plz suggest me.

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   Anam, my heart truly goes out to for all the troubles you have faced.  I am sorry that things in your married life have not worked out better for you.  I was married once before and had a husband who chose to live away from me after our first year of marriage.  He did not consult me, he just found a job far away from me and told me he was leaving in only two days.  At first we tried visiting each other, but then he started to act like he was too busy and he broke his promise to come back to me.  I waited some time though not as long as you.  After awhile it was only me calling him and I realized that he was content to be married without living near me.  It wasn't an easy decision but I chose to divorce him.  He agreed to it without any hesitation which of course hurt that he didn't even try to talk me out of it.
After the divorce I was glad for what I did.  It was nearly five years later before I found a good muslim man to marry, but now I am happy and I have a chance to have children (inshallah).  I think you have endured much more than I though I did have to financially support my husband at times during our first year of marriage even though he had a good degree from a University and he didn't like me taking the college classes that I did try to take since I didn't have college education before our marriage.
Honestly, I don't think your husband will change.  Not after all this time.  I know divorce is a strong word to even say much less do, but if you ever want to be happy and have children than I believe that is the best route to take.  You are obviously a smart, patient, wonderful woman who deserves a good husband who will help you and provide for you (not the other way around).  Have faith in Allah that he will send the right husband for you at the right time.  
I do have two questions for you. Did your mother ever remove that majic curse and if so have you seen any changes from that in your sisters and brothers?   Also, have you ever thought to do a Istakhara about your divorce and if you did than what was the outcome of that?
Inshallah your future will become brighter.

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Salams_wife Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Status: Offline Points: 296	Post Options Post Reply Quote Salams_wife Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 August 2007 at 2:32pm
	Anam, my heart truly goes out to for all the troubles you have faced. I am sorry that things in your married life have not worked out better for you. I was married once before and had a husband who chose to live away from me after our first year of marriage. He did not consult me, he just found a job far away from me and told me he was leaving in only two days. At first we tried visiting each other, but then he started to act like he was too busy and he broke his promise to come back to me. I waited some time though not as long as you. After awhile it was only me calling him and I realized that he was content to be married without living near me. It wasn't an easy decision but I chose to divorce him. He agreed to it without any hesitation which of course hurt that he didn't even try to talk me out of it. After the divorce I was glad for what I did. It was nearly five years later before I found a good muslim man to marry, but now I am happy and I have a chance to have children (inshallah). I think you have endured much more than I though I did have to financially support my husband at times during our first year of marriage even though he had a good degree from a University and he didn't like me taking the college classes that I did try to take since I didn't have college education before our marriage. Honestly, I don't think your husband will change. Not after all this time. I know divorce is a strong word to even say much less do, but if you ever want to be happy and have children than I believe that is the best route to take. You are obviously a smart, patient, wonderful woman who deserves a good husband who will help you and provide for you (not the other way around). Have faith in Allah that he will send the right husband for you at the right time. I do have two questions for you. Did your mother ever remove that majic curse and if so have you seen any changes from that in your sisters and brothers? Also, have you ever thought to do a Istakhara about your divorce and if you did than what was the outcome of that? Inshallah your future will become brighter.

anam Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 07 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 37	Post Options Post Reply Quote anam Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 August 2007 at 4:38pm
	Thanks for replying.My mother was told by someone that there is magic on her and that is the reason for problems with her children.That man gave her some wazeefa and she did that.I did istakhara before marrying this person which was positive and i married him.Later on everytime i did istakhara it always came in favour of not going to him.I did istakhara twice for divorce and as far as i have understood it was in favour of divorce both times.I have been now so confused due to all istakharas that im never going to do any istakhara again after this. Lastly my husband called a few days ago and as usuall distubed me by telling that i was the one who did not know my responsibilities etc.I dont get it why he thought of calling after not having contact with me for 8 months.He acted as if we still were living normally and there was nothing wrong.He asked me that why i had not contacted his family.I said that when our relationship is finished so i dont understand why i should contact his family.According to him im wrong there and it is duty of a wife to contact husband and his family on regular basis even if husband and his family does not contact her.I said he too had some responsibilities towards me and to this he said that '''you still have the same tone and same attitude.I thought you would have changed when so much has happenend''In short he said nothing which had any relation to our problem.I hope i will be strong enough to apply divorce islamically in next few days. All this situation really tenses me.As different other problems have arisen as well in my own family.Maybe someone has done magic on my family.The situation keeps on getting worse and worse.Does anyone know whom should be contacted in such case.Does anyone know about authentic person?

marchfriday Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 28 August 2007 Location: Pakistan Status: Offline Points: 39	Post Options Post Reply Quote marchfriday Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:18am
	may allah bless you, my prayers are with you

anam Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 07 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 37	Post Options Post Reply Quote anam Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 February 2008 at 3:58pm
	It is me with my strange problem again.In the last one month my husband has contacted me a number of times.First time when he called he asked details about divorce.It was evident from his conversation that he doubts that i would go with divorce after the separation period is over.His thinks that im trying to manipulate him by applying separation and would not apply divorce later on.Then he has said a number of times that he has always contacted but the contact has been less but never totally absent.Though that is not true it has only been me calling him since we have been married.I do still feel sympathy for him as it has gone just the way i had thought it would go.He is still living in hostel alone with minimum pay.Now his calling so often makes me only wonder that is it bc he himself could not earn in the meantime and i earn well that is why he calls.His contact disturbs me very much and i know even if he is sincere this time how do i know he is.Some still say try with him but i dont get it how i can ever trust him,wouldnt he behave exactly the same in future. I myself believe in trusting others and hope always for the best.And this very part of my nature has created alot of problems for me.As i never give up on anyone or anything.I never leave friends either inspite of the fact that i at times know i should leave a friend but then i think that person has something good as well in her and keep the same friends.I never leave a new job nomatter how many problems i have.Same is with all the other things too.How does one know that now one has to give up.Im st**id to this extent that i still start hoping that everything will be ok miraculously.

