I am Worried. - this story is Long
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28758
Printed Date: 23 April 2024 at 9:08pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: I am Worried. - this story is Long
Posted By: zMisbahz
Subject: I am Worried. - this story is Long
Date Posted: 30 April 2014 at 9:49am
| Salam |
Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 01 May 2014 at 7:18am
| You sound resentful, however keep in mind that you decided to marry her. Although I think altruism is misplaced when it comes to marriage, i.e., people should have what pleases them, and not marry thinking you're doing the other person a "favor", because regret and resentment often will follow. Many times sexual tension is confused for love and compatibility, thus blinding us from looking carefully at who we are about to make one of the most important decisions of our lives - marriage. Now that you are in this relationship you must be patient and look to her good qualities and downplay, lookover, and forgive matters that do not please you. Keep in mind that she is an individual like you and has her own passions, likes and dislikes in life. Simply because you enjoy reading and sports doesn't mean she will or should. Hang in there and make it work. Women are not a commodity to purchase and later decide I want to return her and get another. Don't be hasty. Many of your complaints will Insha'Allah get better with time and mature communications - don't browbeat or harass her about petty matters. Take it easy on yourself and just enjoy her for the much good she undoubtedly possess. She is now your wife and deserves kindness and patience. |
Posted By: zMisbahz
Date Posted: 01 May 2014 at 7:42am
|
Well said. Thanks for the input, truly appreciate it.
ps: kindly note, I do not force my ideas or ways on her but merely try to encourage her to seek whatever will benefit her & improve her as a person (same thing applies to me). By the way she Loves watching & playing BasketBall. Thanks a lot Abuayisha |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 03 May 2014 at 3:20am
|
Look man I'm gonna give it to you straight either take it or leave it.
When you married her you weren't 100% sure about her, then you thought you would give her a chance. But now that you are married she is a disappoint for you, she is not the ideal wife that you had in your mind (the perfect wife, as it were).
Now ask yourself this question and be serious about it.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who is a disappointment? Or do you want to divorce her and say you were wrong in the first place to marry her?
Divorce is a Mercy from Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala to the believers so that one does not have to suffer in silence.
What's happened has happened. Every body makes mistakes and the important thing is to learn from it and move on.
|
Posted By: zMisbahz
Date Posted: 03 May 2014 at 5:10am
|
Salam,
Abu Loren. I appreciate your honesty & straight forwardness as it's the best policy. There has been a lot going on in my mind & it does take its toll time after time. I see your point and hopefully I will be able to make a clear decision about this situation. Thanks. |
Posted By: abuali
Date Posted: 05 May 2014 at 2:23am
| Indeed divorce is a dislike act in the eye of Allah which mean as much possible we should avoid it. |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 06 May 2014 at 12:09pm
Where does it say that? |
abuali wrote:Posted By: abuali
Date Posted: 07 May 2014 at 10:18pm
In Hadith i found a reference for you. It is reported that the Prophet Muhammad said, �The most hated Halal by Allah is divorce.� for reference http://www.seekingilm.com/archives/311 |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 08 May 2014 at 3:26am
| Total rubbish. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 12 May 2014 at 12:19am
|
Now, a knowledgeable woman will put in her two cents' worth...
First, she lied to you and you decided to make her your wife anyway. That was your mistake. You've got to live with that decision. Second, I think your wife has a psychological problem. First you describe her as being in bed all the time, having no interest in doing things, etc. That is a sign of depression. Next, you describe her as being hyper-sexual, wanting sex all the time and never being satisfied. This is a blatant sign of mania. Your wife probably has bipolar disorder, caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. How do I know? The hyper-sexuality is a dead give-away. And, I would make sure she's not cheating on you while the kids and you are away during the day. With bipolar mania you literally can't control yourself and will make wrong, possibly destructive, decisions and actions. It may be that she already knew she had this disorder before she married you. That may be why she kept so much from you. People with bipolar disorder can feel ashamed they have this problem. Also they may frequently decide they don't need the medicine anymore, so they stop taking it, and the roller coaster either goes way up, or crashes way down. They feel better after taking medicine, so since they are feeling better, they think they no longer need the medicine. They don't realize that they feel better BECAUSE of the medicine. I can't remember exactly where, but there is somewhere in the Quran that states an "afflicted" woman will be freed of her problems when she marries. Perhaps she thought that Allah would cure her once she married. If she's bipolar, that ain't gonna happen. Take her to be evaluated by a good psychiatrist. Once she's on meds it will be better for you and your family. What you must realize, foremost, is that if she does have bipolar disorder, and is in a manic phase, you need to forgive any transgressions because she was literally "out of her mind". On the other hand, when one spouse has bipolar disorder, there is a 90% chance that the marriage will end in divorce (if the woman is bipolar). Most spouses can't deal with the stress and the roller coaster rides that bipolar disorder imposes upon their lives. It takes lots of love, understanding, and strength to stay married when a spouse has this disorder. |
Posted By: zMisbahz
Date Posted: 14 May 2014 at 10:07am
|
wow,
Didn't even know that could be an issue. I will try to research into that aspect itself. However, I would like to state that I do not consider my Marrying her a mistake, yes things may not necessarily be Rosy but neither will I want to be naive and neglect the issue at hand - in a nutshell all am trying to say is, whatever the situation is. It is definitely a Learning Experience. - Thanks |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 14 May 2014 at 5:21pm
|
My marriage was a "mistake"!!
I didn't even know I was married to my husband until 10 months later! It, also, is a very long story. But, to make it short, Allah took control and took me away from an awful man who was a liar and thief, and gave me to my husband, a faithful and wonderful man. We have our cultural and language differences, and some problems, but Allah has made him strong and patient. Allah saved me. Allah Akbar! (Did I spell that right?) |
Posted By: zMisbahz
Date Posted: 17 May 2014 at 11:13am
|
Salam,
Yes, you spelled it right. I can't thank you enough for the insights to your experience. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 1:36am
|