At the end of my rope |
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Greetings Ghazzali, I would go insane if I could not go outdoors and enjoy the beauty that God created. It is not natural to be kept within cement walls and not be able to enjoy the warmth of the sun, the shadow of a tree. No one in early civilization lived any other way but outdoors. Could you do it, be indoors all the time? and if you could not, it is possibly right that women should? God put Adam and Eve in a garden... not Adam in the woods, or mountains, or streets, and the woman inside four walls. I do wonder what would Allah say about this situation.
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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From my perspective, I can't even see how it is a family, or a relationship, if you only see your spouse, and child only sees its father, two times a year. *scratches head What was the point of marriage if not to create a family unit? Just from my perspective.
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Hi Ron, I had picked up on that same thing. It matters that his elderly parents are bored but no one will understand how this is for a young wife and child.. that they are bored?
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Greetings janeausten, I am glad that my reply helps. Maybe just having us here to let off steam to will help your boredom?
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Ron Webb
Senior Member Male atheist Joined: 30 January 2008 Location: Ottawa, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2467 |
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I think we all agree in principle that the family should be together, but sometimes hard choices must be made. Unless somebody has another idea, it looks to me like the choices are either for the wife to be virtually imprisoned in her in-laws' home, or for the husband to abandon (as he sees it) his elderly parents, or for the couple to separate and/or divorce. -- or some combination of the above. I agree with abuayisha that a "nuanced approach" is called for. Maybe the wife can stay in Canada during the summer, and spend the winters in Bangladesh. Maybe the husband find get another apartment for his wife and daughter in a safer area of Bangladesh (if there is such a thing), and split his time between the two residences. Maybe he can help her to integrate into the Bangladesh community in some way (language classes, social clubs, charities -- I don't know, my unfamiliarity with the culture is showing here). And I don't know how to put this delicately, but it's always worth remembering that all things are temporary. Circumstances may change, and if nothing else his responsibilities to his parents will come to a natural end at some point. In the meantime, the trick is often just to take it day by day and get through it as best we can. |
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Addeenul �Aql � Religion is intellect.
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Caringheart
Senior Member Joined: 02 March 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2991 |
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Oh, so well stated Ron, but then I often agreee with what you write. I had not thought of the winter/summer approach... and yes, all things in life have a way of changing or evolving in time.
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janeausten
Starter. Joined: 18 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 9 |
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Your comments are so logical, Ron! Thank you very much. Actually, my husband is the 2nd of 3 sons so he's not the oldest male. The oldest is living quite happily in a far-off country. Funnily enough, the oldest is the most outwardly religious with beard and everything, prays as often as you breathe, and doesn't appear to have the same concerns regarding taking care of the parents (as my husband does, who is not as religious). Ron, your comments are very sensible. Thank you for breathing some common sense into this thread. How strange that nobody has mentioned that I actually do have an Islamic right to my own separate accomodation. You can all google it and it's right there, in diverse Islamic websites, opinions given by diverse Muslim scholars. And as for the culture issue, or that lil' western me is showing my western colours by wanting to step foot outside my inlaws' house: My husband's younger brother's wife is allowed to go WHEREVER she wants to at whatever time, and nobody - I mean nobody - says a word to her. She comes and goes as she pleases, she doesn't even ask for permission, she just does it. And by the way, she's born and raised in that city. So much for the east-west culture clash argument. |
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janeausten
Starter. Joined: 18 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 9 |
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Thank you very much, Abu Ayisha, for your thoughtful reply. Thank you for highlighting a more nuanced approach. |
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