How to deal with difficult MIL

Oh, dear.  You're mother in law is wrestling with some very big demons.  Just focus on your little girl and take joy in her.  I do feel bad for your husband, but this is something he's going to have to deal with on his own.  It might be best for him to cut ties with his mother for a while.  Show her that he's serious about you and his daughter.  Perhaps the threat of truly and really losing her son will force her to evaluate things.  This happened with my father in law.

They did not like me because I was not Mormon.  Now, according to my brother in law, I'm like a daughter to him. (he doesn't really show emotion to even his sons so sometimes its hard to tell) 

Instead of focusing on the MIL, (which is what she wants) focus on the baby and ignore her behavior.  She is acting like a toddler and reacting to it will only let her know that the tantrums are working.  If you both make an effort to ignore the tantrums and refuse to react to them, then she'll eventually get the idea its not working.

The best way to unspoil a child is to not give them what they want.  And your MIL is very much a spoiled child.

Now, give your daughter a hug from us all and enjoy Ramadan and Eid with your new family.

222,

I'm really happy to hear about your good fortune.  Good luck with your baby and your family in your new home.  May Allah continue blessing you and yours. 

All the best!

Wow this thread has new life all of the sudden.  My husband and I just moved into our house alhamdulillah.  No more hotel- I am so happy about that :)  My stress level from MIL has decreased a lot, I am just putting the problems out of my mind.  There is no way to politely talk or reason with her about all this- she refuses to listen and will NEVER admit when she is wrong.  I just keep quiet and havent said a thing to her....luckily we dont have to live together.  We still havent spoken in a very long time.  Maybe some day we will, but right now its better this way.

Things are going fine for my husband and I.  Our real estate agent is giving us a rebate from her commission and it will pay for our baby items.  My husband is a wonderful negotiator :)  Things are really looking up, and my father in law is trying really hard to put his family back together...I think I mentioned that there were some problems.  So inshAllah, things may work out eventually.  If things were better within the rest of his family, maybe there is hope that the problems will stop between MIL and us as well.  If MIL decides to ignore her grand daughter, she is really going to miss a lot :(

Suleyman,

Perhaps its just that the women in my family do not treat each other or their inlaws that way.  My Grandmothers are wonderful to their daughter in laws.  They drive to help them with the housework, stay at the house when new babies are born, never treat them like dirt.  My grandmothers call their son's wives, daughters.  And they mean it.  My family is very much about including the newcomers, not excluding them.

Losing her womanhood????  My grandmothers are proud of every wrinkle.  My mother's mother worked hard her entire life and has never had fancy things.  She's quiet happy to have her grey hair and "arm flabbies" as she calls them.  She's 75 as of yesterday and has never had a care for vanity.  And she was GORGEOUS as a young woman.  My grandmother was from all accounts one of the most beautiful women in town.  Vanity is a sin.  A moisturizer doesn't need to cost $250 to work well.  There are some very good ones that cost more like $25 from cosmetic companies that are fine.

A Mother in Law who views her daughter in laws like the enemy is mentally ill.  These are daughters that her sons have given to her.  If she feels that this gift is beneath her, then she's got more problems than just feeling old.

I'm looking at passing that mark of youth.  I look at the mirror and see the lines at the corners of my eyes starting to extend.  I feel the arthritis in my bones and see the pounds that hide my once curvy figure.  Aging comes to us all, we can't escape it, we cannot run from it and we can't stop it.  So, really, I am looking at this woman and the more I think about it, the more it angers me. 

We, Mormons, believe the family to be eternal.  The mothers and children are forever connected, but also the spouses and their inlaws.  I will forever be bound to my late mother in law and father in law.  I look forward to the day I will meet my mother in law.  Everyone that knew says we would have been best friends.  I also look forward to the day, God Willing, when my son brings home his wife and makes her part of our family.  Or my daughter brings me a son...

Instead of trying to understand someone's vanity, perhaps the vain person should be forced to look at themselves and what their actions are doing to the family at large.