How to deal with difficult MIL

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europa

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Joined: 30 May 2006
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Posted: 13 July 2006 at 1:51pm

222,

I'm really happy to hear about your good fortune. Good luck with your baby and your family in your new home. May Allah continue blessing you and yours.

All the best!

222dnallohc View Drop Down

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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 7:09am

Ramadan Mubarek

Thank you sisters for your care and concern during the difficult time I went though. I am happy to say that I gave birth to my daughter on August 14th, and she weighed 8 lb 12 oz masha'Allah. She is growing and changing so quickly, and I absolutely love being a mother. It fills every day with happiness, and I thank Allah every day for the blessing we have been given.

Mother in law is still an issue. My daughter was very sick last week with a fever and was admitted to the hospital, and she was only 6 weeks old at that point. Mother in law never called or asked about her. This morning my husband was talking to his mother and told her he was really hurt that she never asked about her grand daughter in the hospital. She proceeded to scream at him, call me aweful names, and say that she does not recognize her granddaughter. My husband then told her he never wants to speak to her again.

He has been telling me that he wants to cut ties with her, and I told him thats not going to help anything and its not the right thing to do. But he is so hurt. He called me in tears this morning. I am so sad for him. He believes that his mother is very jealous of us and thinks that I have stolen him away from her. How could she be so cruel? Our little baby is innocent in this whole thing, how could MIL be so mean to her?

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Jazakallahkhair

Angela

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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 8:18am

Oh, dear. You're mother in law is wrestling with some very big demons. Just focus on your little girl and take joy in her. I do feel bad for your husband, but this is something he's going to have to deal with on his own. It might be best for him to cut ties with his mother for a while. Show her that he's serious about you and his daughter. Perhaps the threat of truly and really losing her son will force her to evaluate things. This happened with my father in law.

They did not like me because I was not Mormon. Now, according to my brother in law, I'm like a daughter to him. (he doesn't really show emotion to even his sons so sometimes its hard to tell)

Instead of focusing on the MIL, (which is what she wants) focus on the baby and ignore her behavior. She is acting like a toddler and reacting to it will only let her know that the tantrums are working. If you both make an effort to ignore the tantrums and refuse to react to them, then she'll eventually get the idea its not working.

The best way to unspoil a child is to not give them what they want. And your MIL is very much a spoiled child.

Now, give your daughter a hug from us all and enjoy Ramadan and Eid with your new family.

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europa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 30 May 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4	Post Options Post Reply Quote europa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2006 at 1:51pm
	222, I'm really happy to hear about your good fortune. Good luck with your baby and your family in your new home. May Allah continue blessing you and yours. All the best!

222dnallohc Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 21 March 2005 Status: Offline Points: 27	Post Options Post Reply Quote 222dnallohc Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 October 2006 at 7:09am
	Ramadan Mubarek Thank you sisters for your care and concern during the difficult time I went though. I am happy to say that I gave birth to my daughter on August 14th, and she weighed 8 lb 12 oz masha'Allah. She is growing and changing so quickly, and I absolutely love being a mother. It fills every day with happiness, and I thank Allah every day for the blessing we have been given. Mother in law is still an issue. My daughter was very sick last week with a fever and was admitted to the hospital, and she was only 6 weeks old at that point. Mother in law never called or asked about her. This morning my husband was talking to his mother and told her he was really hurt that she never asked about her grand daughter in the hospital. She proceeded to scream at him, call me aweful names, and say that she does not recognize her granddaughter. My husband then told her he never wants to speak to her again. He has been telling me that he wants to cut ties with her, and I told him thats not going to help anything and its not the right thing to do. But he is so hurt. He called me in tears this morning. I am so sad for him. He believes that his mother is very jealous of us and thinks that I have stolen him away from her. How could she be so cruel? Our little baby is innocent in this whole thing, how could MIL be so mean to her? Any suggestions on how to handle this? Jazakallahkhair

Angela Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 11 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 2555	Post Options Post Reply Quote Angela Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 October 2006 at 8:18am
	Oh, dear. You're mother in law is wrestling with some very big demons. Just focus on your little girl and take joy in her. I do feel bad for your husband, but this is something he's going to have to deal with on his own. It might be best for him to cut ties with his mother for a while. Show her that he's serious about you and his daughter. Perhaps the threat of truly and really losing her son will force her to evaluate things. This happened with my father in law. They did not like me because I was not Mormon. Now, according to my brother in law, I'm like a daughter to him. (he doesn't really show emotion to even his sons so sometimes its hard to tell) Instead of focusing on the MIL, (which is what she wants) focus on the baby and ignore her behavior. She is acting like a toddler and reacting to it will only let her know that the tantrums are working. If you both make an effort to ignore the tantrums and refuse to react to them, then she'll eventually get the idea its not working. The best way to unspoil a child is to not give them what they want. And your MIL is very much a spoiled child. Now, give your daughter a hug from us all and enjoy Ramadan and Eid with your new family.