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|Topic: Complicated Situation with Muslim Woman|
Joined: 18 January 2017
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
| Topic: Complicated Situation with Muslim Woman
Posted: 18 January 2017 at 12:54pm
Several months ago I met a Persian Muslim girl. On the surface, she appears to be a good Muslim woman, but I soon came to realize that she is a master manipulator of the truth. I could tell that she was very Americanized. I myself am a white American, and at that time had no strong religious faith, but I do believe in God and try to live my life by some standard moral principles.
As coworkers, we developed a friendship over a few months that eventually led to a romantic relationship. This woman almost immediately told me that she was a virgin although I did not ask, which seemed odd. She kept our relationship a secret to everyone and implored me to do the same. Her behavior was very strange to me but I simply accepted it as some cultural difference that I could not understand.
Over the course of many months we did a lot of things that would be considered haram to Islam. It gave me a great sense of guilt to feel that I had led this woman astray and away from her faith. Nevertheless, I genuinely cared for her and assisted her in many ways with her life. It gave me a strong sense of purpose for quite some time.
Her family is based in Nashville and they are members of the Islamic center there. She had originally moved away to attend college, but in recent years has been struggling to survive alone or to actually continue her education. She has told her family many lies to upkeep appearances. She works, but also is very disorganized and tries to live too far above her means.
She would go to stay with her family and visit with them frequently, but did not like to live there. Her independence is very important to her, but despite her ambition, she has struggled greatly to live alone. Her drive for this, though, is motivated by some intense greed or lust for personal wealth and power. This is probably due to some very difficult and tragic life, of which I am not fully aware.
As our relationship grew and I learned of her troubles and difficulties, I took on the responsibility of caring for her financially. I spent thousands of dollars providing to her food, shelter, medical care, and many other things. She never seemed very thankful and would always want more, which I would usually provide. She was very difficult to tolerate because of her vanity, materialism, pathological lying, blame shifting, and hyper critical nature to judge small faults harshly. Despite all this, I came to love this woman and did the best I could for her, believing she felt the same and that there was some good inside of her.
After some time, we began living together, and I learned more about her. I noticed many more strange things in her personality and behaviors that made me feel suspicious of her true nature and intentions. I also found many odd personal effects in her possession belonging to people I had never heard of, such as checks, credit cards, and other valuables. When I asked her about these things, she became angry. She would often avoid or outright refuse to discuss important matters or serious concerns. She was a very secretive woman.
Eventually, her lies were too obvious to me, so I began investigating into her life on my own. I strongly suspected that she was not telling the truth about many things. To my horror, I discovered unimaginable treachery: lies, theft, adultery, abortion, etc. I realized that she was not the person that she had made me believe, but really quite the opposite.
In her recent past, I discovered that she had many sexual relationships, many of which were still ongoing while she was with me. She also had a very long, abusive engagement to a man in her family's circle. I spoke to him, hoping for insight, and he told me that he could not marry her because of her extreme selfishness and promiscuity. It is now my belief that she has been using and manipulating men for her own survival since she arrived from Afghanistan about 8 years ago.
She has an unhealthy obsession with her own personal success and financial gain and attempts to achieve it at any cost, with no regard to other people. Because of this, she is failing miserably not only in her personal relationships, but also academically and financially. She blames others for her failure, but it is really her own doing.
She seems to lack the empathy or conscience of a normal person, and she shows no remorse for the people she has used and gravely hurt. She is extremely narcissistic, possibly sociopathic, lacking even a basic moral code, with no good sense of right and wrong. She may not even be aware of herself or the risk she puts herself and others in with these practices. I am unsure if her family knows anything, but I think not, or certainly they would help her or guide her somehow.
I am not a doctor, but I believe that this woman suffers from some severe mental health issues, possibly from some past abuse or trauma. She has many personality traits that indicate this. I did my best to be patient and understanding with her, but she was abusing our relationship in such extreme ways that I had no choice but to confront her with the truth. When I did, she denied it and stopped all communication. She became very angry that I had learned so many truths. She then took as much as she could from me and disappeared. She was not remorseful or apologetic for anything she had done, nor did she seem to understand the fact that what she does is wrong. To her, the end justifies the means. I myself am very sad and confused, and I am unsure of what the appropriate action for me should be, if any.
I love this woman genuinely and I do not want to abandon her. I believe she is only very troubled and needs some help to understand and change her ways. I was even willing to convert to Islam, which I have been diligently studying. I believed it to be the only possibility to stay with her and to be eventually accepted by her family and culture. I am so very hurt and confused to realize that this woman lied so much to me and was not even very close to her faith at all. Even in light of this, I intend to continue down the path of Islam, which I now believe is the correct path for me.
I still care for this woman and would like to help her, but I fear there is no more that I can personally do at this time. I know that a muslim woman's reputation is very important to her, and I am afraid that anything I do would cause more harm than good. She has threatened suicide at the mere mention of her reputation being tarnished. I have reached out to you for guidance in an effort to discreetly find the help she needs.
The truth is, this woman is on a very destructive path and I sincerely fear for her safety and well-being. Should I talk to her family? Is there something else I could do for her? I'm not sure what to do, but I feel that I must do something. However, being mostly inexperienced with the culture, I am honestly afraid to endanger her or myself, so I tread carefully. I have been led here to beg the advice of some true Muslim people. Please tell me what should I do?
Summary of intentions:
I believe that things happen for a reason. My meeting with this woman has made me see the error of my ways and it has brought me to the correct path of Islam. I feel that it is my purpose to help this woman to do the same. I still care for this woman and would like to help her find the truth and give her a happy and meaningful life.
Also, if possible, I would like to find happiness together with this woman and marry her. Considering our past together, it would seem to be the righteous and noble thing to do. If she can find it in herself to forgive me for the ways I found the truth, then I could forgive her for the things that were found. If we can both repent our ways before Allah and put the past behind us, then perhaps we can begin our lives again in the right way.
I would also like advice on how to approach this. I assume speaking to her guardian would be the proper thing to do, but I am unsure what to say or do. What would be required to occur? How do I present myself? How do I explain how it is I know her without hurting her reputation or causing offense to her family?
Also, I am afraid that she may now be too ashamed and embarrassed that I know the truth to ever be able to accept me. How might I show her my forgiveness, prove my honorable intentions, and help her overcome this feeling?
If some or all of these things are not possible considering our situation, then please speak the truth to me and I will accept it.
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