Sisters I need your thoughts about divorce
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30574
Printed Date: 26 April 2024 at 12:13pm
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Topic: Sisters I need your thoughts about divorce
Posted By: Aighar
Subject: Sisters I need your thoughts about divorce
Date Posted: 03 August 2014 at 11:38pm
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Assalamu Alaykum
My husband and I had been through a fight regarding second marriage. I'm very angry and I cannot understand him why he needed to have second marriage. Though it was my fault because his late father chooses someone for him and he cannot turn down his father. I told him if its against your will its okay not to follow your father. He told me that he don't like the girl, out of respect and family honor he will marry the girl. Then, im in my rage mood...I bombarded him with calls I told him you cannot even afford to provide my needs and now you will marry again. I cannot accept this...blah blah then out of my st**idity I told him give me divorce....He said, "Okay if thats what u want I give you divorce" I answered make it three so that I will be valid then he said "DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE".....then the call was cut...In the morning, I called him and he told me you make me divorce you, you forced me but in my heart i didn't mean to say it... Now is that divorce still valid please enlighten me... Shukaran Jazilan |
Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 04 August 2014 at 11:49am
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Wa Alaikum Asalaam
It seems to me that it was said in the heat of the moment when you were both angry. As you are in the UAE you can seek the advise of an Imam. NOTE Men do not generally marry a woman they do not like. I think there's more to this than meets the eye. It seems that you are both not happy in the marriage. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: Aighar
Date Posted: 04 August 2014 at 9:28pm
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Thank you for the reply....
actually here is a "short" background of the divorce thing..hope this will not bore you... My husband and I were married last March 15, 2014, but we live separately since he cannot afford for a new place for us. We both have job but last March he lost his job...i helped him search for another job..he did find a job but quit since he cannot handle the pressure. so he went to his home country and leaving me behind..we have good communication but everything went sour when he told me that he will marry another woman which was arranged by his late father. When he saw the woman, he told me that he don't like her.. I advised him not to look at the appearance but think if this marriage will make him happy in the future. He told his mom that he don't agree with the second marriage but his mom give him options: first, he will not marry the lady and he will not come back to me also. second, he marry the lady and can come to me. He is confused and out of respect of his late father, he agreed the said arranged marriage (but theres no nikka yet since they are planning it on big eid) Then, he tried to convince me... he is very short tempered man..he cannot handle my jealousy,.. i even told him you cannot even afford to provide my needs and then u will face that second marriage... He became angry at me. He told me that slowly slowly he will provide my needs. (Actually they try to settle the distribution of their father's property which is from my point of view a very small amount). He told me his plans that he will come back to me after his marriage and he will bring his second wife maybe after three or four months....the three of us will live in one roof which makes me angry..... Since I am the one who have job..i always call him and our calls will turn into fight and I always tell him that he cannot afford to raise a family with me blah blah until I told him okay providing that you cannot provide my needs i will seek divorce..he said to me he will never ever divorced me...until such time that he was mad he said over the phone, "if thats what you want i give you divorce" he added, "divorce divorce divorce" Im very upset and I call him back he told me that I forced him to divorce me but its not his heart's intention to divorce me. So now, Im upset with the second marriage and with the "divorce"...I love him and I cannot love other man but I cannot live the thought three of us in one room/roof (according to what he can afford)... |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 06 August 2014 at 4:11am
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In Islam a man must seek the permission of ho first wife before marrying another woman. Also he must treat all the wife's equally and must provide for them equally also.
I don't know how he can bring his second wife to live with you when you are not happy about that situation. Surely he must take into account your wishes. In my opinion many men abuse the 4 wife rule and in many cases it is their selfishness that rules the heart rather than good intentions. Allahu Alum! ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: Avandie17
Date Posted: 26 August 2014 at 10:37am
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Salaam Alaykum Abu Loren: I'm in the same situation as sister Aighar. My husband has taken a 2nd wife and is unemployed with 3 kids, 2 of which lives in the home with us. I've been supporting us for 5 years as my husband was a full time student. I didn't mind it so much because I felt like him sacrificing and going to school would benefit us in the long run. Now, he's gone and taken a 2nd wife, one whose divorced with 3 kids living with her mother.
My husband told me he will not divorce me as the divorce is up to the man and he's not doing anything wrong to me. He loves me, that Allah has given the man the power to love multiple women at the same time. I feel betrayed and insulted.
