Need help regarding to myself

Salam to everyone,
Respected all brothers and sisters,i dont like to share my personal things but i see myself going wrong wrong day by day so i am ashame to tell u that iam the worst muslim ever.

Their are 2 problem rotating my life these days.My age is almost 18 yrs and i have a diesease of masterbating.It was since when i was age of 12 yrs as becoz i was small age i didnt knew it was sin and unhealthy and worst part Allah hates it.I dont want my lord to hate me.I was to stop this shits but it keeps coming in my mind although i never saw any porn shits in my life but yes dirty thoughts came into my mind coz i have a strong power of imaginatiom.I just imagine those whom i never saw but still..........................

Another problem is that i already told u that i have a very strong imagination power that cause me think thouse thing that i shouldnt.Is that a sin lile bed stuffs with wife.As iam 18 iam not married but still thinking about those things.Marriage is not an option for me as iam still studying.

Plz guide me, i want to be close to Allah but cursed shaitan he keeps giving me bad idea in shotlrt i kinda ha a dirty mind.I want to clean i.Its kinda funny i know but its my st**id sinfull life which i want to convert which i want to convert to righteous path that Allah mentioned in quran.
Thanks for ur time :)

Hamza, asssalamu alaikum, and welcome. We all have within ourselves bad thoughts and evil whispers from Satan, and as long as we do not act upon these things you are not considered sinful. You will be judged based upon your deeds and actions. Do not worry yourself about masturbation as it will lessen as you get older, and it is not sinful, and in your youthful circumstance and situation, maybe even be a virtue. Allah bless your deeds to be good, and bless you in this life and the next.

Greetings.

God is merciful to everybody. Listen, we can be set free from our sins. I am 15 and struggle the same battles, so I know. Pray that God will release you from your sins, and give you the grace to overcome the seductions of our eternal enemy, Satan.

That addiction is a drug, it has the same effect on your mind as cocaine. What you need to do, as I am doing, is research the psychology of this. There is lots of brain science at work. Research what it does to your mind, and that will help you in your war. That IS what this is by the way, a WAR. Once you understand the psychology involved, you can track your triggers, your weak moments, and find out what sets you off. It could be seeing girls dressed immodestly in real life, or being bored, or being tired, or when you wake up, or when you go to bed. Keep a journal. Plan your counter-attack strategy. 

Now, I believe, as a Christian, that God has freed me through his infinite compassion, mercy, and FORGIVENESS. But as a Muslim, you might not be comfortable with that. That is okay. But rest assured, God IS the compassionate and the merciful. He will NOT let you down. He is mightier than sin, he created all of us, and we created sin, thus He is WAY more powerful than sin. And he conquers it. God will have mercy on you. Your desire to please Him is obvious, and He loves you for that. He does not, and cannot, hate you. He wants you to desire to please Him.That desire alone gives God great satisfaction.

You say you pray 5 times a day. GOOD. Keep doing that, the devil will try to make you give it up or make it seem like it does nothing. That is his evil deceptions, ignore it. The praying does wonders. Keep reciting the Koran, keep reciting praises to God, it will keep your spirits hopeful and attitude uplifted. It will keep your mind strong, ready to fight temptations. Another great recourse is the Book of Psalms. There is a good reason that Muslims, Christians, and Jews all revere the Psalms, and that is that they work. They are a great praying tool. Use them, recite them, memorize your favorites. Let God speak through the Psalms to your soul. Speaking of memorization, memorize more of the Koran. Let it roll over your tongue often. Memorizing that will keep your mind on the mercy and power of God, and that will clean your mind of dirty thoughts.
A last note on prayer, I want to tell you about a way of praying developed in the Eastern Monasteries. It is called Lectio Divina. It is where you pick a Scripture passage, read it one time, then meditate on one thing that stood out to you from it. Then read it again, and focus on that one thing. Then pray to God about that thing. That is it. It is a way of praying about and meditating on Holy Scriptures. Very good. Used by me with the Bible, could EASILY be done with the Koran as well. I encourage you to do so. As I said, filling your mind with the thoughts of Scriptures will cleanse and purify your mind. It will push the dirty thoughts out, and replace them with sanctity.

Avoid all occasions to sin. At all costs. This is total war, for your salvation, fight hard.

And pray for me too. I will pray for you.

Ialsop

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته.
Bru! I suggest you to go to a sheikh who disease of your il and tell your sick I mean desease of your heart and get some sprititual medicine. May Allah guide you to the straight path.