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Pre-Marriage Issue (Zina and a convert)..
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umsami View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 April 2007 at 8:31am
Assalamu Alaikum:

I agree with what the others have written regarding the Sister.  As for Muslims and pre-marital sex... the double standard that has existed since time began still plays on.  Most families will look the other way if their sons are playing around before marriage, but not if their daughters are.  Yet women have physical needs as well.  Many parents make marriage difficult with their requirements regarding the groom, bride, mahr, whatever.  The cost of marriage is prohibitive for some.  Given all that, yes, it seems that premarital sex is on the rise for both sexes.  One also hears about muta or secret marriages happening in Sunni societies as well.

She's brave to tell you... and honest.  It means she trusts you a lot, because if you were to tell anybody what she told you, it could have serious repercussions for her.  Consider that a very good sign.  Both of her honesty and the trust she has for you.

Peace.
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liyala View Drop Down
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Points: 58 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote liyala Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 March 2007 at 3:29pm
Assalaam alaikum AskariMan,
just re-iterating:
  1. you are not married yet so back-out if it bothers you so much
  2. she was in a relationship so she liked him and trusted him - it wasn't nothing - she may have even loved him
  3. trust her - she chose to tell you when she didn't have to - you may or may not have found out after marriage
  4. doesn't make sense - you say you love her but you don't even trust her and the only reason for your distrust is because she voluntarily told you she had been with another man
  5. you are behaving like a spoilt brat - if it bothers you back-out - don't waste her time - how are you any different from that other guy she trusted (and realised too late that she made a mistake)
it is very good that you have refrained in the face of temptation - if you are fair to her, maybe she will love you all the more for it.
liyal.a
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nu001 View Drop Down
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Originally posted by Fallen Fallen wrote:

>>>>My other question is with the western influence:
Is this becoming more common among our young Muslim youth (commit pre-marital sex)? If so I'm interested in knowing the statistics/estimates of it all.<<<<

How is pre-marital sex a western influence? Having sex outside marriage is fairly common in all cultures and religions. I'm sure in Muhammad's time people were having it and after his passing people were continuing to have it. Ahh, it only makes sense that when the scriptures came to those people (Arabs) and if, the scripture mentions a law which the Muslim must abstain from pre-marital sex then I'm sure there was some pre-exisiting phenonmena (pre-marital sex) going on or else why would God make it a rule?

You are right, it was there before Islam came. Islam has guided us to the right path. That was some 1400 years back. Now it has been institutionalized by the west (Live together). Unfortunately now some people are indulging into it because of western influence.

Salam
"Al-Quran-The only Straight path to success. Alhamdulillah"
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mohammad View Drop Down
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Nice piece of advice
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USA-NIQAABI View Drop Down
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Assalamu'Alaikum,

The only advice you should seek out on this type of issue is in the Quran' and Sunnah...and than if you still have questions about this very personal issue it is best to speak with a scholar or Imam at your local masjid or Islamic center....

MasSalaama
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mohammad View Drop Down
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Clear you mind, trust on her honest approach and make own and her life easier and happier.  
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Points: 1334 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote amah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2007 at 4:26am

Assalaamualaikum

AskariMan, if you have any doubts in your mind, please do not marry this woman. you will make your life as well as hers miserable if you have to live like this.

you wrote: I feel that this was kind of cheap that she didn't tell me before marriage.

It would have been "cheap" if she would have told you after marriage. You can still opt out. It will be easier to forget her than to live with suspicion.

Allah knows best.

wassalaam.
Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)
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Points: 3 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AskariMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2007 at 3:56am
Esselamu Alejkum Rookaiya,

I did talk to her about this (many times). She just tells me that it's up to me and she has told me once and doesn't feel like she has to tell me again. I understand it is difficult for her but it is very difficult for me as well. I love her even more for her honesty and this is what is making it even harder for me. I'm trying to just shove my st**id pride aside and accept her for who she is now. I guess I just can't understand the notion of love anymore (it is all mixed up for me)...the only love I understand is towards Allah and my continuing love for her. What I just can't understand is if it is possible to love somebody more after such an ordeal?

Sometimes I feel like I am getting the cold shoulder and I have told her this but then again this is the long distance relationship and I know things are harder than they would be when we are closer together.
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