From �Fifteen Minutes for God� to a Lifet

From �Fifteen Minutes for God� to a Lifetime

In fourth grade, I was 10 years old, we got history class and on certain day the lesson was about the crusaders. �In the Holy Land of Israel the Muslims came to power. Christian pilgrims were threatened and assassinated and something had to be done about this� our teacher told us so after the pope�s call upon them, these crusaders�inspired by a merciless will to convert�left for the Holy Land in order to beat the brains out of those Muslims so to speak �in Nomine Domini� (in the name of God). But those Muslims, what kind of people were they?

As background information the teacher told us that, just like the Christians, Muslims believed in one god that they called Allah and he had revealed himself by the archangel Gabriel to the prophet Mohammed and these Muslims also believed in Jesus but in their eyes that was not the son of God but a very important prophet.

The teacher didn�t tell us more because as an innocent catholic we could have wrong ideas but no matter how short the explanation was, it was long enough to give me a feeling of doubt. Something about the story didn�t make sense because why should armies from Western Europe fight against a religion, that has been revealed by the same angel that brought Mary the message that she�as blessed among women�would become the mother of Jesus? So the way I saw it this angel could not come from a another god than the god from the Christians so what could be wrong with such a religion?

I couldn�t really understand it and I could also live by the fact that by Muslims Jesus was honored as an important prophet because about that�Son of God�story I already had my doubts from day one and remember: I was just ten years old. So already I had my questions but whom could I ask? The parish priest? Don�t make me laugh. So if this teacher wanted to protect my innocent little soul against Islam he could have better skipped this lesson but now the �harm� was already done and years before the first Moroccan and Turkish workers came to Holland, Islam made his entry already; indeed no more than a little sparkle in an innocent heart from a little boy but nevertheless..

In those years it was normal that the church was visited weekly. The services were beautiful and so were the Gregorian (Latin) hymns and everything was a desire for the eye and ear but from 1962 up to 1965 the second Vatican council was held; a meeting of cardinals and bishops under the guidance of the head of the catholic church, the pope. This council had a number of far-reaching consequences. To make the services more accessible Latin was abolished and the services were given in the country language.

At some parts of the services people kneeled but when in a lot of churches the benches were replaced by chairs this also stopped. Try to imagine what would happen if in mosques the same kind of measures would be taken. The imam recites no longer in Arabic but in English and the ruku` [editor�s note: ruku` means bowing] and sujud [editor�s note: sujud means prostration] would be abolished. The consequence would probably be that the mosques would run empty and that was exactly what happened with the Catholic Church in the years after. The �revolutionary sixties� came and faith disappeared by many people including me. I saw religion as an old fashion thing from the past.

That period lasted about thirty years. Religion didn�t interest me anything.

When I saw a service on TV or a program about religion I immediately switched to another channel; yet when I saw pictures of all those Muslims in Mecca during the hajj I found that beautiful. The mosque with those beautiful lights had something fairy-like and when I saw those thousands of Muslims bowing at the same time with their face against the ground it did something to me. How was that possible I sometimes wonder... and why did I read the subtitles of the recitations from the Qur�an during Ramadan? Me, as a non-believer?

On a certain day I was walking in the Kalverstraat in Amsterdam. I passed by a Catholic church called 'the Papagaai' (�The Parrot�). On the door with large characters was written 'Fifteen minutes for God ' and below that in smaller characters: 'for this purpose this church is accessible daily'. That kept me occupied. In the past the church became visited weekly and now fifteen minutes would be too much? Looking back on it this was the beginning point of a slow return of my catholic faith. The interest for the church increased slowly and after dozens of years of absence I decided to visit the church I had also visited in my youth but after that visit I was very disappointed. No word of Latin was heard anymore. All hymns were in terrible Dutch an sung by a choir of a small number of ladies and gentleman singing out of key but some time afterwards. Fortunately, I found a church where the services were held in the traditional manner and soon this church was visited by me weekly. The beautiful Latin hymns had been kept all those years and the people underwent everything with much devotion so I was �back home again�, I thought�

The absence of negative feelings by me about Islam remained all those years, also during my faithless period. The workers from Morocco and Turkey came to Holland and with them came Islam. The first women wearing headscarf appeared in the street, the first mosques were build and there were even Dutch women who converted themselves to Islam. They were telling that Islam was absolutely not a religion that oppresses women but it gave them a feeling of freedom and I believed them because why would they lie?