anam Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 07 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 37	Post Options Post Reply Quote anam Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 June 2008 at 4:37am
	I hope someone would answer me and advise me what to do.Since february to now the contact has increased.Finally my husband has understood that i mean to take a divorce.He called me a number of times and in one of his conversations he said that whatever you are earning is bc of me.Its my money which you are using and what your parents are taking from you as well.As he once saw a site where he advised me to apply.So according to him its his money.I changed my mobile nr.after that.Now he has called my different family members a number of times and said to everyone that he is willing to do whatever i say ,only if i take back divorce.I applied divorce in april 2007 and it is delayed due to the system of the country which i live in.It will be final over now in august.Now i feel like im the villain in this situation.Hope God forgives me.Does anyone have any advice?And am i doing the right thing when i insist on divorce?

Nausheen Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nausheen Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 June 2008 at 8:10am
	Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir Rajeem, Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim, Assalamualaikum Anum, After skimming through some of your comments on this string - here is what I have to say. Men in general are not conversationalists like women. They believe more in action than words. Thus usually when there is a problem between husband and wife, the wife wants to " discuss " things to solve the issues, but he (husband) either does not understand her or just tunes her out. When she realizes she is not being heard, she kind of drifts away, to leave him alone for a while - with much pain and distress welling within her. Then finally she decides to file in the divorce, since she thinks nothing she'd been doing is working. Now, that is an "action". - a divorce is not a discussion to solve problems, its an action to send the message " we have problems between us" I think this is what has happened in your case. When you tried to talk things through, he ignored you, but when you stopped the talking, and actually " did " something, you see him turning around. You have two options. One, you don't give him a second chance and go for the divorce. Two, you list all your problems very precisely and let them known to him - but remember no long winded discussions rather say things in a point wise manner, breifly and specifically. If he understands you, realises that he had been putting undue demands on you, and agrees to withdraw them, you can give him a second chance. I say this very often to women, all marriages have the potential to work, so its worth a try. Another thing is that, although relationships are a two way street, a woman is the key to her relationship. She has within herself the power to make things work in her favor. Just that she needs to give up on few of her thinking and take on few others. One very important of those is to know that men are NOT like women. They think differently, and act differently. Women who dont believe this make the mistake of trying to solve their problems the women's way, and end up giving themselves a lot of distress. Try to understand men, and think their way, if you want them to be a part in solving somthing - this is very important. These are just my comments, and I am no expert in this feild, so please take what is best and forget about other things that may not apply in your case. I pray Allah gives you himmah to come through the difficult times. Ameen.
	<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR]

Nausheen Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nausheen Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 June 2008 at 8:53am
	Assalamualaikum Anum, I just dug a little deeper in your posts, and found that you want someone to help you islamically as well. I personally beleive and have seen several times in my life that no big problem of my life goes away unless I wholeheartedly pray to Allah for it. This means you pray in such a way that you bring to heart a feeling that it is Allah alone who will be able to help you - without His help, nothing will happen, and there is no other soul except Allah who will be able to relieve you from your worries. Since you say you are a religious person, try to strive on tahajjud. Try to offer tahajjud in the last part of the night, ie just before the fajr prayer (ideally this would be the time when one takes suhoor in ramadan). And ask Allah for whatever you want. Also, if you have himmah, and you beleive in wird, reciting "ya hayyu, ya qayyiyumu" 500 times after every fajr salah, with "awwal akhir" darood and then supplicate to Allah - it is a very powerful tool to make problems go away. Recite in your free time, as much as you can :: Rabbana atina milladunka rahma wa hayyilan min amrina rashada (18:10) Talking to an imam was a good idea, am not sure if you did it already. And through Allah comes all success.
	<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR]

anam Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 07 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 37	Post Options Post Reply Quote anam Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 June 2008 at 12:36pm
	Asslam o alaikum, There is no wazeefa i have not done.I have prayed for him more than i have done for myself.Now i only pray everything would be good for both of us in this world and after death and may Allah do what he thinks is right for us himself. Neither does my husband want to have children,nor does he accept that he has any responsibility towards me.He says that it is his right that he should be given dowry.And is not willing to live with me,we have lived 6 months together out of 5 years of our marriage.The only thing he wants is to have a paper marriage and the benefit would be that im earning well.As his only weakness is money.I dont know how much of my posts you have read but i think i have already tried everything there is.At the moment i have depression and no courage to try with him anymore. I have not talked to any imam as in this small muslim community everyone knows everyone and it would be awkward to talk about personal problems to a person who already knows my family from 3 generations.I tried to contact some internet site but never got any answer back. Many say that Allah wanted this divorce to happen and there is nothing you can do to hinder it.I dont get it how can Allah want this to happen.I also did istakhara before marriage ,during marriage for major decisions and for divorce and followed it totally.So maybe this is what Allah wants. Plz read in detail my problem and advise me. allah hafiz.