Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook

Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: He is not ready now Post Reply Post New Topic
Author Message
Female Islam

Joined: 25 December 2015
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Quote Alis Replybullet Topic: He is not ready now
    Posted: 25 December 2015 at 10:51pm
Hi everyone. It's the first time I write about my story in a forum and it's the first time I ask for advice. I really need to hear other opinions.

I am a muslim european from a conservative Christian family (I converted to Islam 4 years ago) and he is a muslim from the Middle East. We met in his country (same working place) and have been knowing each other for 1 year so far, developing feelings for each other after about 3/4 months. During these last two months our feelings became so much stronger, to the extend that I started thinking of something more concrete such as a marriage. We are compatible, we share the same values and the same vision of life. From the religious point of view, I am much more committed than him.

He told me that he loves me but then he told me also that our union is illogical ( why? ) and then that he is not ready for marriage ( what does it mean? ) and he needs at least one more year.

I have been clear with him: I won't accept any other interaction out of a formal relation. He has cried for that and he said he is trying to change his mind.

He talks about me to friends and family as a friend/working-mate. His family invited me for dinner and everyone has been so nice with me and then remarked that I have good manners.

I am suffering a lot. I have my own dignity as a woman. Despite European, I have always lived according to the strict culture and religious rules of my family: I have never drunk, never smoke, never been in a relationship before, never committed zina, almost never going out with friends, I always try to be kind with everyone. I am well educated and from a wealth family. I have good relation with everyone as I am a peaceful person. I think I don't deserve all this pain. He has made me sad a lot of times and he knows.

I decided to leave my job and his country and come back to my home-country. I used to cry almost everyday and several times a day. I was so much stressed and I couldn't suffer more. The last day he said to give him 4 months more but I am sure nothing will change, just 4 months more of pain and calls and texts and nothing concrete. I don't want to be sad anymore.

Now he is sending some messages but I don't reply.

(We are both more than 26 years old and less than 30).

I am so confused. What do I have to do?
IP IP Logged
Senior Member
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 11 March 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1550
Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 26 December 2015 at 10:14pm

I think you don't need to rush on this. I know falling love is very sensitive things, due to this sometime even we become illogical.

I think you need to keep busy with things, fill your every life lot of activities, if you don't work now, try to find a new work that bit challenging that need to learn new things. At night if you don't work try to read some islamic boodk, read qur'an etc. So insha Allah 4 months is very short.

Mean time also need a lot pryaer to Allah swt to give you guidance to so you if he is the rigt person for you or not and give strength in case he is not the right person and ask ALlah give you the better one.

Yes it's difficult even painful, however remember our love, our marrige etc should be intended to bring you closer to Allah swt.
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
IP IP Logged
Senior Member
Senior  Member

Joined: 05 October 1999
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4874
Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 27 December 2015 at 7:00am
Alis welcome! I think your education and family values have served you well with respect to your decision to leave and not respond to his messages. He is locked into a cultural quagmire, wherein you're not suitable for a wife, but fitting for enjoyment. Indeed you deserve much better. We ask Allah, Most High, to ease your pain during the difficult days ahead, and that you emerge from this an even better person, than you undoubtedly already are.   
IP IP Logged
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 24 August 2009
Location: Oman
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 338
Quote fais Replybullet Posted: 01 July 2016 at 7:56pm
Dear Sister,

This post is old, So I think you problem must have been resolved. can you how you became a Muslim.

IP IP Logged
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of

Sponsored by:
IslamiCity Donation Program
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions
Home for Muslim Tunes
Islamic Video Collections
IslamiCity Marriage Site