Surah 4:34

As'salamualaikum,

This is the tafseer of Ibn Kathir AND your doubt is well explained here

Dealing with the Wife's Ill-Conduct

Allah said, ﴿����������� ���������� ������������﴾ (As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct,) meaning, the woman from whom you see ill conduct with her husband, such as when she acts as if she is above her husband, disobeys him, ignores him, dislikes him, and so forth. When these signs appear in a woman, her husband should advise her and remind her of Allah's torment if she disobeys him. Indeed, Allah ordered the wife to obey her husband and prohibited her from disobeying him, because of the enormity of his rights and all that he does for her. The Messenger of Allah said, ����� ������ ������ ������� ���� �������� �������� ���������� ����������� ���� �������� ����������ǡ ���� ������ ������� ��������ǻ (If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband, because of the enormity of his right upon her.)

B.H. wrote: I have a question about Surah 4:34.   What exactly does the Holy Quran say the women are doing wrong and deserve to be possibly beaten for?  Is it arrogance, rebellion, adultery or what?

Hi B.H, that is a valid question. i.e. What would be a valid sharaee excuse (sharaee = islamically legal) for a man to hit his wife? For example, if the wife & husband have a quarrel, (which is the most natural couple thing to do) - can he beat her?

I agree with the interpretations which say that rather than 'allowing' domestic abuse, this ayah is setting ground rules. i.e. what would constitute domestic abuse. It is also providing you alternate solutions to blowing off the lid and going berzerk (i.e. a husband needs to cool down and do the following, steps 1. 2. etc).

The Prophet (s.a.w) also said that a husband cannot hit his wife on the face, cannot leave a mark on her, cannot inflict pain...  The Prophet's idea of 'beating' was with a 'toothstick', called a miswaak in arabic. (Think of a toothbrush). I don't even like using the word 'beat'! That is so unlike Prophet Muhammad, he was of exemplary character. In fact I find it amusing and endearing that the Prophet when angry once said to a member of the household: If I did not fear Allah, I would beat you with this tooth-stick! (toothbrush in the old days).

And 'beating' is a very extreme, last resort kind of a thing when the household is going haywire and really there is no option but to express the gravity of the situation. More in cases like outright unislamic behaviour such as adultery etc.

Many muslims and non-muslims seem to think that this verse sanctions domestic abuse - whereas that is not so. There is another instance from Prophet Muhammad's Sunnah when he heard that a muslim woman was marrying so & so, to which he offered his advise/caution and said, So & so is known to beat his wives.
Another hadith from Prophet Muhammad, he referred to the Muslim husbands and said, would you beat your wives like animals in the day and then sleep with them at night?

I am a Muslim woman, and I can safely vouch that my religion teaches men chivalry, and treats me like a sensitive being that needs to be protected. Alhamdulilah! Whenever I have come across boorish men, they have always been the ones who are culturally raised, and are far from religion. Whenever I have met pious Muslim men, they have always earned my respect because of the way they perceive and treat women. :)