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Family Matter
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Message Icon Topic: Marriage by Proxy--long story Post Reply Post New Topic
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Joined: 11 May 2014
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Quote MrsNabil Replybullet Topic: Marriage by Proxy--long story
    Posted: 11 May 2014 at 10:16pm
It is a long, long, story--which I will explain in detail if necessary--but I am accidentally married to my husband.

In 7/2012 I converted to Islam just before my husband and I were married--by proxy--in Palestine. I was originally planning on marrying X (his uncle), who I had known via Yahoo Messenger and Skype for 4.5 years.

We were supposed to be divorced 3 days after the marriage in 2012, in order for me to prove I was a single woman, so I could marry X in Amman. X told me that we (X and I) were married before I left to return to the US. I gave myself to him as one should do after marriage. Until April of 2013, I still thought I was married to X.

It was a lie.

My husband and I were still married.

My husband and I talked very much about our situation. The more we talked and wrote to each other, the more we discovered that we were compatible. After four months, (and $300 phone bills per month!) he told me that he had fallen in love with me when he first met me in 2012. I had the same feelings while X and I stayed at his home. But I had promised myself to X. On the night of the wedding we both felt we should have been together. Instead, I slept alone and he slept alone.

We decided to stay married.

Our families were upset that they were not informed of our marriage until a year later. My husband's family could not believe that X would lie to him and steal his money by fraud. My son (age 21) and my mother want me to divorce him. His mother also wants a divorce, or to have my husband marry a 2nd wife (I can have no more children and I am older than my husband). We have both refused our families' wishes, and we have both been told that if we remain married to each other that our families will want nothing to do with us.

Even with these threats, we are remaining married. My family is learning to accept my husband--grudgingly. His family, on the other hand, has threatened to have me killed if I come near him.

The US does not recognize a marriage-by-proxy unless the marriage has been consummated. Ours was not. It took quite some time, but we finally consummated our marriage 2 months ago when I returned to Palestine. We praised Allah for his wisdom in bringing us together. My husband's immigration is in the final stages and he should be here after Ramadan.

Every day I thank Allah for saving me from X. Every day I thank Allah for giving me to a good and honest man--albeit by accident.

But, my memories of my marriage are of standing next to X, instead of my husband, in a crowded office of the courts, not understanding a word of Arabic or what I was repeating. This troubles me greatly. I want to rid myself of X and that experience--I feel sad and defiled when I think of being with X that day.

We want to know if it would be haram to be married again, this time with my husband beside me, reciting our promises to each other both in English and Arabic, and praising Allah for his wisdom. I need to have good, clean, memories of my wedding, and right now I do not have those.

Does anyone know if this is allowed?

Or does anyone have an e-mail to an Imam or masjid who could advise me?

My husband is also going to his mosque and Imam to ask the same question.
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