Help with sexuality

I am a 30 years old man, I am unmarried
I was born a Muslim, however I was not the most religious of people and I still am not.
I do believe that God loves me and looks after me, there are many indications of this fact based on how my life, I consider God to be my ultimate friend and I am humbled by his care of me and guidance.

My problem is my sexuality. I am not really sure what it is or if there is a label to it. I have engaged in sexual activities, with both men and women. The fact that I engaged with men is the main reason why I am email you anonymously. Please forgive me for some of the things I am writing will be a bit intimate, but as I said, I am really not sure what to do and I need help.

I am not proud of it, and the first time I did it; the guilt ate me, I believe the guilt came purely from religion and God's anger. I repented, but unfortunately failed to stay away from it, and did it again, the guilt was still there. I have done it a total of 5-6 times, and every time I felt less guilty than the time before. Which really scares me. It is also one of the main reasons why I do not drink anymore (I haven't had a drink in 6-7 years and I am proud of that). I have resisted meeting with men a couple of times during these encounters. I also almost fell pray to my urges again a few months ago, and when I say almost I mean I was about to meet with the man in a couple of hours when I called it off.

I still talk to the last man and I try my best not to, and truth is, Ramadan has been a lot of help in resisting any meeting with him.

I think I have always been this was. I learned about sex when I was 8 years old and my older cousin, who was 11, taught me and his brother about it. I looked up to him and the truth is, he was the first one that I had any sexual contact with, he did not penetrate me (again, sorry for the explicit details). I did not specifically like that contact, but I was a shy kid and had trouble saying no, especially to him. I spoke to a therapist about this and she classified it as sexual abuse, even though he was only 11 and just curious.

However, back then, I used to tell him and his brother who is my age, that I "like anal sex the most", mind you I haven't had anal sex until i was 23 or so.

Thinking back I was always attracted to boys and men, growing up, one man, thinking I was asleep grabbed my hand and used it to squeeze his penis, I pretended to be asleep, but I did not dislike it. when I was about 12/13, is when I started puberty, and that's when I started noticing other boys (and girls), the first boy i liked was about 3 years younger, I never approached him or did anything about it and I blamed it on being an only child (which could be the case). when I was 14 that boy moved to another school and I found another boy who was 4 years younger, but i only developed that friendship with him when i was 16. I never made my sexual interest known to him and I suppressed it, we became really good friends, and we agreed that we are brothers, and I treated him as such and looked after him. He even went to college and studied the same major as me, cause of me! our friendship diminished over the years though

There were other boys, but I have never done anything sexual with any of them. Except for one boy who was a brother of my friend, and the only thing we did was feeling him up (For the third time, I apologize for the explicit details)!

As i got older, around 19-20 years old, my sexual interest in boys/men changed. Before I was more interested in being the "giving" side, the penetrating side, at 19-21, that interest changed and became the receiving side. Older men also became more appealing. At age 23-24 or so I acted on it, with strangers. The only man I knew prior was the last man who I resisted and still resist the urges with.

I have tried different ways to control it, I usedsex toys, I slept with women (I am attracted to women), I masturbate 2-3 times a day, and i even was hoping that my experiences with men would get that urge out of me, but it hasn't. Having sex with a man or even a woman reduces the strength of the desire for a while but it rebuilds itself over time.

Now reading this you would argue that I am bisexual, but this is where it gets more complicated. With women, I am sexually stimulated when I am trying to get them in bed, but not necessary in bed, I actually was not aroused after I get them to bed, I can't even get myself aroused at that time. with men, the act of being on the receiving end, on being the "girl" in this activity is what sexually arouses me. Once the act begins I am not longer aroused, but I can get myself aroused. I actually get bored during sex! at first i blamed it on anxiety, but now I know better and and I believe that I am asexual, or at least one form of asexuality.

Emotionally I am only attracted to women (Thank God). for the most part I do not find men attractive, but I do find women attractive. However, very rarely do I find anyone sexually appealing. This makes me pursue women less strongly, and I think it's one of the main reasons I am not married. I do want to get married, I do want children! but even if I find a woman to marry, i do not think it would be fair for her not to know about this, especially since her own desires might never be fully addressed. This in turn reduces the change of me finding a good woman even further.

I do believe that God gives everyone a "handicap" of some sort, something to test their resolve and faith, and I am trying my best, but it is really not easy and I cannot stick to self-pleasure for ever!

I know that God punished people of Lut with destruction, but my research indicates that God did not like homosexuality but there is doubt to whether he punished the people of Lut cause of it or cause of their mistreatment of the prophet Lut. I also found out that homosexuality is mostly forbidden in the hadith and not as strongly in the Quran.

I know the Hadith is holy, but it is also always a suspect since it was written down 2 centuries after prophet Muhammed died.

I read that adultery is worse than homosexuality cause of the possibility of producing a fatherless child, but then i also read the exact opposite, that homosexuality is worse than adultery!

I really can't change what I desire, I tried!

So my questions are
1. What is the Quran's real statements on homosexuality, is it worse than adultery?
2. How does the Quran deal with punishment of homosexuality?
3. How are the hadith about homosexuality verified? how authentic are they classifed?
4. Does Islam deal with asexuality at all?
5. Does Islam deal with people who really can't seem to be able to negate their desire?
6. How does Islam deal with people like me and marriage to the opposite sex?
7. Any other insight, help, advice, anything would be greatly appreciated