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I love him but feeling guilty

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30477
Printed Date: 19 April 2024 at 10:54pm
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Topic: I love him but feeling guilty
Posted By: servantofallah9
Subject: I love him but feeling guilty
Date Posted: 27 July 2014 at 1:19am
Im a 22 year old female In a relationship with a 26 year old man. We have been together for 4 years and out relationship consists of phone calls everyday and we see each other in person every month or 2. I know this is haram. He has asked for my hand in marriage twice but my father refused both times. (For the reason that I am still in university) lately, I have been feeling extremely guilty that I am with him. Im getting very depressed and I think about it so much its driving me crazy. I dont know why after 4 years I feel this way now. Im so confused and I dont know what to do. He is a very religious man but I dont think he will understand if I tell him what I'm feeling. I love him and I can see him as someone I can marry, but I can't live with guilt. I pray to allah every single day to guide me and give me strength but for now, I feel like im in such a mess!


Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 30 July 2014 at 12:37am
Assalamalecum,continue to pray to Allah for guidance because u r the only one to solve this problem with the help of Allah.remember this-if Allah is with u none can overcome u, if Allah forsakes you then there is who can save you, let the believers put the trust In Allah (ch 3 v 160 of Quran).

Posted By: mdaud
Date Posted: 01 August 2014 at 7:30am

Assalamualaikum sister,  I may get deleted for this but if your heart is telling you that this is the man you want to be with you should make your parents understand.  I am guessing you are Southeast Asian (Indian or Pakistani)?  That your parents are from the old country but you have been raised here?  I am an American revert and understand the cultural balance you must be facing but a choice in life is yours to make.  I am guessing he is not muslim, perhaps you are but not really practicing? 

I know that if you don't follow what you feel you will regret it for the rest of your life if you feel that this person is your soulmate.  If he asked you I can tell you as a man that you should make this decision and go with him.  Your parents will have to learn to live with your choice.  They live in America, you are American so live your American culture and live the islamic one.   Somebody gave me advice yesterday as I am facing a divorce from a woman who I love very much but she only married me for citizenship.  When you buy a car you go to a dealership and take a car for a test drive with your eyes open not the other way around.  You and your male friend seem to know what you both want.  The alternative is letting your parents arrange something that isn't going to work for you and living with regret for not making your own choice.  Guilt for feeling that this is haram is not.  Your parents are living in the past and still in their country of birth culturally.  Nowadays divorce is rampant (i know) and one of my Pakistani friends married arranged but it failed so he married a swede and is happily married now.  Me I have yet to find my soulmate.  I think you should go with what you want and your dad needs to understand that it is 2014. 
 
A


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