'm struggling with the decision if I should stay with him or ask for a divorce. My husband is unemployed and has been for 5 of the 6 years of our marriage. My husband has 3 children, but 2 of them lives with us in the house and the older son is married and has moved away on his own.
I'm struggling because my husband isn't supporting me or his kids, I'm the one who works and take care of the bills in the home and he's now staying out all night with the sister. I believe he has already married her because my husband will not stay out like that unless he's married. I've cried until my eyes hurt, and his response to me is he's sorry if I cannot accept what Allah has allowed the man.
I was under the impression that the man must take care of the home and be able to provide all wives in the same condition. He's currently not taking care of me and I'm really confused. I don't want the frowns from Allah and I just don't know what to do. I though the man is allowed to marry under conditions and he couldn't tell me what his reason is for taking a 2nd wife. I believe he just want to satisfy his desire to bed another woman, that's why he married her. I say their married because as I've said before, he's now staying at her house all night and look at me as if I've done something wrong.
I have no muslim sisters I can talk to about this, I have no one to talk to about this but him, I do however, have 4 sister by blood, but they are not muslim and they have no understanding as to what I'm going through. I have been advise by them to leave my husband, but I'm still struggling with that idea as I want to please Allah. However, I'm very unhappy about a lot of things thats going on in my marriage and have turned the other way as a means not to insult my husband or his manhood. I now feel like I don't want to reach out to an Imaam because it's like I'm begging him to be with me. I now feel a certain way about him as he's just changed the dynamics of our relationship. I don't know if I can look at him the same way anymore.
He did tell me that he sought this sister out and talked to her for a few months and now have decided that's he's going to marry her. She's divorced with 3 kids and I feel so betrayed. I have no children of my own as I cannot have kids and the thought of my husband being with another woman and a woman who have kids just hurt me to my core. We promised each other that kids was not a factor because he already have 3 kids and I can be a mother to them as their mother have passed away. Now, he's gone and taken a 2nd wife and one who could give him children. I feel like my husband don't love me anymore, even though he say he does, but his actions say he don't. I just don't know what to do. I'm seeking some sound Islamic advise please, Inshallah!
|