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Family Matter
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Message Icon Topic: Marriage in Trouble - Please Advise Post Reply Post New Topic
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Quote Muslim60 Replybullet Topic: Marriage in Trouble - Please Advise
    Posted: 05 January 2014 at 7:00am
My wife and I have been married for some 15 years and we have a child together. Through our marriage we have been through ups and downs and always managed to work things out. Also, I have had to accept a job abroad in order to provide for my family and am returning every few weeks to spend a Weekend with my family.

We have had financial difficulties in the past, but I managed to ‚work‘ through these by borrowing money. Now the monthly instalment on our mortgage has been increased to a level which is unaffordable to me. My wife does not work and I don’t expect her to, but whenever I try to talk about our financial situations, she either gets upset, angry or simply walks off without saying a word. There seems never a right time to try to discuss this.

I feel I can’t talk to my wife about this and am contemplating divorce, and generally when I do make my point and explain how I feel we just end up having a big row. In a way, more and more I feel that my marriage – or the fact that we can’t discuss our situation - is part of the problem.

What should I do? How can I get my wife to get to discuss our options calmly and be part of the solution? Any advice is very much appreciated!
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Abu Loren
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 15 January 2014 at 9:45am
It is easy to look at your situation from the 'outside' but I feel that your wife is being unreasonable. As a wife it is her duty to listen to you as you provide for your family. I don't understand her reluctance in talking about your financial problems unless she feels that you are about to ask her to go to work and earn, which is not being unrealistic on your part. At times of difficulty surely everybody should do whatever to see through the hard times.

If she is not happy with you or the marriage then there is no option but divorce but it should be the last resort.

I don't know where you live but you should see a marriage guidance counselor.
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 15 January 2014 at 3:29pm
Perhaps you are really asking, 'how to get my wfe to accept losing her home, not having a father for her child and a husband while you are abroad working....'. That's a tough sell, and I think you should recognize that, and allow her time to come to terms with the families new reality. Are you able to cut expenses elsewhere and keep the house? Was seeking employment abroad the only option? Can you continue to borrow until finding employment locally? Can you continue to borrow to make your mortgage payments? Do you both have support from extended family? What is their opinion concerning your troubles? Perhaps they can help with a more workable solution. Allah bless you with patience and a way to keep your wife happy and secure.
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