Why you shouldn’t marry career woman

You know, everyone has a story behind what works and what doesn't work. Of course the bias (and usually non-certified opinion) of other Muslims who observed the religious laws hand-in-foot usually say that women are suppsed to stay home and let the man take care of them. Of course I disagree and if there is any disagreement between me and Allah it would be on that issue but of course God is understanding so I don't presume I'll burn in hellfire simply because I believe that living conditions even meager living in my area requires two people unless one makes an incredible amount of money....

the woman I'm currently discussing relations with wants a career and wants children, but all at a later time. The p,an now is to settle in our careers and have children later at a time where our lives are stable. That is usually the smart thing to do. Especially since I'm on my way into the doctorate program for Psychology (I'm doing philosophy later on). I'm also teaching undergraduate philosophy at a local university so in essence, I do not have much time to start a family. So what's the key word here? Planning your life.......

For so many people especially cultural traditions that emphasize heavily on big families and such, that the young adults are often pressured into having families at young ages. Now, living with this in addition to the Islamic culture of the family some think of family, children all in the now without planning their life. the important thing is to plan your life with the other person and see if what you share and the other person shares are in common.

Rook (forgive me for shortening your name),

Your reasons are personal ones and that is fine but please take into account that life in the some areas of the States is especially hard. It's quite easy for traditionalist within Islam as well as traditional non-Muslims to say what is anbd what is not important but people do what they want. You are right to say Allah is the best of planners but at the same time Allah has given humans a brain so I don't think its practical to sit around and wait for Allah to make your life right. My point here is in my personal and biased view regarding marriage I believe its important to plan ahead.

As you have experienced some couples who wait to have children I have seen many many many many youths as well as older adults who have children that were not plan and they regret the pregnancy (not the child of course) because they did not plan and it made their lives difficult. I mean, why have a child when you're not even established yourself? That only makes the situation more difficult to raise a family. So many teens have children and then dump them off to their parents to take care of them while they go out and party because they were robbed of that experience by becoming a parent.

There are so many cases to look at here. Aside from maintaining your traditional view we must examine the other experiences people have encountered. Another problem I find in some women are the pressures of having a child. They meet men who are establishing their own lives yet, pressure them (in the later parts of their relationship) to have a child (or children). To me that is impractical. For one, choose someone who shares the same values as you when it comes to education, family etc. Do choose someone who "looks good" or makes you feel good but does not share in the same family value as you do.

Also, don't pressure the man because pressuring someone for whatever reason especially against their will can destroy a relationship. Child bearing  is a mutual plan. Just because the woman is on her life cycle and her "clock is ticking" doesn't give her the right to pressure a man to procreate a child. If a woman wants a child that bad try artificial incimination (I may have mispelled that).

Candid, thank you for sympathising. Even though I do agree this is not a common problem, it is getting more and more common, I've read about other women's similar problems. And yes, I have been very naive.

Israfil, you know what's really funny is that I DID plan my life... I planned to finish my degree, then get married, then get kids... but it doesn't always work out the way we had planned, right?

I finished my degree, and then it took me years to find somebody to marry. And then it was HIM, and my in-laws, who were the ones pressuring for children... it isn't always the woman, you know, who wants children so badly. Where I come from it is the in-laws more often than not.

And just another thought: some men never grow up (no offense), never do get established, so how long do you wait?

May Allah bless you all

well ..well..well

no one has ever called me Rook before. maybe rooks but not rook. rook means smoke in afrikaans

anyway, i was just giving my own view on that issue of "waiting till u are ready , or waiting for the right time". is there ever really a right time to have kids. if there is, please explain to me when that time is.

can one ever be ready to have kids...i dunno. im a mom of 4 kids. i had my first daughter in my final year of university. shes now 10 years old. my son is 10 months old. i have a 3 year old and a 5 year old in between. ....life sometimes happens, not in the way u planned, and u have to make the most of ur circumstances. my sister told me the other day that she never thought i would have 4 kids.....and a career...and still be studying while i have  a baby. i didnt plan any of this. wallahi i didnt. it happened n i had no control over it. but i can tell eveyone that im so glad of how things turned out and i cant imagine how empty my life would have been today if these 4 bundles of joy were not part of it.I have been truly blessed.

alhamdulilah, thus far i have been able to provide the best for my kids and they dont go without food or clothing. i thank Allah for that. and i do sympathise with those who are not as fortunate as myself. it is indeed an injustice to a child to bring him or her into this world n let them live a life of poverty and suffering. especially if u knew that u couldnt afford to have kids, but u went ahead and had them anyway. on the other hand, what about someone who is able to provide financially at the time of getting pregnant, and then later loses their job n is now in poverty n cant provide for that child. how does one then work around such circumstances cos there are no guarantees and no certainties in life. should that person now terminate the pregnancy or maybe give up the child for adoption?