In the beginning of 2004 I was traveling by train to Amsterdam. In the part next to mine some girls were having a lot of fun. Obviously a group of High school girls. Then one of them stepped out and I was very surprised when I saw that she was a Moroccan girl wearing a headscarf and then I saw that this was the same by the other three girls.

I suddenly realized that a generation had grown up that was born here in the Netherlands and of course they speak Dutch, share the same ideals and dreams about their future and having fun the same way as the girls with Dutch parents and grandparents.

Islam in general drew more and more my attention, not in the last place because this was also happening in the media. September 11th had left his marks. Only, I could find myself less and less in the reporting about this and particularly the discussions about the headscarf displeased me more and more. With that giggling group of girls still in mind I got more and more the impression that particularly the young Muslim woman were put in a place where they didn�t belong and because of the return of my own catholic faith my appreciation increased for the way that these mostly young women expressed theirs by wearing the hijab.

The need to get information was there but the reporting in the media I found no longer objective and just based on the intention to get higher ratings so therefore the Internet was the right way to get proper information. In one of the search engines you enter the word 'moslima' (Muslim women) and then the way to moslima.nl was easily found.

There I could read about the reasons of Muslim woman to wear the hijab, how they had converted themselves to Islam, how they practice their religion and my admiration and respect increased by every story. After reading these stories I decided to write a letter in which I showed my respect for their faith and for the way they lived by it. Because of the many responses I received I got the impression sometimes that I was about the only non-Muslim who had sympathy for Islam. Fortunately I know that it isn�t so.

When I sent the story about that history class to a Muslim woman she reacted by telling me that she was really surprised by it because she just felt how close I was to Islam. At that moment I experience the same and that little sparkle that was inside me for forty years became a little flame�

On an evening in that period I was surfing on the site moslima.nl and saw my letter but when I saw the description: "letter of a non-Muslim" I thought: �What�s this? I�m not a non-Muslim�. I must admit that this thought scared m e and the week afterwards I was very confused by it. Constantly it was going through my mind: �Could this be true? After so many years I found the way back to the church and now this? Is it really possible that I become a Muslim?�

The following Sunday I visited church but this time I couldn�t concentrate. �Gloria Patri et Filio� was sung, �Glory to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit" but that didn�t fit with that verse in Qur�an that said: [�The Messiah, `Isa son of Mariam is only a messenger of Allah and His Word which He communicated to Mariam and a spirit from Him; believe therefore in Allah and His messengers, and say not, Three.�] (An-Nisaa� 4:171)

'Holy Mary, mother of God ' they pray. Jesus as God? Why did I prayed this all those years, or better: said it without thinking� Once more I looked around and I saw the images of the many saints who are honored in the Catholic Church. Many times people pray to a saint in order to ask God what they want but if God is the only one who makes the decision why don�t we pray directly to Him?

O sure, the psalms and hymns were beautiful but my doubts increased every minute. All those beautiful songs suddenly seemed so empty. On of the walls there was a painting with Jesus (peace be upon him) with his disciples kneeling for him but two of them did this in a way that was equal to the sujud; on their knees and with their faces against the ground. Again I realized how beautiful this was; �Why don�t we do this?' I thought and that little flame inside me became a big one...

The peace inside me returned and a Muslim woman advised me to let everything come to me as it would come. �Allah leads whom he wants� so she said... I already had understood that Islam is except a religion also a way of life and I decided to make this way of life, step-by-step my own. Not only to find out if I wanted to live as a Muslim but also to find out if I was able to live like one.