When I try to explain my feelings to him, he just tells me that he can't help the fact that I cannot accept what Allah has allowed the man. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by him.
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Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 27 August 2014 at 5:46am
Wa Alaykum Asalaam, What he is doing is wrong. Islamically it is the responsibility of the man to look after the family. It seems to me that he is taking advantage of the situation where you are the bread winner. Five years is a long time for a man for not to work or provide for his family. The Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said that a instead of begging a man should work even if it is cutting down a tree and selling firewood (paraphrasing). Also it IS allowed for a woman to initiate a divorce. I would advise you to seek advise from an imam. A married woman should NOT suffer in silence. If a man marries more than once then it is also his responsibility to treat the all his wives equally. There are certain rules to be followed in taking a second, third or fourth wife. The least a man should do is consult his first wife. Salaam ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Avandie17 wrote:Posted By: abuali
Date Posted: 27 October 2014 at 12:07am
| No your divorce is not valid because at least 2 witness are also needed and there must be gap of three months and if after three months later he again give you divorce so the divorce is valid otherwise not. Let me share you a video link that clearly said that saying 3 times divorce quickly will not case of divorce until there is period of three months. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1atwx0_zakir-naik-correct-procedure-of-divorce_people - http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1atwx0_zakir-naik-correct-procedure-of-divorce_people |
Posted By: Aighar
Date Posted: 09 November 2014 at 9:03pm
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@abuali
is that what sunnah people are practicing..u know im so confused of hadiths..this "husband" asked me are you following TariqJameel (i thought following Quran is the main thing in Islam) anyway from my point of "view" this husband is not good he always belittle me and he even wondered why he married me in the first place. He dont care how i felt and always hurt me with his words. he dont support me financially because he don't have job and yet he married the second wife out of parent's request... please enlighten me.. |
Posted By: mami
Date Posted: 10 March 2015 at 8:49am
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I hate men who has no control over his life, what a person he wants to be, his lack of knowledge in religion, his uncertainty, his action first and think later attitude, his no sincere of love and care, his selfishness, his brain works according to his own convenience. My advice: it is up to the woman who face what and if she can be happy with him or without him.
I admire a man who do not thinks about himself, but what his wife's needs, and what makes her comfort and happy and respectful, would comeback to him. He acts according to Islamic teaching, of patience and loving, as exampled by the Prophet SAW. He provides, he teach, and not being silly. But my understanding of these, is too late, so i hope other women would marry right and not wrong. |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 10 March 2015 at 10:58pm
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Three divorces ARE valid, given in heat of the moment, or under the effect of intoxication or otherwise.
Allah hates divorce, and it is not a thing to be treated lightly. Maulana Tariq Jameel is invalid. ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: aminahV17
Date Posted: 01 April 2015 at 10:26am
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As Salaam Alaykum: It's with great sadness that I report that my husband and I have not been able to work out our differences on him marrying another woman, therefore, we are parting ways. He told me that he's going to marry her soon and that he is not divorcing me. I'm moving out this Friday at his insistence and I'm just beside myself as I want to do the right thing islamically.
He insists that I move out on April 3, 2015 so he can marry the other woman. I told him I would, but don't be mean to me in the process. We can be civil toward one another through this difficult time. He sends texts to my phone saying he hopes I move out by April 3rd so he can be with his other woman.
I'm hurt, but I don't want who don't want me, furthermore, he still does not take care of me. He now have a part-time job and told me that he's doing what Allah has allowed him to do.
What I want to know is, how long do I have to stay married to him before I ask for a divorce, islamically? Please advise. Salaam Alaykum
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Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 03 April 2015 at 3:25am
Alaykum Asalaam Yes it does look like that your husband doesn't need you anymore as he is blinded by his love/lust for this new woman. In that respect a divorce would be the best course of action. There are strict rules on divorce in Sharia Law, for example there are waiting periods after a divorce and the husband is still expected to provide for his wife until then. I would advise you to seek help from an Imam. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: mami
Date Posted: 06 April 2015 at 10:48am
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assalammualaikum
You have no problem. The guy is a piece of gabbage. Be glad he is OUT of your life. From now on be VERRY HAPPY that you dont live with an I D iot. Celebrate being a true woman with value, class, respect. Dont accept just any man but a man with good character. Please no more whinning. |