I've lost faith, help me restore please

(This will be a long post, sorry I need to let me thoughts out)

Hello everyone, my name is Raza I was born into a Muslim family. My story is really long and I have been in deep depression for quite a while. I really need someone who is willing to listen and give me some guidance.

I am now 21 years old and since the start of college I've been hanging around with the wrong type of friends and I have realized that but I'm not sure how I can overcome situations where I am peer pressured into doing things. First of all, I am a smoker, drinker and I've done countless things such as use of drugs, even sex without marriage. I regret it, I do regret it all. Most recently, I was with my friends outside of my main province in another city and there we did things we shouldn't have, I don't want to get into deep explanations but like it included sex, drinking, smoking marijuana and other forbidden acts which are not allowed in Islam. I do realize all of this but every time I try to change myself for the better; I just can't, sometimes it feels like I was born to go to hell, it feels like that's just the place where I belong. When I came back from my trip I was talking to one of my friend about my experience and as soon as I mentioned sex, he told me I was going to hell and that really hit me hard and I just thought about it all night thinking that I messed up, I've lost the test in life, I've no where to go. I try to convince myself to pray five times and even Jummah but I end up missing all my prayers. I don't know whats wrong with me. I've turned to Allah so many times, and everyone says he will listen, but I don't get the help I need and that's when Satan gets in my head and brings up the thoughts that this is the only life you'll live and enjoy.

Recent days, I've been wanting to get engaged really badly so that I don't look at other women, I will know who I get engaged to and only talk to that woman. I've been finding it difficult to spread that message to my parents too because I can't tell them what I've become or my reasons of explanation. My parents are both very strictly religious and they do their best to keep me in the right path and in front of them I do right, but secretly they don't know who I am and I want to change myself because I don't want to be this person anymore. I think every night that what if I don't wake up tomorrow, all the sins I've committed or even if I do good now will it make up for all the bad things I've done.

Things I really want to change in myself are quitting smoking, drinking and other sinful acts, following Islam and its teachings.

Please brothers and sisters I am stuck and I feel like everything that happens to me as days pass, I'm just going to hell; it's where I belong.

Author	Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic
semar Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Islam Joined: 11 March 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1830	Post Options Post Reply Quote semar Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 October 2017 at 10:32pm
	Salam/Peace Every one make mistake, even the Umar ibn Khattab had very dark live before convert to Islam. God almighty is the most merciful, so just return to Him, ask forgiveness sincerely and quit all bad habit, I know it's very hard but try as much as you can and ask Him to help. Most important thing try to do 5 daily prayers as much as you can. Insha Allah you will able to overcome this situation and back to guided one.
	Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"

handsofallah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Joined: 26 October 2017 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3	Post Options Post Reply Quote handsofallah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 October 2017 at 9:56pm
	(This will be a long post, sorry I need to let me thoughts out) Hello everyone, my name is Raza I was born into a Muslim family. My story is really long and I have been in deep depression for quite a while. I really need someone who is willing to listen and give me some guidance. I am now 21 years old and since the start of college I've been hanging around with the wrong type of friends and I have realized that but I'm not sure how I can overcome situations where I am peer pressured into doing things. First of all, I am a smoker, drinker and I've done countless things such as use of drugs, even sex without marriage. I regret it, I do regret it all. Most recently, I was with my friends outside of my main province in another city and there we did things we shouldn't have, I don't want to get into deep explanations but like it included sex, drinking, smoking marijuana and other forbidden acts which are not allowed in Islam. I do realize all of this but every time I try to change myself for the better; I just can't, sometimes it feels like I was born to go to hell, it feels like that's just the place where I belong. When I came back from my trip I was talking to one of my friend about my experience and as soon as I mentioned sex, he told me I was going to hell and that really hit me hard and I just thought about it all night thinking that I messed up, I've lost the test in life, I've no where to go. I try to convince myself to pray five times and even Jummah but I end up missing all my prayers. I don't know whats wrong with me. I've turned to Allah so many times, and everyone says he will listen, but I don't get the help I need and that's when Satan gets in my head and brings up the thoughts that this is the only life you'll live and enjoy. Recent days, I've been wanting to get engaged really badly so that I don't look at other women, I will know who I get engaged to and only talk to that woman. I've been finding it difficult to spread that message to my parents too because I can't tell them what I've become or my reasons of explanation. My parents are both very strictly religious and they do their best to keep me in the right path and in front of them I do right, but secretly they don't know who I am and I want to change myself because I don't want to be this person anymore. I think every night that what if I don't wake up tomorrow, all the sins I've committed or even if I do good now will it make up for all the bad things I've done. Things I really want to change in myself are quitting smoking, drinking and other sinful acts, following Islam and its teachings. Please brothers and sisters I am stuck and I feel like everything that happens to me as days pass, I'm just going to hell; it's where I belong.