Your thoughts matter

Salam,

    Hi Chrysalis. Abu Loren has his/her opinion and I must respect it (we must too). Now I get the feeling from your comment that you think I may not be giving her the commitment, if this is what you are getting at I must say you are wrong. I doubt you read my initial post clearly , if not kindly do so again, did you know she tried getting me to do a Nikah without the consent of her Father "Is that right Islamically", what woman does that. Are you a Male or Female, if you are the latter may I ask, would you push a Man to marry without the consent of your Mahram (Guardian). this is not a case of not giving her a commitment as I did give her my words, spoke to my parents about it as well as reassured her that if she is worried about any relationship issues before marriage we don't even have to meet that way she can protect herself , (tell me, am not trying to be proud or big headed), how many men do you know that know certainly a woman is head over heels for them and not take advantage of it in this day and age we live in. Now most times people forget to think about the Man in this instances but worry about the woman instead. I told her the truth and laid down my ideas from day one, bottom line is if she didn't like it why didn't she leave, I have and never will force my ideas on a female. She wouldn't leave and she wouldn't let me leave if I chose to walk away from it. Thanks for taking the time out to respond, I truly appreciate it.

Hi ,

Thanks for your soothing words, so nice to see and hear from good people like yourself in this forum. You are right when you say the right person will come along. I don't mean to sound arrogant but I think my problem at times is due to my calm humble nature, this at times makes others not take my words or action seriously. When I convey my idea in a polite manner to her (the girl I was talking about) she takes it as if am not serious or am too laid back. Whatever the case is, you are right - us2inNorway, the one that will appreciate will come along. One thing I want to share with people here is that, do not let a woman push you around, physically or mentally, (no disrespect to them). From now on, if I say NO I mean NO. Thanks Man , and also huge thanks to AbuLoren previously

zMisbahz wrote: Salam, I truly appreciate your advice, you are right about not rushing into marriage as I really don't want to. I too am having a great deal trying understand women's way of thinking, I am by no means trying to put them down but it seems to me a lot of times their reasoning appears not to be logical and purely based on feelings... Feelings can most of the time get one in hot water. Also, I agree with you on the point that there are millions of wonderful Muslimah's out there however, I must be honest with you my brother, it seems its getting so difficult to find one - and believe me I have tried approaching the Masjid few times but you really don't want to hear my experience with that approach... Thanks my Brother, you have been wonderful, just being there for me..

zMisbahz wrote: Salam, Glad to hear from you brother, truly appreciate it. I will start by saying I do not wish to bad mouth her but I am just going to state the mere facts. I too found things funny (bad vibes to be exact) however, being the person I am and a Muslim (Alhamdullah) I thought it was best not to judge her too early but see how it works out but my oh my was I wrong. I think the issue is that yes she does have a tight knit family but I do not know if there is anything to hide within the family but I found it awkward that a Female will press for Marriage especially when I the Male have given her my word that we will do things accordingly (Islamic). The problem I see is every time I try to be reasonable & Logical with her, that is I tell her as a Man I need to establish myself that way I can provide for my family and not feel the pressure of having to go depend on external factors to do so but I get the feeling that she comes from a background where everything revolves around her and has not come across a Man that will stand his ground, (forgive me if it sounds that I am proud for saying this), right now I am in this relationship knee deep and I need advice in order to proceed. I like her as a person but the character is something that bothers me, she does mean good but I feel sometime is not right, you know that feeling you get but can't be explained. what makes it worse is prior to meeting her I was getting to know another woman that was supposedly Muslim but never chose to practice the religion so when I met this new Girl I am talking about I thought it was from Allah but the last year has been a HUGE TEST OF MY FAITH... It makes me sad that although I know she has fear of Allah no doubt the emphasis on Marriage as if Marriage is going to save ones soul makes me doubt my own understanding of my Religion. It as if she makes me feel I don't understand the essence of marriage. One thing I know about marriage is I don't want to get into it & then get out real quick - My Parents have nothing but Love for each other & they propagated it to us the children.    Thanks for listening, can't wait to hear back from you