The first thing I stopped was drinking alcohol. With an average of less than one glass per day it was absolutely no problem. The Second thing that had to be stopped was the consumption of pork meat. That was a little bit more difficult because I just loved it and I must admit that it was not the easiest thing to do. One day I came home, a little bit hungry. I wanted to cut off a piece of liver sausage. I looked on the label and I saw that among other ingredients it also contained pork liver. I thought; �O no, not now!� so I put the knife into the sausage and suddenly I thought about this hadith which said that when you have the intention to do something bad but you decided not to do so because of Allah it would be considered as a good deed. �Deal!� my reaction was and I threw the sausage deep into the dustbin and so deep that I wouldn�t be tempted to take it out again. Until now it goes without problems and step-by-step I change to only halal food.

Step three was learning how to pray. I didn�t have any idea about Islamic prayer and when somebody told me that it had to be done in Arabic language it all seems a big obstacle to me. Because how could I ever learn this? Using a note? But how do you combine this with the correct position of the body? One evening I was working on my laptop and suddenly I knew. Of course! Why not using modern technique?

So what I have done is this: with the application PowerPoint I made a slide show with on every slide one line of Arabic text, the Dutch translation and a picture with the correct position of the body. I put the laptop on a low table in order to prevent me for raising my eyes to heaven, a typically Christian habit, and when I start the presentation slide after slide appears automatically at the right moment. This method worked so well that not only very soon I prayed five times a day but it also appeared to be a very good method to learn the Arabic language. Surat Al-Fatihah I knew by heart after a few weeks and also the other parts of the prayer didn�t give any problems. At the moments that the free recitation comes to order I take the Qur�an and read some verses.

Meanwhile I was convinced not only that I wanted to live as a Muslim but that I was also able to do so although I realized that it wouldn�t go without problems, after all, I�m just a human being�

Very soon after that I encountered some problems at work and also in my private life and these problems kept my busy so much that my iman [editor�s note: iman means faith] was decreasing bit by bit. I hardly said my prayers and the way I looked at Islam wasn�t as positive as it was because in that period the hostage drama in that school in Russia ended in a blood bath and in Indonesia a new terrorist attack took place and I started to asked myself: �Do I really want to be a part of all this?� I saw a possible future in which I had to defend my being a Muslim to everyone.

In that period I visited a cafeteria in Amsterdam in a neighborhood with many Muslims. For that reason all the food in that cafeteria is halal food. It was Friday afternoon. The prayer in the mosque was just finished and the Muslim women were covered more than usual but my respect for this seemed to be changed. Instead of respect I had some reserves about it and a bit suspicious I kept an eye on a Arabic young man who was searching something in his bag. What will he do with this bag, take it with him when he leaves the place or leave it behind?

I also missed my visit to the Catholic Church at Sunday morning. Without it this morning seemed suddenly so empty and useless. Why didn�t I forget all those Muslim plans and live my life the way I use to do? After all, what is wrong by being a Catholic with respect to Islam and other religions? Nothing I suppose�

But right on that moment the relationship with God formed by the Islam appeared to be too strong.

Fortunately the problems at work and in my private life were not so big anymore and slowly my iman got stronger again. In the meanwhile I came to the conclusion that until then everything was going probably too fast. Within three months from a Catholic to a coming Muslim who prays five times a day looks nice but at the same time it was unnaturally fast. I decided to take it easy and to think carefully about every new step I would take. Do I really want to take this step? Do I understand the meaning of it? Am I ready for it? These questions I would ask myself.

Now there was only one thing left and that�s the shahadah [editor�s note: shahadah means Testimony of Faith]. Many times I thought about it. Where do I want to do your shahadah, who do I want to be present and especially when? More and more I got convinced that I wanted to do it alone with only God as my witness and one evening I was ready for it. First, I did the Ghusul [edotor�s note: Ghusul means ritual cleansing of the body] and then during Maghrib prayer [editor�s note: maghrib prayer means Sunset Prayer] I did my shahadah. Finally I am a Muslim, Alhamdulillah!

And now? Well, I�m just at the beginning of my life as a Muslim and isn�t it is in the verse: [Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested?] (Al-`Ankabut 29:2)

Without any doubt it won�t go without problems from time to time but with the support I had from all those brothers and sisters but above all with the support of Allah (swt) I can look at the future with confidence. Alhamdulillah!

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